Deterioration in 5yo's behaviour

[ballroompink]

I'm feeling at my wit's end with 5yo DS after the Christmas holidays. Since being in Year One over the last term we've seen an explosion in rude, cheeky and OTT behaviour. He seems constantly bouncing off the walls, making noise including constant talking gibberish and making up words and saying words 'wrong', constant blowing raspberries and making fart noises, constant referring to people as 'dummy' or 'smelly', repeating things we say back at us, etc. He's always been competitive but it's got to the point where I dread him wanting to play a game because if he doesn't win there is invariably a screaming tantrum with the game being kicked or thrown. There have been a few incidents of silly behaviour at school that his teacher has spoken to him about but he did start behaving again after one incident where he had to miss playtime.

He gets worse under pressure or when you start to tell him off or warn him that he needs to stop or there will be consequences. His behaviour at bedtime had rapidly gone downhill so we started a bedtime star chart which is working but it's his behaviour the rest of the time too! Consequences he receives are time out, loss of TV, loss of bedtime stories, etc. He can be such a lovely little boy but at the moment he seems so relentlessly challenging and I feel like a lot of it is directed at me. I had DS2 last October and I wonder if it is linked in to a new baby in the house, him feeling jealous etc.

Has anyone else struggled with behaviour like this and how to handle it? I find it so hard not to lose it with him and it's been particularly bad over the last two weeks.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

Sounds like it’s the new baby to me. Is he getting plenty of one-to-one timecwith both of you?

[ballroompink]

He's not getting as much with me due to DS2 I guess but we have been doing loads of nice stuff as a family over the holidays. I do think a lot of it is him trying to get attention. I think once he is back at school I may try to do more one on one stuff with him (not easy as DS2 is just 11wo atm and breastfed).

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

I found using a sling really helped. It freed me up more so that I could do things with DC1. Might be worth a try.

If you want a book to help you deal with DC1, have a look at the No Cry Discipline Solution. I’m sure that with a bit of gentle love and guidance he’ll be back on track in no time

Congratulations on your new LO too

[ballroompink]

Just had parents' evening today and to be honest it's upset me - we have had occasions where DS's teacher has spoken to us about his messing around and not listening but today she explained that he is one of three boys that they are seeing issues with and trying to work out how to best deal with. All said boys play together and mess around and get into trouble. They are separated as much as possible but still 'seek each other out' and behave badly. Apparently when DS is confronted about what has happened he often lies to try to get out of trouble as well. His teacher also told us that she knows he is bright and very capable but is not producing his best work as he is constantly messing about, getting distracted then rushing work just to get it done. We've talked to him about it and really hoping to see some change now he has heard his teacher stress the importance of concentrating/listening/not messing about to us. It is disheartening though - he's only 5!

[Saffydaffy80]

My dd was similar in year 1, her and her best friend were so naughty together and just brought out the worst in each other! It was like they were addicted to each other though, and even being split up in class as well as at playtimes they would do things like sneakily meet in the toilets! Dd has always been a full on child but at that age it definitely got worse, being silly and messing about at school and then at home she was trying out a lot of negative things on us, really testing the boundaries. She'd copy rude / horrible / silly things she'd picked up from other kids. We worked with her teacher and gradually at school and at home things improved, same with her friend, they literally had to learn how to be more sensible, as for some reason at that age it was like her silly and hyper behaviour which already came quite naturally to her, was on super charge!

There were also a few boys in her class that were always messing around, being silly, and quite a few play fights got out of hand, it was happening with boys in other classes as well so maybe it is something to do with the age!? Interestingly the vast majority of girls were super well behaved, so my dd really stood out! She did and still does like playing with the boys as well as the girls, whereas some girls only like playing with girls, dd flits between the two. That sort of behaviour seemed to be expected and more accepted with the boys, it's interesting how girls are often expected to just be more sensible and less boisterous, or maybe it's just like that at our school!

All I can say is things did improve, quickly at school and slowly at home, it's hard work and exhausting things did get better. In year 2 she was so much more sensible and had just matured a lot, she will always have a hyper / silly / boisterous streak but she learnt to control it better. At 5 and 6 they're still so young and changing all the time, it does get better xx

[notfromstepford]

Hi OP
Read your post and thought I must know you! My DS going through the same in Year 1 - one of 3 that are getting in to trouble.
I've been having conversations with his teacher and after being sent to deputy heads office this week for fighting (although he was adamant he was trying to split the other two up and was really upset about getting the blame for something he didn't do) and missing afternoon play for not following class rules and being disruptive (he held his hands up to this one) he seems to have turned a corner - for now.
I'm really hoping its a phase because he's generally a good, bright boy who knows right from wrong (and when he has done wrong will admit it and take the consequences accordingly) but goes through phases where he doesn't listen and has a terrible attitude. It's exhausting!
Doesn't help that I have a 22 month old who has launched himself wholeheartedly into the terrible twos since he was about 16 months.

If nothing else - it's good to know that 'm not on my own!