How can I help academically clever, socially immature ds2?

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Ds2 is 5, in reception. He is academically very clever. Stage 8 reading band, maths has moved on to fractions, percentages, factors, devision, multiplication etc, his vocabulary is large and his general knowledge is great.

However, he really struggles to control his emotions. He's very competitive and gets angry when he loses a game/ race. He is stubborn and also prone to tantrums if things don't go his way. He had a 20 minute tantrum in the classroom the other day because he didn't want to do his writing.

What can I do to help him? Does anyone have any experience that will help?

TIA

[Reastie]

Hair I have absolutely nothing useful to say, but and hope you find lots of useful tricks here. You are so NOT a bad Mum.

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Thanks Reastie.

[justwondering72]

Hi op

I posted a while ago on AIBU about the opposite issue - worrying that I am not bringing my children up to be competitive enough! Ds1 tends to go for the laughs rather than trying to win, but he has a best friend who is super competitive and gets really stroppy when he loses anything. Taking the long term view though, having a competitive streak is not a bad thing. I know it doesn't fit with the caring, sharing, lets all do our personal best and applaud the effort in schools these days. But for an adult to have a competitive approach to their work or sport is generally considered a good thing. He'll learn to tone it down as he gets older.

Please don't see this as a failure on your part. He us who he is.

[MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday]

First..you sound fab and a VERY good mum... it is so difficult when your child cannot control their feelings and you are having to handle the meltdowns. (been there got the T shirt!)

Your post does to me make me wonder though if there may be more than simple immaturity. Given his is very advanced academically but struggling socially I would think about requesting a referral to a paediatrician to asses for Aspergers/ High functioning autism.

Does he play with other children ok? Or is he rigid in how he interacts.. his way or no way. Does he get social clues, body language, understand different tones of voice? If there are any difficulties there it might be that he is on the spectrum and IF he is (I'm NOT diagnosing him honestly but I have a child with ASD and work with children who have ASD ) he might have more support to help him learn to manage.

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Thanks justwondering, I get what you're saying and I agree to a certain extent but it is making things difficult right now.

Medusa, I've been thinking about your post. On reflection, from my own observations and those of his teachers, he plays well with his friends. He doesn't complain about not getting his own way etc. Also I do think he picks up social clues quite well and tone of voice.

However, I will keep your post in mind in the future and keep observing. Thanks.