DD not found her "thing"

[puppykidsX3]

My daughter is 10 and hasn't yet found her thing. What I mean by that is she hasn't found something that she either really enjoys or excells at. She has tried music lessons, dancing in different forms, sports , brownies etc. None of these have really excited her or gripped her. Some she has continued with purely as we have continued to take her others she has asked to stop.
She isn't in the top levels at school for any subject but she doesn't know that (or doesn't seem too bothered if she does) and I always try and boost her confidence with work and results etc.
She does go to ballet and seems to like it but isn't mad keen . She has started netball but is very aware that she is not as good as some of the others.
She has a lot of friends and has never had the usual girl issues or rows. She is popular and friendly. She is kind hearted and very well behaved . She tries really hard at school and with her homework .
I tell her all the time what a lovely girl she is and how well she is doing .

I am wondering if I should keep trying her with new things or accept that she will never have a "thing ".
I didn't I guess and I turned out ok ! I was never on a team for anything and an average student. Maybe that's why I'm thinking these things about her ?

Anyway waffle over ! Thanks for your thoughts .

[albertcampionscat]

She sounds lovely. I reckon the person upstream who said that her 'thing' was good social skills is right. Put it this way, who would you rather marry/be friends with/employ - the person who gets on with everyone and treats people well, or the one who is really good at [x]?

[DeeWe]

By "thing" do you mean something she excels in or something that she really loves to do?

Because they can be the same thing, but which is more important to you/her?

If it's the excelling, then there are things that there are fewer girls and easier to excel in. Eg chess-dh said often the girls prize could be for just "turning up" as they were the only one. They would play in with the boys but often there would be a top girl prize as well as the others.
Or tennis. I played in the boys teams growing up as there weren't enough gilrs to make up a team. Wasn't uncommon to turn up for a tournament and find 3 girls, one of whom was a complete beginner (but often had delusions of adequacy) so an easy route to a final; but there could easily be 20+ boys.

Something she loves to do depends ime upon the other people. Dd2 recently gave up something because there's a bully in her group. Dd1 is continuing with it, not because she's good at it, but because she has a great social group. Dd2 is starting something similar with a different group in which her two best friends are already and is immensely enthusiastic, and has made lots of new friends.

The clubs that my dc feel they can't miss a week are definitely the ones that they have good friends in, not the ones they star in.

[LynetteScavo]

My dd doesn't have really have a "thing".

She was lucky enough to get onto a school team which were quite good - although she didn't get anywhere near the ball for the first year the team constantly won because they had some great players. DD loves this sport and had given it everything she's got. She's now actually not bad, just through several years of practice. She thinks it her 'thing' and believes she will be a professional. Which, realistically will never happen, but I'm not about to burst a 9yos bubble.

What I'm trying to say us your dd doesn't have to be good at something for it to be her thing. She just has to enjoy it, and do it.

[Seffina]

Moving on to secondary school, she will have more chances to try new things - maybe she'll enjoy woodwork! Anecdotally, a couple of people I know that enjoyed art at school also enjoyed woodwork. Or perhaps more technical drawing.

[howabout]

Just following on from what Pagwatch said about sometimes learning to love something taking time and work. My dd started playing a musical instrument and then got frustrated and gave it up. About 18 months later she decided to go back to it and now loves it. So if you have the instrument keep it in a cupboard somewhere just in case.

On art courses my local museum runs quite a lot of free / minimal donation courses. They are a lot more informal than an art club. My 2 are going "to use the art collection to write a graphic novel storyboard" in a couple of weeks.

[afink]

Maybe her 'thing' is being a great person. She really does sound lovely.

Otherwise, if she likes drawing and arty stuff, I wonder if she'd be interested in designing her own bedroom - choosing colours, looking at decor blogs, wallpaper etc. She could even do a mural on one of the walls that she could keep painting over and re-doing as she gets older if you let her. Trying to think outside the box here - a passion doesn't need to take the form of a class or club.

[puppykidsX3]

I'm not sure she would be brave enough to go on a drawing workshop . I will look into it and ask her .

Thank you

[Singleandproud]

Like others have mentioned it takes practice and persistence to find your thing. Most people enjoy things they are good at but you don't become good overnight.

As she is good at drawing why not enrol her on workshops, when she realizes she can draw well she will probably do it more often.

[Cabawill]

I'm 32 and only recently realised that "my thing" is being the one who's cool headed and organised, and can be the one to bring people & ideas together. I bet your DD will be something like that when she's older. It's a skill in itself.

Like PP, I did lots of different activities I enjoyed but never excelled at any. I was just ok at lots of different things but it never bothered me and I now have a wide range of interests.

