Children making noise in the countryside

[Frontier]

We're just back from a weekend in a beautiful park of the country. Four of us plus a friend and her young family. Her Dc are younger than mine, 6 & 8 and I really have no idea if I can't remember how it was to have young DC or if she is mad!! It wasn't that long ago, DS2 is only 11.

Her eldest is LOUD. Doesn't appear to have ever learned about indoor/outdoor voices or to have any sort of volume control whatsoever. My DS1 at the same age was (I thought) very loud too but I really don't remember this and I did make some attempt to have him moderate it when lots of noise was inappropriate.

Anyway there were two "moments" during the weekend. One was when I reminded him of The Countryside Code one part of which is to "make no unnecessary noise". This was when we were at a particularly busy but peaceful beauty spot and he was shouting his part in a conversation with my DS1 who was right next to him. I just reminded him that people liked to come to this place for the peace and quiet and that he should quieten down. My friend thought I was very unreasonable - children are supposed to make noise outdoors. I do get that but isn't there still a time and a place and her son in 8, not tiny?

Next one I'm sure I'm not wrong about We were discussing plans for dinner and one restaurant was mentioned. Our family had been there a few weeks previously and were the only customers who weren't an older couple. My DC are old enough to have just abut managed to behave appropriately but the restaurant was silent and even normal talking seemed too loud. I told friend this and suggested it might not be the best place for our large party. Oh, she said, " sometimes older people like to hear children's noise in restaurants". Maybe they sometimes do but it is really Ok to inflict it one them without checking first?! The restaurant we did choose was much more lively and we were fine but we were still by far the loudest there, again with no attempt to regulate the noise.

I thought DH was going to explode the 3rd time in half an hour he reminded the boy we were staying in a flat with neighbours on all sides...

My children were/are by no means silent or perfect but I found it really uncomfortable to be part of a party where no attempt at consideration was made.

So, is it me, or her?

[JassyRadlett]

You misunderstand me - I'm not sure whether intentionally or not. Obviously if someone doesn't have the ability to self-regulate (or to learn to do so) then they can't.

If they can learn consideration for and kindness towards others, even if they are strangers, then yes, they should be taught. It will probably make their lives, and the lives of those they come into contact with, much nicer.

I am finding MN a very depressing and individualistic place at the moment, a lot of 'me and mine are fine, so fuck other people' attitudes. It's not an attitude I like myself and it certainly isn't the way I want any child of mine to grow up - and I don't apologise for feeling that way.

[JassyRadlett]

Having reread, yes perhaps I could have worded my orignal post better, and I apologise - but still, maybe try not assuming the worst of people?

[Greydog]

I live near a primary school, and when I take dog out we walk up a lane that runs alongside one of the play areas. Now, I know kids are excited to be out, and let off steam, but hells teeth the noise, the screaming, and I do mean screaming. What does make me wonder though, is this. If a child had an accident, and needed help, would anyone notice before playtime was over? I really don't think they would/could. Any cries for help would be ignored

[DeWee]

None of us can really tell because it could be that the kid was unreasonably loud-or it could be you are unreasonably intolerant of normal noise.

My df was the latter. We used to stay in half a farmhouse on holiday-the farmer and family (3 boys older than us) were in the other half, and I'm sure they would have been totally embarrassed if they'd known the rules df had for us:
No talking above a whisper upstairs after 8pm or before 9am. Walking on the side of the stairs (they creaked badly). No TV after 9pm (only in lounge at other side of house from the divide). No talking in the garden (they had their own garden the other side of the house)... were just a few of the rules. Constant reminders of "we must be quiet because they might be disturbed"
Funny thing was he was totally tolerant of their noise, so he didn't expect the same from them, and they weren't particularly noisy, just definitely naturally noisier than us, but if we pointed out we could hear their TV at 9:30 he'd say that we were guests and had to keep quiet....

Now I would just say that if you were taking children of 6 and 8 to a peaceful beauty spot you thought they couldn't play and run around because of disturbing others-then you went to the wrong place. As grown ups we may think walking to a beautiful place and sitting and watching the view in silence is an idea of fun, but I don't think it's reasonable to expect 6 and 8yo to think so.
What you said sounded pompous at best. If he was talking loudly, then a quick, "you don't need to talk so loudly, he's right next to you" would have sounded much better.

My ds 7yo has glue ear, and can't hear always, I can tell how bad it is by the volume he speaks. I do ask him to be quiet, in fact we have a hand sign that means it, and he knows if I use it then he needs to quieten down. However he does forget, particularly if excited, and I have to remind him. But it does mean that I wouldn't take him to a place where he would wish to speak and I felt he would be inappropriately loud.

[Siennasun]

I agree DeWee but I also think it's unreasonable for anyone to expect other people to be quiet in the countryside. The countryside is pretty big. If you want peace and quiet, find somewhere isolated. If you are in a popular/busy spot you have to accept that other people will be there too and they will probably be talking/enjoying themselves.
Most small children really aren't capable of being quiet all the time, especially when they are excited. Children are not being inconsiderate or unkind by being noisy. It's very possible for people to be noisy and kind and considerate all at the same time.
I actually like the sound of children having fun. I'd rather hear that than people constantly nagging and shushing their children.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

Greydog the tone and pitch of a child in distress is very different from that of a child having fun. I can't explain exactly how you tell the difference, but you certainly can.
Anyway, it's when they go very quiet that you should be the most worried.

[tobysmum77]

We're on holiday and dd has been banging out the frozen theme tune throughout the countryside . I have been telling her to put a sock in it when there are other people around though.

OP go on holiday by yourselves next year. yabu to expect others to think the same way as you.

[bakingaddict]

I dont see how a busy beauty spot can also be peaceful seems a contradiction to me. If I truly wanted a peaceful spot to meditate and contemplate the beauty of nature then I would be looking for something wild and secluded. The sound of children enjoying their surrondings is actually quite nice imo. You only get to be a child for a short time these days let them enjoy giving free reign to express themselves