what to do about my 7yr old daughter

[ladythatlunches]

Hello everyone,

I would very much appreciate some advice as im close to breaking point!

She is 7 a very bright clever girl. Very popular at school one of the top children in her class, always winning awards and outstanding reports.

Since the day she was born she has always been challenging. She was a very hard baby (she is our 2nd child) screamed morning noon and night. Never happy. Mine and dhs relationship came to breaking point as we were both at the end of our tethers with her.

As the years went on we both hoped she would improve but she didn't. Crying all the time, tantrums, wanting and demanding.

She is now a complete nightmare. I love this little girl to bits, constantly showered by affection, and out of all our 5 children she gets the most attention.

For instance if we go to the shops she will be the child on the floor screaming she wants this or that!

She doesn't listen to myself or husband she back chats, screams kicks, hangs off our legs, trashes the house.

We have sat down with all our children (well the ones old enough to understand) the rules in place, which our bad behaviour will be given warning then if continues a punishment will be given. Usually telly out of room, then sent to room, then grounded.

This falls on deaf ears with her, she will say she doesn't care, she will scream at me , she pulled out lounge curtains and poles down, kick the walls , say when we aren't looking she is going out (and does) she unlocks door and runs out, im chasing her and literally dragging her to her room while she screams and kicks , this will continue you till about 10/11 every night till she screams her self to sleep, after waking our little ones up numerous times in night.

I have been in tears, I can be calm with her, ive tried just cuddling her, screaming at her and this is still our everyday life.

Last night was horrendous hence seeking advice this morning, she went on till midnight last night, refused to go to bed , yet again trashed her room.

I have never hit any of my children ever but last night the thought of picking her up and throwing her out the door crossed my mind! Im so ashamed to admit that.

I can't go on likey this anymore Im exhausted and need help. Can anyone help? Suggest someone I could call? Or try.

Just to add I have taken her to doctors and health visitor few years ago and when she was a baby, but apparently she is a normal behaved child. I don't like comparing but my othery xhildren are nothing likey this at all.

I shall post a few places as im desperate. .

[Swanhilda]

Oh and give her lots of responsibilities. Make the fact that she is older a positive thing, she is helping you etc. A bit contradictory combined with the babying in other ways, but it will make her feel proud of her skills rather than anxious to be one of the little ones. Make sure your older son is very polite to her, rather than putting her down. Make sure you praise her in front of him, so that he sees your regard for her. Never point out how much better behaved any of the other children are compared to her. All these make things MUCH MUCH WORSE.

Good luck, it is hard with five! (I only had three)

[Swanhilda]

She also sounds as if she is seeking loads of sensory imput, which dd was as well, with the kicking, the hugging the clinging, the trashing. Can you think of positive ways to get her that input? Dancing, climbing, pets, hugging, rolling her up in sleeping bags, tunnels, crawling over obstacle courses. Some children need a lot of physical sensations to synch themselves. Read Out of Synch Child too.

[MissSmiley]

What swanhida said. I have an eight year old daughter the second of five children. She has an older brother 11 and twin brothers 6 and little sister 3. She has always been the most difficult to deal with. We have tried all tactics but like you our other four children behave very well. We realised a while ago that she needs me more than I realised and found it hard to tell me. I've never had much time for her on my own but I try to give her lots of responsibility and make her feel different to the three younger ones.
Your problems sound v similar to ours. I'm glad to say now that she is a bit older she can articulate her feelings better. I take her with me if I'm nipping out to shops on my own and generally try to make her feel loved.

She says to me now "I want you mummy" and I think that is what she has been trying to say for years with all the difficult behaviour.

Hope you can both fall in love again and find your special relationship like we seem to have managed to.
X

[newgirl]

What wonderful posts swan and miss

That's exactly it. When I spent more time on my own with dd and I hug her every day and at nighttime we got on so much better and she calmed down