[Pagwatch]

Soz. I've been at a gala today and had a couple of 'but of course your dd is lucky to be talented' comments. She works fucking hard.

[Teabagbeforemilk]

Dd (nearly 11) just found hers. My quiet softly spoken dd fell in love with kick boxing. She tried as I do it and was surprised as anyone.

However loving something and being good at it do not have to be exclusive. She doesn't have to be as good as the other girls at netball to enjoy it. It she can only enjoy something when she is the best at it, it will be a long road. Although she doesn't come across like that.

Ds is naturally sporty, so we are lucky there.

I found my thing at 29....lifting weights andorw recently knife throwing. Can't imagine mum thinking of those hobbies for me back in the 80s.

Don't worry about it too much and yes secondary will open up different things for her to try

[Pagwatch]

And people say to me 'god she's so lucky. She loves swimming and she's so talented'
She is not lucky. She loves it because she's good at it. She's good at it because she gets up at ungodly hours and trains for 10 hours a week.
It's not luck.

[Pagwatch]

Sure.
I'm just saying that the love sometimes follows the 'doing'
Dd is a regional swimmer. She started swimming because she had asthma.
She did it for probably two years before she loved it.
For most of that first two years it meant little to her.
What she now loves is seeing the results of her training. She has grown to love it over time.

[puppykidsX3]

Jontydongle that was lovely to read thank you :)
camelhump - she is brilliant with her cousins and little brother. Plays with them beautifully.

[puppykidsX3]

pagwatch - I'd love her to find something she loves - whether she is brill at it or not. That's the thing she hasn't seemed to discover something that she truly loves doing . You know how some children are pony mad or super keen on swimming or really into reading . etc. Saying that her reading has becoming more of a hobby since I got a paperwhite Kindle. She loves it .

[puppykidsX3]

Thanks for your replies
I am replying on my phone and can't see who's written what so apologies for not mentioning names.

Yes she is good at drawing and likes it but again it's just something she does every now and again.
I agree with you that maybe in Secondary school she will be able to develop her drawing there .

I understand the point about her growing to love something by hard work and years of practice . I thought this would happen with her musical. instrument but after 19 months of lessons she suddenly decided she wanted to stop. Was very strong in her decision. It was totally her decision to start playing which we encouraged.

I also know that she may never ever find "her thing " and no she hasn't said herself that she wants to but I just feel from some things she says, that it would be nice for her.
She isn't an overly confident person in her actions /mannerisms or her own ability and I just thought if she found something that she really enjoyed and loved or was really good at it may help her confidence.

[doublepotions]

You say she loves drawing and is good at it, just because its not commented on by school does not mean it's not her 'thing'.

[howabout]

Re the art. I have always known dd2 is really good at art but it was never picked up at primary. It bothered me a bit as like your dd she is happy to fit in and doesn't necessarily need to seek to be the best. The first parents' evening she had at secondary I had the art and graphics teachers telling me how amazing her art is. I think the priorities for primary teachers are so focused on the 3 rs at the moment that these sort of skills don't get thought about much formally.

Sounds like your happy all rounder will thrive once she goes to secondary just as mine has. Encourage her to try out as many of the free clubs as she is interested in. They are great for building confidence and friendships.

Mine only do horse riding at their Grannie's as for me it is too expensive money and time wise. Despite this they are actually pretty competent after a summer week mucking out at the stables and getting to know the animals. My local gymnastics club also do open summer camps which worked out good value for me to keep them busy during the holidays.

I think it is very hard to resist the pressure to push our dcs into every opportunity and skill set these days but mine are thriving on having always had a bit more freedom with their spare time than many.

[Pagwatch]

The only issue is whether or not you find something she likes.
There is a sort of subtext that she should find something and excel at it.

Sometimes the way you find something that matters to you is by committing to it and enjoying the rewards of all those months/year of practice.

You might be confusing wanting her to love something and have a gift for it with letting her discover the joy of doing well because you have trained and earnt it. .

[specialsubject]

took me until I was 30...my 'thing' was not offered at school. And team sport is much over-rated, it is often anything but.

if she is learning and making satisfactory academic progress, that is all that matters. Not everyone can be top.

[ppeatfruit]

Has she told you that she's actively trying to find her "thing" ? 10 is young anyway, it's quite normal to change your mind about your thing after that age anyway. I was into ballet in a big way when I was 10 but changed abruptly at 14 when boys and the Beatles came on the scene. Since then I've liked lots of different things and I don't feel deprived

[tobysmum77]

She sounds like me, her thing is actually being quite good at a lot of things. It's a strength, honestly

[Floggingmolly]

She doesn't have to have a thing! If she's happy being an all rounder; leave her alone...

[lljkk]

I'm almost 50 & still haven't found my thang.