How do you not show you're upset with a toddler?

[Potato33]

Just that really!
I have a 14month old and a 14 week old, and it's stressful some days. My son seems to get himself into trouble whenever I'm holding his little sister and so I say 'no' and try to redirect him but often he doesn't listen and I (am ashamed to say ) have shouted at him once or twice . I don't want to be that person.....my parents shouted at me and used to hit me as a child and I don't want to take their lead. But I'm scared as I do have a short temper.
Please help me be a better mum!
I love him so much but he knows how to get me
upset and I know it's only going to get worse with two toddlers so I need to learn how to deal with it.

All advice welcome.

Teach me!

[notsurewhattotype]

potato you are a great mum and not that person, we all need help and I hope you get advice from here.
my DS is 19 months and is doing things he knows I will say no to (trying to open oven, climbing stairs, throwing things at window etc) I say no first and sometimes he moves straight away, however most of the time i say no a second time and lift my finger up at the same time. I always bend down to his level and never get in his face or shout at him, i use my supernanny voice! If he tries again (rare but does happen) I say "mummy said no" and tell him why (going to hurt yourself/break things etc) and move him away from what he was doing. Up until this week he had tried to go back but i blocked his way, however he has not tried to go back at all this week so i'm hoping its working.
I only have one DC and I find it hard at times to stay calm and not shout at him, he's been testing boundaries with us since he was about 14/15 months old so i'm guessing this is what your DC is doing to, plus you now have a baby so he wants more attention.
At this age DC just want attention, they don't really know the difference between good or bad attention. And they know exactly what to do to get a reaction from us (they are clever!) try and find a technique that suits you and stick with it, don't back down as they remember.
When baby is napping try and have some time with DS, get him involved in jobs you are doing or read a book or play some games.
Also, it's very important to make sure you get some "you" time every day. Even if it's 30 minutes in the bath, make sure you get time to think about you and look after you!
Good luck

[pikapikachu]

Do you have a sling for the baby? You mention that holding his sister is a trigger for bad behaviour. This sounds like it could be jealousy/sibling rivalry. Do you put the baby down and rush to his side? Toddlers like the attention to be on them and are happy with negative as well as positive attention.

[Picklemuncher123]

When you say Bad behaviour, what is he actually doing? Him hearing you say NO or shouting means whatever he is doing is getting your attention, and means he then probably does it again and again.. I am going through the same thing with my 21 month old. At the moment, I am using the ignore and distract method.

If he really is pushing limits, I set him out for some quiet time in an area where he cannot hurt himself for one minute. Then we have hugs and he will probably do the same thing again in another hour, so we repeat.

It will end, it is just a phase x

[corythatwas]

I used to burst into song a lot on the principle that you can't sing and shout at the same time.