Will starving him work???

[Twinkie1]

Right am finally at the end of my tether regarding DS's (2 in Nov) eating.

He has a very limited diet due to the fact that he refuses to eat most things.

For breakfast he will either eat Cheerios or Sugar Puffs - he will eat weetabix but it seems to burn his bottom when it comes out of the other end!!! He will occasionally eat natural yog with banana and honey.

For lunch he may eat part of a sandwich but more often than not he will just chew it and spit it out - he will only eat cheese or jam no other fillings though and I would say if an eighth of the sandwich gets swallowed we have had a good day!!

For his evening meal he will only eat sausages, sometimes fish fingers or chicken strips and either chips or smiley faces. But I would say that again half of the 2 or 3 chips he eats and maybe a sausage are just chewed and spat out.

He will snack on feta cheese, bananas, satusumas (they will be chewed and spat out), cucumber, crisps, biscuits, raisins or fruit flakes.

I am seriously thinking of making him shepherds pie and good old gravy dinners and if he doesn't eat them just taking them away from him and letting him go without until the next meal. DH said I'm being a bit harsh and I should give him what he likes but other than it being an inconvienince I am worried that he isn't getting a propoerly balanced diet - I don't know why we have got to this stage though as DD eats everything you give her from curry to fajitas and I haven;t treated them any differently!!!

PLEASE HELP!!!

Agree with morning paper - my ds WOULD starve himself if given food he didn't like/thought he didn't like. Which is why he is skinny as a rake.

Sorry to be controversial but I still maintain that no child would! You all think they will but as long as they have access to nice food they will eventually eat, naturally some of the food offered will be things they like because you are not mean, but even if it wasn't they would eat eventally as the survival instinct will kick in. I'm not advocating you let it get to that point AT ALL! As parents its natural to worry and to want to nurture, thats our job. You do not here of babies and kids in famine or war hit countries where food is limited to only one or 2 kinds starving through will, they eat to survive fact! Sorry if I'm upsetting anyone.

Twinkie1 - that diet sounds exactly like my ds1. I just try to limit anything with too much sugar or salt (Birds Eye Alphabet potato thingies are nicer than smiley faces as no preservatives). I just try to make sure he eats cucumber and apple as often as possible. For what its worth, my brother lived on macaroni with plain cheese sauce from age 2 until age 7, is now 18, over 6ft and plays professional football.

tbh his diet sounds Ok - maybe I am biased cos ds1 is absolutely hopeless at eating too. Your ds has got loads of healthy snacks during the day so overall it sounds pretty good apart maybe from breakfast - does he have milk on cereal? (ds1 doesn't that's why I don't give it him. I don't know - is it important if they eat a lot at meal times and don't snack in between meals? imo no, but I'm no expert
we do competitions between the kids and between us to see who can eat the most/quickest/slowest/smallest or biggest pieces etc and we also make ds1's food talk to him. that's quite funny cos ds1 has a sadistic streak and likes the food to beg for mercy before biting it's head off but ds2 is a softie and likes his food to want to be eaten. All a bit of a faff though, but it has helped us.
I'm more symapthetic to ds1 these days since I worked out I'm exactly like him and hate being told what to eat/given food I don't like. I'd also half starve in that situation so I know where he's coming from.

you could also get a check up at the gp and even see if they can refer you if you want to put your mind at rest that his poor appetite is not caused by any medical issues.

A lof of what you seem to be giving him seems to be convenience food and TBH if he is going to eat such tiny amounts he needs to be eating the best stuff. Cheerios aren't as healthy as everyone thinks and sugar puffs must have lots of sugar. I would suggest porridge and mash banana. If he wants sausages make sure you buy the decent ones. If he won't eat veg, how about whizzing it up in the blender and adding to pasta or rice. The important thing is he is getting the goodness of the veg, you can work on proper pieces later. Also blend up some fruit with a bit of milk and yogurt and freeze in lolly moulds. Again, getting the goodness of the fruit. Get him involved as much as safety allows in preparing the food. It is a well proven fact that children eat more when they have made it themselves. I would put a very small amount on a plate and leave him to it. The more attention you give to his not eating the more he has power over you, and something to make an issue about. If he doesn't eat it, take it away and that is that until the next meal. Snacks of raw veg, fruit, cheese can be given once he has established a better eating routine. How about making your own rice pudding? It doesn't take long on the hob and will get milk in him. You can add fruit to that too. I would see the health visitor to check height and weight and maybe discuss vitamin supplements but my advice would be to step back, lighten up and see what happens. If all you serve is chicken nuggets (any other crap) that is what they will want. If all that is on offer is good home cooking (shep's pie, fish pie, casserole, etc) then eventually he will eat something. My daughter left physalis on her plate 10 times before she tried it and now it is a regular part of her diet. Same with baked beans and pasta.

