Autism/spectrum opinions and advice please

[Lb6]

I am an early years educator and have some experience with higher end spectrum children, I see some behaviours in my own daughter and would just like to explain these behaviours and see what people think. Nothing is really concerning or affecting her development but I would just like to understand her a little more so I can determine if things are just poor behaviour sometimes or If she could actually be on the spectrum.

A lot of the time I describe my daughter (nearly 3 years old now) as quirky, she is very particular at times. For example she will go through periods of times where she will become nearly obsessed with an item this is often flip flops. Sometimes this could be a specific toy where she will carry it everywhere with her, ask for it the second she wakes up, needs it in her bedroom when she goes to bed. Sometimes she can be very obsessive over the item she has chose or sometimes not as bad. Will range from toys, clothing has even been a shoe horn at one point😂. Again nothing majorly concerning but at times could be inappropriate like when she is trying to take something too small to bed and she will get really upset when I take it away from her as it’s not safe incase goes in her mouth unsupervised so I just want more understanding is she having these meltdowns when something is took away because of a compulsive issue she has to the object or is this just totally normal toddler thing?

She can also be really obsessive over mainly bed time routine, every night she has to haha 2 story books read to her, 2 made up stories told you her and sung 2 songs and would not settle unless we have done all this. Again nothing concerning it just seems to be more than a routine for her.

Eating is a big struggle for us also. She has a very limited diet. This has been discussed with her consultant before and they have always just said it’s common for toddlers to be picky etc which again I work with young children I know they can be fussy but to me it just feels more than that. This has been going on since she was around 1.5years and she is now 3 in 2 months. She typically eats very bland beige foods such as ready salted crisps, crackers, cheese, yoghurts, occasionally fruit, bread and butter, pasta etc. We have tried all sorts to get her to eat more as sometimes she will literally go days without even eating a single thing, she is always given a meal at meal times with what we are eating and always offered different foods etc but still nothing. At times she will put a food in her mouth (sometimes a food she likes and familiar with) and shiver and spit it out which just doesn’t seem normal I am starting to suspect she has some sensory issues around food. I have also noticed that since a baby until now she will often pull a sour face while eating even when eating foods she likes and bland foods.

She also tries to be very controlling at times, sometimes if I sit with my legs crossed she will have a meltdown because they are not straight. Sometimes she can end up really upset over minor things. As she is starting to get older now and constantly gaining more understanding I just want to know why she is behaving like this. For example even if I was to do the wrong action for a song or a cup was facing the wrong way this could create so much upset for her and I’m torn between thinking does she just want her own way (especially when it’s telling me to sit a certain way, not lie down, not put my hand there etc) or is there something actually in her brain that’s making her uneasy about certain things.

sorry for the long post and thank you if you have took the time to read this, as I have said there’s nothing majorly concerning apart from her eating habits and I appreciate some people may think these things are typical of a toddler but I just see these things becoming more apparent and sometimes I think they are more than just wanting her own way. Thank you again I would love to hear other peoples opinions and advice :)

[ahna68]

How is her speech/communication ? From a few of the examples it sounds like you know what she’s thinking / feeling so I’m guessing she can indicate somehow. That seems good if so, also for figuring out her triggers

our 3yo is still non verbal and not communicating in other ways, so there is just so much guesswork

Sounds like you have a positive outlook to it all though, what is your main concern? That you should be exploring support / diagnosis?

[Lb6]

She’s got really good speech and language so it’s not out of frustration.
It can be so much more difficult when they are non verbal as there’s then so much more to figure out!

yeah I think it’s mainly just to help me understand her a little better and understand is some of the things she does poor behaviour which is also normal or is it something a bit more than that. Like if she does something naughty e.g. if she was to say throw something she gets a warning and if continues she will have a bit of time out with me and I will chat to her about it things like this I know it’s a negative behaviour and I know it’s something she can help. Whereas when she’s being really controlling, shouting at me to sit on a different part of the sofa or something ridiculous like that I sometimes don’t know how to handle it when she then shouts and screams over these ‘controlling’ things she does should I be ‘punishing’ her the way I do other negative things or should I be acting different as if it is something in her brain that’s a struggle for her to see and process I just don’t really know just I think support and advice would be beneficial to me as along with the other things I notice that was in original post I could see her being on the spectrum. I also feel like I don’t want to make a huge deal of it as I know there’s so many children in a lot worse situations regarding behaviour and development etc.

[PinkBump2022]

Yes I think something may be going on here as you say the obsession with objects, not happy because your legs are crossed. The bed time having to do it all a certain way, the diet. Yes it does sound like these are signs of autism. My son has autism and he’s quite a lot like that he has different obsession once it was a dirty feather off the ground he kept it for weeks! It went to school, bed, dining table, I was so glad when he didn’t want it anymore, he’s a very picky eater won’t touch anything in a sauce, if somethings not in the right place he knows and it upsets him until it’s back where it was.

[Lb6]

How old is your son and does he have any other signs? Just apart from what I’ve kind of mentioned I don’t really think I see any other signs so don’t even know if that would be given a diagnosis or not, I don’t think someone observing her would really notice.
my little girl is like that doesn’t like any sauce apart from sometimes spaghetti shapes, if she eats a bit of margarita pizza that’s got too much tomato sauce on she will spit it out haha.
she can be like that and I feel torn between pushing her boundaries or adjusting things to stop her getting distressed. It’s just really hard sometimes because when she starts school etc I don’t want her thinking she can tell people what to do which is why I try to push the boundaries at home just really hard sometimes knowing what to do for the best

[austismmama]

Hi everyone

I’m a parent to two autistic girls aged 5 and 3. Completely different. My concerns are mainly focused around my 3 year old. She has delays, she’s probably around an 18 month old developmentally, still not toilet trained, still uses a tommee tippee soft spout bottle (practically a glorified baby bottle tbh) and has a communication delay. She’s under occupational therapy and speech and language therapy (awaiting appointments). She is due to start nursery in September. How can I encourage her to drink from a normal cup/straw/sports bottle? She’s so stubborn and I’m not sure how much she understands. Her having autism means she doesn’t like change. I feel like a failure as a parent because I give in a lot.

Any advice?
Thanks
Laura

[austismmama]

Omg so sorry I accidentally put my post as a comment