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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Beating the naughty step

41 replies

kate298486 · 05/03/2007 22:06

My daughter has just turned 2 and is a nightmare - she is constantly doing things she shouldn't (i.e. putting her doll in the microwave and turning it on, after i took my eyes off her for a second to turn the oven on!). I always thought I would use the naughty step as supernanny says, but my daughter has found 2 ways in which to stop this working. She doesn't appear to find it unpleasant- she just sits and chats to herself or she runs up to me then when i go to put her backl on the step she runs back and sits on it before i can get to her and finds it really funny. Has anyone got any ideas??

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Adorabelle · 05/03/2007 23:32

Reading with great interest. My dd is now 2.9 & a bright child (don't we all think that )

I've found that the naughty step has no impact on her whatsoever.
She's still learning at the moment, learning right from wrong, & learning that just cos she wants something or wants to do something is not gonna happen cos she bloody well stamps her feet heard enough.

You have to give kids boundaries, kids have to learn a sense of what is right & wrong. I just think sometimes all these 'methods' get in the way of common sense parenting.

natric01 · 05/03/2007 23:45

The step now works on my 3.10 yrs daughter but not on my 2.11 yr old. I have to get her to stand in the corner facing the wall she hates this but I can't let her out of my sight for a second as when I sat her on the step she riped all the wall paper off then laughs and finds it funny. I just have to make sure she doesn't have any pen's when she faces the wall or she draws all over it whilst she kicks screams.

sunnysideup · 05/03/2007 23:55

natric, this is what I mean about the endless power struggles and confrontations of trying to use a naughty step; your dd pulled the wallpaper no doubt because she felt angry and defiant and her natural human spirit prompts her to 'fight back'. Whatever the misdemeanour, I think with kids this age there is usually a more positive constructive way of dealing with stuff.

We ALL have our days when we can't cope, or the kids really do seem to have the wind up their tails, so I'm not saying by any means that I always had perfect days with my ds...but I think it's far better to have other strategies up your sleeve rather than the naughty step which I feel is just confrontational.

Adorabelle · 06/03/2007 00:19

I have the utmost admiration for those who use these parenting techniques & get a good outcome but for me the battle of getting her to sit for 2 minutes on the step just doesn't seem to have the desired effect.

For me talking to her & explaining that what she has done is wrong or not acceptable behaviour seems to work far more than banishing her to some place where she can get even more angry & pissed off.

Adorabelle · 06/03/2007 00:21

And I am not some liberal hippy whose kid runs amok.

She's actually a pretty well behaviour nearly 3 yr old.

daisycat01 · 20/03/2007 17:05

Kate, if you like I will swap your little girl for my boy

littlemonstersmum · 20/03/2007 20:11

That sounds like a fair swap, although i'm not sure i fancy a spotty one!!

MadamePlatypus · 20/03/2007 21:43

I have started doing stop and think with DS (3.5). I got this from an episode of Dora, which was actually about working out problems, not punishment. We stop and think, and we both take a deep breath in and breath out. Hopefully this moves DS's focus away from the 'bad' behaviour, but more importantly, gives me a chance to stop and think about whether the behaviour was bad (he was trying to do something that he knew was wrong), or just curious/investigative but inconvenient for me.

RedFraggle · 21/03/2007 10:18

I have a 22 month old dd who also loves to copy mum and dad. Because the kitchen is such a dangerous room for children, we have a safety gate across the door, so she cannot get in there without us. This means that the downstairs is a safe plce for her to roam. If I am in the kitchen I will sometimes let her come in with me and "help" me put dishes away etc, but if she keeps opening the grill door (a favourite trick at the moment) then she gets told not to twice and then if she does it again I pop her out of the room and close the gate. She can still see me and I can still see and chat to her, but this is enough of a deterrent for her at the moment. She hates being on the other side of the gate. so she is already learning not to touch the grill as it is hot etc. But without needing a naughty step. I agree with the other posters that it is unlikely to be deliberate bad behaviour, they are just exploring and learning. Also regarding pens, I only let my dd have pens when she is in her highchair at the table. That way your furniture is safe!! Our sofa is scotchguarded too though which is worth every penny as all the food handprints etc do just wipe off and I can relax and enjoy my daughter rather than feeling like I have to watch her every move!!

Granard · 22/03/2007 14:39

I'm currently doing a parenting course at my child's school given by a well known family therapist and child psychologist. He is totally opposed to the concept of the naughty step if the step or whatever you use is outside of the room where you are or the other family members are. He says it's very damaging to exclude children like that. His suggestion is that a "time out" chair be used but it must be within the room the rest of the family or you are in. Same timing advice - 1 minute for each year of the child.

potoroo · 22/03/2007 20:24

I sit with DS (almost 2) when he goes to the naughty step - I don't leave him. That way he is not been excluded, but he is still removed from the situation - and tell him why. He can come down but he has to say sorry to the offended party and give them a kiss/cuddle. This normally works.

But like others have said, naughty step is only for really bad behaviour - hitting/biting normally.

DebiW · 23/03/2007 12:56

My 2.3 year old sounds just like yours, so thanks for sharing all the ideas. My daughter has a very strong will and have had to introduce her old play pen as a "time out" place. At times when she reacts to a no with a full blown, 10 minite, tantrum then I find the time out place enables her to calm down enough to listen to why she can't do what she thinks she should.

Pickleipo · 23/03/2007 22:07

My dd 2 year old has a 3yr old sister but thinks she's her twin. She can open stairgates. Have to use naughty mat ie. the doormat by the front door. It is cold and boring there and she really doesn't want to be there. Everywhere else has been too much fun and a game. Can't use anything like "let's just calm down for a minute" as when she is screaming and trying to kick me she is beyond reasoning with!

micra · 24/03/2007 00:12

Yes, she may just be experimenting, but sounds like when she is old enough to know better, she'll still like the naughty step or keep running away from it - thus getting lots of your lovely attention for keeping putting her back there. We have the naughty room. Works a treat. put your leg against the door or lock it if you can. Can do it in other peoplels houses too - I usually declare their downstairs loos to be the naughty room.

Hatties · 25/03/2007 20:06

My daughter loved the naughty step. I would say 'Do you want to sit on the naughty step?' and she would answer 'yes' and taker herself there! She would lie across it and chat to herself. I continued with this thinking that I would win through. However, when I didn't, I changed the naughty step for standing in the corner, staring at the wall! She would throw herself on the floor screaming and I would continue to return and stand her up. The only thing I ever said to her was that her 'time' in the naughty corner would not officially start until she stood still and stared at the wall. She still has a paddy most times I put her in the corner but she knows she's not coming out until she's spent her 3 minutes (she's just 3)! It's usually about 5 minutes after the paddies but she definitely hates it and I feel it is more of a deterent as it is a lot less frequent now!

Emmecanary · 27/03/2007 19:58

A friend of mine is going through a difficult period with her DH. They have a DD of 2.25 yo. She's quite smart/challenging anyway, and has also picked up on their tensions, particularly as Daddy is often away. The result - smacking and biting, of other children, particularly younger children/babies. We all know this is to get Mum's attention - even negative attention is attention! Like some of the other children mentioned she is quite happy to take herself to naughty step. Mum is becoming afraid to take her out due to her behaviour which is fine one minute, then she 'flips'. I know, my 3-month old DD was on the receiving end last week... Any advice?

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