Exceptional 2 year old or am I just a proud mum?!! - Any child dev'p experts around?

[jugglingact]

Hi. My 23 month old ds is very bright. I know all parents think their own child is the best but comments by a whole range of people are leading me to belive my son is a bit gifted and I'm wondering about how to approach this. My knowledge on pre-school development is standard (my dd is 4 and a slightly above average child in terms of ability), I have a secondary teaching background so did do some child psychology, but that was 10 years ago.
DS can speak joing 7 or 8 words together, recognise all shapes including pentagon, hexagon, knows all colours even silver and gold, recognises numbers 1-10 and counts up to 16, recognises some letters, these are just some examples. He's a sociable and emotional boy so I doubt he's on the autistic spectrum. I'm just wondering how does one deal with this? Pre-school won'ttake him until he's of a certain age, it's getting harder to entertain him and whilst I don't want to limit him I don't want to push him to the extreme either. thoughts greatly appreciated...

Evenhope posted

"My DD1 was really forward at 2. She spoke well, knew left and right, had a fantastic memory and concentration span etc

She was always in the top set at primary but by secondary was about average in her class. She's just graduated with a 2:1 but is by no means exceptional. Some of her friends are real high flyers.

I don't think early promise is necessarily indicative of future potential, sorry."

my dd1 was also exceptional at 18 months - 4years at 10 she is still very academically able (top of class etc) but no not exceptionally gifted, I think she will find university easy to do well in but not neccessarily a high flyer either.

In my very humble opinion, the best thing you can do for a child is help nurture and develop their confidence and fun-loving nature. To lose sight of this may be detrimental to your dc in the long run as they realise the high expectations their parents have for them. In my experience, there are a lot of academically average children who have made a very great success of their life because they are happy, confident and grounded.

Chill out and let him be a kid. There is plenty of time ahead of him to be sitting at a desk or reading books. It won't hurt him to do jigsaw puzzles, play with play dough and lego etc. Why do parents want to push their babies into the adult world so quickly? Have you considered something like this: www.steinerwaldorf.org.uk/education.htm?

I thoroughly agree with one of Slur's comments - along the lines of he won't stop being clever if you don't teach him.

Ds is 2.4, 'reads' letters all the time and knows them all, can count up to five items (not reciting) etc. At first when I noticed he could 'advanced' things I was wondering what to do with him and I'm sure I was subconsciously worried he'd lose his head start. But I've totally chilled about it now - he seems to move onto the next stage on his own and we don't really do anything with him out of the ordinary. Because I know he is interested in letters and counting I do perhaps talk about letters and numbers with him sometimes, but he seems to enjoy the likes of Postman Pat, baking, playdough etc.

Hi there ,I am glad to find there are other " bright toddlers". My 3 yr old ds, when he was 21 months new the alphabet "in order" in Spanish and English in his 2 languages,He is bilingual.
He also knows "all" the colours, shapes, numbers and now he is 3 is starting to read by himself.His paintings look like made by an artist. People think I made them. (I used to paint)
Yes, Brilliant!,I know, but I do not stop, I don't work and I am always making sure he has the right videos, toys and goes to the right toddler groups, Jo Jingles and Gym for toddlers. That with no much money.

He starts his nursery in Jan, but only 2.5 hrs a day. I do feel I need to keep on taking him to music and Gym instead of school 2 of the days, because he is really enjoying these activities, he is extremelly tall for his age and very musical. That would mean only going 3 days to nursery, since everything takes place in the mornings.
Anyone in this situation?
Do you think he will miss a lot not going everyday to nursery?
I am very proud of him and I would like to have another baby,but, somehow, I worry because I won't be able to give him/her the same attention if he/she is also clever.
Any thoughts on this???????

potxola, would the school be ok about him attending only 3 days? You could always ask for an afternoon place (I'm presuming he's going to a school nursery) to keep your mornings free.
If I were you I'd go ahead and have the second baby. Ds1 will be in school full time soon enough so you'll have lots of time to devote to the second one.
My DS1 is quite bright and DS2 was born when he was 22 months. If anything, DS2 is even brighter so he hasn't suffered from the lack of one-to-one time. In fact, I think he learns lots from his older brother.

your son does sound very bright, however i think there is a danger of "competitive parenting" rearing its ugly head here. My DD1 is extremely bright, i pushed her and pushed her through school as i thought she should utilise it, well how much did that backfire - has now dropped out of college aged 17 with few job prospects I was always comparing with other children and she picked up on this and rebelled big time.

My dd2 (aged 2) has speech delay, she seems advanced in other areas, has great understanding, can actually draw recognisable faces and animals (scary!) but you know what - Im the proudest mother in the world, i dont CARE if she cannot talk yet, she is a happy and sociable little girl. I am not going to make the mistake of comparing her with other children, i started down that road already with the speech and its heartbreaking. But, my little girl is 2, so is your little boy - you ask how to handle his brightness and my advice is DONT!! Just treat him as a child as an individual and respond to what he wants to do - the park, the woods, the beach, all the things a 2 year old loves, please don't be one of these mothers who insists on sitting with flash cards and an abacus trying to teach him to read fluently and be able to add up when he starts school.

Incedentally, i was extremely bright as a child, i could read books with no pictures when i started school, i had a reading age of 14, aged 6! But it tied me up in knots, i overcomplicated everything, put too much pressure on myself and i STILL do. I too left school not even having sat my O levels. I did return later having done a degree and PhD, but i did not find being bright as a child worked in my advantage as my parents pushed me too hard and i hated it (i made the mistake of doing this to DD1 because i didnt want her to make the same "mistakes" i did) I will not be repeating my mistakes.

