Advice please on leaving a 3yo screaming at preschool - your views on school's approach?

[OhGood]

DD is on her 4th day at preschool, 2 mornings a week. She also goes to a childminder, where she is very happy and secure.

Her first few drop-offs at preschool were fine. Yesterday I had to leave her screaming hysterically and fighting to get to me. They phoned to say she had settled OK after about half an hour. For the next few days, she was very clingy and unwilling to let me leave her - which she hasn't done since she was very much younger.

Their policy is very much 'Drop her and go'. Hey key worker takes her from me and holds her down cuddles her while I leave.

I know this is just one bad drop-off, and she's got a while to go before she settles.

In an ideal world, I would have stayed with her as long as it takes to get her settled, every time I dropped her off. (I know what works for her.) I thought I would try the school's way - it's soooo hard to know what to do.

I would like your views on the school's approach. They say this is all part of learning detachment and children never learn it's safe to detach otherwise. Is 'leave them even if they're screaming' a common approach? Any advice? Thank you.

[OhGood]

Thanks all. I am going to speak to her key worker tomorrow, and then DH will drop her on Weds - she finds it a bit easier to leave him than me. Hopefully that will avoid the big crying this time, which will mean it's less likely to turn into a big thing. Then I will see how she does over the next 3/4 goes round, and if it's not working we'll try somewhere else.

Also, we're going to make something for her to give her key worker (like a drawing or something) so she has something to instantly hand over and be distracted by and get thanks and praise for.

Will let you know how it goes, but any other views appreciated. This seems very common.

[Marthanoooo]

I would opt for a two week settling period with Mum or Dad (usually a couple of hours per day) and then drop and go. That is our nursery's policy afaik.

Also, around starting nursery you can practise the mantra: "mummy is always coming back!" That's also what I said at drop off. Or when they are a bit older you could say: "I pick you up after quiet time etc" this made a huge difference.

Tbh parents staying for prolonged settling (unless there is SN etc) is actually disruptive to the other children, just something to keep in mind.

Basically

• you should be granted a settling-in period for a couple of weeks
  
• after that I would just walk out after the good-bye ritual (like someone said, placing on a particular mat orhanding over in the arms of a key worker who may have to restrain at the beginning, but later will be able to distract)
  
• if you think your child doesn't like nursery too much I'd rather pick her up early
  

Lastly, I would also accept that there will always be days where they love going to nursery and others where they'd prefer to stay snuggled up on the sofa... Normal part of life, no?

Good luck!

[Marthanoooo]

Your new strategy is good btw!

Yes, and it is very very common, it's a big step for them! And they will learn so much.

[VinegarDrinker]

Oh yes, that's something I've started doing with DS (not consciously!): "first it will be circle time, then dancing, then snacks and then the park, then lunch. Then it will be quiet time and more snacks and then Daddy will come to pick you up".