Also could you make your own pizzas? You can put lots of different toppings on them. I also suggest the 1-2 tastes and if he genuinely doesn't like it fine but then just offer bread/toast and butter perhaps. He could just have a miniscule appetite but if that is the case he needs to be eating the best quality stuff imo.

what is physalis? (sorry, curious!)

It is a fruit. Asda sell them in little baskets and they have a thin paper like covering which you peel off and the fruit is a bit bigger than a marble and is a yellow colur. It is an aquired taste for me but my eldest 2 love them.

Oh! my new mumsnet fact for the day! I'll try them sometime then. Are they supposed to be especially good for you/tasty or just nice for a change kind of thing?

my son is 2 and he will never sit and eat a meal. he is always too busy 2 eat. he will eat anything but only when he wants it which means i have to put all sorts on a plate and let him eat it at his own pace instead of keep trying to get him to sit still and eat it, if i did he wouldnt eat a thing

forgot another couple of top tips
ds1 will only eat raw veg and loves raw carrot/pepper etc but won't eat it when cooked - have you tried raw veg with your ds? I usually just give ds1 his 'share' while I'm cutting up the veg for the pot
we do a lot of 'picnics' and 'buffet' type food where it is all on different plates and the kids help themselves. ds1 is also very very fussy about types of food mixed together/contamination by other food he doesn't like so he likes that better
I also stay totally calm (ha, it took me 3 years to get there!) and completely ignore any hissy fits about food he doesn't like, no matter how bad it gets. the only rule is that he has to leave the table and go next door if he's making a fuss, then he can shout and scream as much as he wants. he usually comes back and tries his food after 10 mins of this. but he is older so that might be a technique for the future?

morocco

I have no idea! I let the children choose a new fruit and veg and these looked fun. I try and buy different things all the time and I am lucky my children will eat everything.

What do you try to give him that he refuses? His diet doesnt sound tooooooo bad, although maybe not ideal.

Does he not eat pasta? if not pizza? you can hide ALOT of pureed vegetables in tomato pasta/pizza sauce.

Pureed fruit lollipops is also an idea to get him eating portions of fruit. I think you need to take the pressure off of eating a bit and leave him to it.

There are some days where my DD eats very little. Others where she eats loads. DS is a much more fussy eater, but its just because he knows what he wants and when he wants it. I dont want them to have ishoos with food later so atm Im just riding with it a bit now. If ever I have wanted DD to eat something all up or hurry up though - i make sure I have somethign to eat with her and I tell her "look, im beating you!!!" and we turn it into a bit of fun.

i mean ice lollies of course....

Sugarpop-I am afraid it is true that some children will starve themselves. My DS has Aspergers Syndrome and a very limited diet. At one point he stopped eating altogether for some days-I was told by the child psychiatrist that if he ever does it again, we have to take him to A and E. He said he does very occasionally have to put children like this on a drip. I know this is an extreme example as my DS has Aspergers, but people would often say about a "child never starving themsleves" when I was worrying about his not eating. In this case, it was not correct.

tortoiseshell,i know its hard,you get some well meaning people saying try whisking veg up,or do a healthy pizza,but he takes one looks and refuses point blank,so how am i suppose to get him to try,apart from pinning him down and opening his throat,which believe me i have felt like doing.chicken nuggets are ok,if you use proper chicken breast,not the cheapo 100 for £1 ones lol.I have four other children who all eat well,so i dont know why he is like this,i do wraps, curries ,pasta,cous cous,home made soups etc,so there is always new on offer.he too has all the crusts cut off,and he has weird combinations..

Sugarpop - agree with tiggiwinkle. Sorry but go to the NHS website and look up eating disorders in preschool children. One of the categories is children who end up in hospital on drips because they have no interest in food. These are NT children not just SN. I knew a mum who ds did this and it was a truly nightmare experience. Apparently they can grow up to understand why they need to eat.

Sugarpop have you had a child with eating problems? I'm not the only one on here to have a child who will easily go for days without eating until I give in. A near phobia of food means he is to frightened to eat foods unless they are 'safe'. Refusing any of these foods and leaving him with only unsafe foods mean he doesn't eat. FULLSTOP.

Yes there are a large amount of children out there (probably the majority) that will not starve themselves to death. However some will and some can go days without food (never left my ds longer to find out what will happen).

Just cos it has never happened to you, not tell us we are wrong - just be grateful.

