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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

To those of you with high needs babies...

31 replies

CheshireSplat · 10/12/2014 15:36

I just wanted to say don't let anyone tell you to put him/her down more, that you've caused it etc.

DD1 was high needs. Couldn't put her down at all, feeds took 1.5 hrs, 8 times a day etc etc. I didn't have the time to do anything at all in the house, my back went. One particularly proud day when DD was about 4 weeks I did my first chore in the house. Pressing start on the dishwasher - DH had loaded it and put the dishwasher tablet in, mind. I just had to put my mug in - breakfast naturally was Belvita biscuits, no potential for anything needing a spoon.

Fast forward 3 years and here's DD2. I knew when I was pregnant that she was more laid back. She is nearly 4 weeks, sleeps in her Moses basket day and night, quick feeder and lies around awake just watching stuff. NOT BEING HELD. I couldn't believe it!!!! I've decluttered all my clothes, am cleaning, writing thank you cards etc...and sneaking lovely newborn cuddles.

The reason for writing this is to try to reassure those of you with high needs babies that it's not your fault. It is hard work, so don't compare yourselves to others. Don't beat yourself up about why you can't do anything in the house when others are. Mumsnet has been invaluable to me since DD1 was born so I hope this might help someone. Enjoy your babies!

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Purpleflamingos · 11/12/2014 06:59

Ds was a delightful baby, and still is a lovely child. He's happy in his own company doing his own thing and equally happy to play with me and/or his sister.
Dd on the other hand, was a bit of a nightmare. Whereas I didn't put ds down much and made a few first time parenting mistakes, dd wouldn't be put down. I ended up wearing a sling and doubting whether I could do this parenting of two. She had terrible colic, was fussy about latching on. As she turned 14 months and began talking, up to 3yrs she would push people away, refused kisses and cuddles, wanted entertaining constantly.....she's now 3.5years and wonderful, sweet, kind, huggly, still quite fiesty, but gosh, those first three years have made us wonder whether to even dare think about another although we would like one.

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SleepyMcgee · 11/12/2014 10:06

There's some babies at baby group who just lie down on the mat, and go to sleep. I was like when I saw them do it and secretly seething

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Booboostoo · 11/12/2014 10:34

Same here OP. DD, first child, high needs, bf all the time, unputdownable, would never go to anyone else, would never sleep...dream toddler/young child, rule follower, calm, shares gladly, tidies up for fun, etc.

DS, second child, totally laid back baby, bfs really fast, will go to anyone's arms with a smile, lies down by himself and stares at the ceiling. I imagine he will be a horror toddler!

A high needs baby is quite difficult to understand unless you have one. Until you have one yourself you assume it's the parents' fault. My friend had a high needs DC3 and was shocked. After two DCs she was confident she knew what she was doing and then DD2 arrived and changed everything!

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CheshireSplat · 11/12/2014 21:58

Again as other PPs have said, my elder daughter is/was the most delightful toddler. Hardly any tantrums, (usually) polite and helpful and keen to please. It often seems the way with these hard to put down babies. My (unscientific) theory is they are soooo secure after being held so much. And yes, like other previous posters I'm expecting DD2 to be a nightmare toddler.

To those of you who aren't having another because the first was so hard, obviously you've thought long and hard but the second could well be so different. I would go on about how hard babies are/how miserable my first months of maternity leave were especially to poor pregnant friends about to become mothers for the first time; they'd look terrified but I am positively enjoying this one apart from the evenings when DD2 does cry a lot and DD1 won't go to sleep .

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CheshireSplat · 11/12/2014 22:00

Booboo, please tell me you are delighted with your friend's DC3. Or you wouldn't be human.

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Booboostoo · 12/12/2014 08:43

Cheshire my friend is the most humble, sweetest human being ever so no one could ever be delighted by anything difficult happening to her. Her DD3 is a year and a half older than my DD so it was a case of her reassuring me that none of it was my fault, some babies are different than others.