I'll try to keep it short.... DS is almost 7 and is a little "different" from all his cousins - shy, not sporty, not too keen on physical contact with people he's not close to. He also has major issues with food (eats very few things, all bland) and gets anxious if alone, can't go to sleep by himself.
He has always had lots of praise from school, and as we recently moved abroad, I went to see the school counselor - child psychologist who looks after new kids and kids with issues - to ask if they think he settled OK and to talk about the anxiety and food issues. I was told DS is doing really well, he doesn't have any issues at all and that I should relax and stop worrying.
We are now visiting family members that we only got to see once a year in the last three years.
Step MIL tells me that she and the rest of the family are talking a lot about DS and they came to the conclusion that he must have autism.
I don't know how to react, I don't know what to do.
Help!...
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Help... Family members (who see DS once a year) decided to tell me they think DS is autistic
BrainSurgeon · 29/07/2015 00:57
Firstly op I really feel for you & totally appreciate where your coming from.
I've been there with both my boys.
Unless your family are toxic, damaged, narcs I wonder why they would say this to you without the very best of intentions...be it a bit heavy handed!
.
One thing to consider is why is your son anxious? Why does he appear to have attachment issues? The food stuff sounds pretty severe. Don't necessarily think about ASD, address the issues you highlighted because they are slightly unusual for a 7 year old. I've got a son of 7, he's my 5th dc.
I wish you the best of luck.
Hi Brainsurgeon - glad you are going for diagnosis. If you can do things early, it is so much better.
We did not have a diagnosis as we did not realise the extent of his problems until a-level and beyond. He is now adult so he is supposed to realise his own problems and get his own diagnosis 
so we are just trying to support him in the best way we can.
We though he was clever enough to find his own way round his problems, but that is not the case, because he gives up at the first hurdle.
Diagnosis and understanding has improved immensely over the last 20 years so other people should have a better experience, but I am all for finding out as much as you can, even if it turns out not to be ASD.
My son has always been 'different', but not classically Asperger. He was late talking (3 1/2) which was investigated. A lot of things had to be done in the right order and there were a lot on tantrums but this improved when he started talking and he fitted playgroup very well. I was reassured that he was just a boy and sometimes very clever boys were like this. He was very sociable when young, but struggled with friendships at school. He was slow at learning some things and very quick at others. Some things he would just not do, to an extreme. He did really odd things such as fuck off to the playground when he was out with his school class - they came back without him and hadn't realised until I asked where he was (this was Y5).
He seemed ok at high school, and never caused any problems apart from not doing homework. His GCSE results were not what we would have hoped, but he did not seem to put effort in. One teacher said he gave the impression of being very intelligent and able, but things did not go in. This was just before a-level so a bit late in the day.
I think he is very demand avoidant, has trouble with people, and compensates by passively avoiding the problem. He is really good at that. He does not focus well on tasks and puts all his effort into avoiding them.
Firstly, for you OP, it must have been a real shock to be told something like this from someone who doesn't generally have your best interests at heart.
If your child is on the autistic spectrum, you are doing absolutely the right thing by doing what needs to be done to make him feel comfortable in his environment. Strict parenting does not stop a an autistic child from suffering in certain situations so whatever happens, do carry on with understanding and accommodating your child's needs rather than just forcing him to fit into other people's ideas of what they should be doing.
You may want to look into information about sensory issues to establish if your child has any especially regarding taste, texture etc. a very kind mumsnetter pointed me in the this direction whilst my son was being assessed for being on the autistic spectrum (he is) and the book I read called the out of sync child was really, really helpful in understanding and helping my son - there are probably more updated books on this as I read the book about ten years ago.
I think you'd know Brain. My son has autism and, although he had a very complicated start in life, I knew something wasn't right with him. I wouldn't worry about what your in-laws have said.
And . . DS3 has autism but he's a brilliant kid (teenager these days). 
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