Have you tried making im lollies (i.e., with pureed fruit, yoghurt, juice etc) so he thinks he's having a treat but is actualy eating a few portions of fruit?

My toddler is another non eater, though she is only 14m so I'm hoping it'll improve. Were your picky toddlers always like this? Is this a bad sign for things to come?!
I think dd's main issue is also the sitting still one. Atm the only way I get food into her is by sitting together in front of a Baby Einstein dvd and shovelling it in when she's distracted. On bad days even this doesn't work. Good days she will shovel it in herself.
On the plus side the quality of food she likes is excellent- lots of fruit and veg, fish, chicken and she does drink a lot of milk. What worries me is the social aspect as I want us all to sit at the table as a family when dh schedule changes next year. Do toddlers sitting skills improve any towards the second year or am I likey to have a battle on my hands

• lilmamma, ds won't eat things like pizza, because it is more than one food mixed up iyswim! And he can smell foods hidden in other foods - I tried cauliflower mashed up in mashedpotato and he was sick!

When ds hasn't eaten for a day he starts being sick and refusing food, and needs emergency dry biscuits/toast. I maintain he WOULD starve himself to death if I didn't give him the limited foods I know he will eat. I've seen him force himself to try a very small piece of roast chicken, nearly gag on it then keep it in his mouth for over 2 hours because he just couldn't swallow it - it was only when I brushed his teeth that he revealed it was still in his mouth and had to spit it out.

Just to add, he's also fussy about chocolate/ice cream/biscuits/sweets/cakes - there are only about 2 types of biscuits he will eat, and only very plain vanilla ice cream etc.

It has happened to me if you had read my earlier posts it happened with my son! Who is now a healthy teenage boy. Seems I was wrong in that there are exceptions but you are all implying that its common to starve oneself and it isn't!There is still too much paranoia rather than sticking to a good simple sensible diet and giving what the child will eat. we survived a period of my son eating only fromage frais. Health visitor said not to worry he will have strong bones as an adult! Other food was offered and we didn't make a fuss. Seems to me the more you draw attention to it the more a child will fight. Make mealtimes fun not a blinking battle! There rant over off for me tea!

Well tonight he had healthy delicious home made shepherds pie.

He looked at the dish, looked at me, growled and went and asked to watch pippin!! I said no he had to have some dinner so he went and got a plate and stood at the oven asking for chips and dip dip!!

I'm not a crap mum believe me and I don;t feed my daughter conveinience food - she eats anything but I was at the end of my tether with DS as he just wouldn;t eat - I know I should have just stuck to giving him good food and ignoring him if he refuses it but its so hard. I was a smug mumsnetter before I had him saying oh starve him, my DD eats everything yours will in the end but believe me its so hard!!!

Mind you now he is happily sitting with DH having his nightly bottle.

In the morning he will have yogurt and banana and honey and then at the creche I will let him have some raisins or some apple but thats it until lunch when I think its going to be a nice cheese sandwich. Then tomorrow night we will try pasta I think which I know he won't eat!! Maybe I should give it to him for lunch as he will probably be really hungry by then.

The hiding things in food doesn't work as he won't eat pasta or rice or pizza!!!

I'm away at the weekend but I've warned DH that he is not to have a nugget, fish finger sausage or chip until he learns to eat the food that we eat.

Anyway thanks for all of your input - I will keep you updated on the daily battles so you can see if this actually works.

I think my ds is stubborn enough to not eat for long periods,he has done this when I have tried the tough love approach, hew also will not eat smoothies, and will eat a normal tomato sauce on a pizza, (this is new and to be welcomed addition to his diet), and will sniff/taste out a sauce made up of vegetables at twenty paces. He is extremely anxious about trying new foods, so any hidden foods get detected becasue he pays a lot of attention to texture and appearance

My DS is similar to yours, he's the youngest of three and the pickiest of eaters. Before every meal he asks if I've put something yukky on his plate - really annoys me and I have to use full acting abilities not to let it show. he has improved over the last year helped by the fact that he has a sweet tooth, so we go for the traditional ' you won't get any pudding' route. My DM started telling him this about a year ago and so he'd say fine, I'll leave the table. However once he saw DD's tucking into their puddings suddenly he asked to finish his food, by which point it was still ont he table, but cold. He ate it.

So now he knows we mean business, if he choses to leave the table I still leave his plate in situ and still sometimes he'll come back 10 mins late to finish it because he's seen what his sisters have got. Mostly it doesn't get this far now.

Don't get me wrong, he is still fussy and whinges a lo, but it is improving.