The best thing you can do for your son is treat him like a normal little child, if he is bright he will want to do lots of things and enjoy them, let him lead you.

good advice lucyellensmum.

I live in Belgium and they don't even start to teach them how to read and write until children are 6 years old, and there is a very high standard of eductaion in this country.

Evenhope, your child acheived a 2:1 at university and you don't think she has done well?? Please god i hope you never let her know that!! A 2:1 is a fantastic achievement, my friends at uni (all PhD students or post docs who mostly got 2:1s, me included, jokingly call the 1st a no life degree!) Please be proud of your girls achievements, she has done wonderfully well.

All this pressure on our children makes me so so sad, it just makes for adults who don't like themselves very much (im one of them)

I honestly don't think you need to do anything
some children are brighter than others, you just need to love and stimulate all children and let them reach their full potential by themselves
applying too much pressure/expectation at this stage is a big mistake imho

My dd1 was much like yours in terms of language and academic ability at that age.

My hv said she might be gifted and that she only ever saw 2 or 3 children in the 700 or so toddlers she assessed each year. She is now 11 and although bright- not gifted. Many of her peers had caught up by age 5.
Take him to the library, read to him, take him to feed the ducks, play in the park. Let him have fun. Let him be a toddler.

lucyellensmum I didn't say she hadn't done well! We expected great things from her based on how she was as a toddler whereas actually through school she was never outstanding. That was the point I was tring to make

Of course she knows we are proud of her. We trailed down to Devon last weekend for her graduation.

a 2:1 degree is pretty outstanding IMO, well done her and you of course.

but im not being obtuse, i do know what you mean - you think they are set on being the nobel prize winner based on some toddler brilliance and in the end they just end up being, well, just plain clever, average, normal, happy, well adjusted children.

Potxola - are you serious that you would consider not having another baby in case that one ended up being so clever that it would be let down and you wouldn't be able to give it so much attention.

I am sorry but that is a really sad reason not to try and have another baby.

Let your existing ds be a child - he will learn in his own way in his own time - please try not to worry about what activities he does and whether they stretch him!

Lucy Ellenmum well said in your earlier post. There is more to life than being top of the class - it doesn't necessarily make for a happy and successful child.

Thank you very much for all your comments, I have just read them.
We all have a past, you are right. In my case, I was always put down by my parents, nothing was good enough and I ended up doing just enough so they would think I wasn't able to achieve more. Otherwise, if I did very well they would ask me if anyone else had had the same result or a better one in my class. So I kept a low profile till I went to university and then I surprised them, I suppose I realised I had to do my best and The results were brilliant.
With my son, I can assure you that he is the one who leads. I just realise what he enjoys and try my best to make it possible.

I ALWAYS praise him, I was never ever praised as a child and my confidence has always been a problem because of that.

My dh and me don't have supportive families and anyway they live far away. Most of them have never met my son and are not interested, so that is probably why I worry about his development, because in a " normal" family, kids have grandparents, uncles,cousins etc ...People who care about them and love them apart from mum and dad.
Instead, is just me and my dh.
Thanks for your help.
Anyone out there with no so perfect families?

nothing wrong with being abit please with your son. sounds like you have a bright spark there. do you have a service pre school near you? they take 2 year olds but you have to pay. i know my service(royal navy)preschool is only £6.50 per session. they have to follow a foundation timetable that is linked to schools.both my boys go and love it( the term after there 3rd birthday is free for 5 sessions a week). well done you. keep him happy by teaching him.he must enjoy it

Potxola - What you describe of your family life is even more of a reason to have another child . Some normality for you all (whatever that is). FWIW I was riddled with guilt for my dd1 when pregnant with dd2 and worried awfully. DD1 has thrived from having a sister. They adore each other and dd2 has learnt more from having dd1 around than she has from me (early talker copying dd1 etc).

Evenhope - Did your dd graduate from Exeter?I went to Uni there. Congrats to her and you. She has done well. My course was tough and I am very proud of my 2:1 because I bloody worked for it (though I did have a life too).

My mum is a primary school teacher and says all she asks of the children who come to her is that they have been taught to blow their nose, go to the toilet themselves and eat their lunch with cutlery . She will do the academic stuff (obv with parental help and support at that stage). Relax and enjoy their toddlerhood

Yes, denbury, my ds starts in Jan free 5 sessions a week in nursery.
VanillaPumpkin, your comments have really helped me ,thanks.

Dh and I would hope that our DDs aren't 'gifted and talented' or academically very advanced. We've both had experience of people who have been 'super-intelligent' and have found life very difficult for many reasons. I have many hopes and aspirations for my childen but these all come down to hoping they are happy and fulfilled, not that they reach any particular level of achievement.

HairyToe, I agree with you. ntelligent and talented people can end up in jobs that make them very unhappy.

Hi jugglingact, he sounds like a bright little boy and similar in many respects to my dd 22mths who has similar but different abilities iyswim. I would say go with the flow. Go with what he enjoys and expand on that. Practice games with these skills in mind, puzzles, jigsaws, spacial awareness and reasoning through learning toys. Early phonics books once he knows the alphabet if he enjoys books. I would not push him though, just let him lead you so he keeps his enthusiasm. Gifted should be used with caution, as I have discovered, as children are not generally tested for this until 7-8yrs.

Hi long shot but how things turned out for your ? ☺️