Holding your own baby is very different to holding someone elses. They feel like a part of you, like your arm or leg. It?s not as scary as it seems.
Probably the best thing I can tell you is that no one is born fully knowing their baby or even how each different baby ticks (they?re all a ?little? bit different) and there are times (an awful LOT of times) when the baby cries and you have no idea why, even when you?ve done EVERYTHING you can think of that they might need. Some babies are more like this than others, but its important to know you are not a bad parent if you can?t always figure out what?s going on. Fingers crossed you don?t have a complicated baby!
My husband and I made a joke ?algorithm chart? in our heads and used to say to each other: Number 1, nappy CHECK, number 2, feed CHECK, number 3, burp CHECK, number 4, too hot or cold CHECK, number 5 overtired CHECK, number 6 needing a cuddle CHECK?.. we sometimes got to number 10 and baby was still yelling at the top of his lungs, so we just bundled him into the car seat at 4am and drove down the dual carriageway until he fell asleep. That would buy us about 2 -3 hours sleep!
You will find so many people have completely different ideas about how to look after a baby, and many bits of advice completely disagree with each other! I think it must be because like I said not all newborns are the same ? I was surprised to discover that they don?t wait until they?ve grown up to have their own personality. I assumed because hubby and I are both laid back then so will our baby be, but he was quite a high-maintenance little fella as far as babies go, and so it doesn?t always work out that easy parents equal an easy baby and vice versa.
The bottom line is, its ?horses for courses? and what works for one family and newborn doesn?t always work for another. Even within the same family, a baby can act completely differently and so needs to be treated accordingly. Until you?ve got your baby out you won?t know what sort of newborn you?re dealing with and so it?s hard for you to decide exactly what sort of parenting you?ll do. It will be a degree of trial and error.
One example of this is; a previous poster said they regretted not putting their baby down to sleep more, and feel that they are paying for it now, at the toddler stage.
My experience was the opposite! I was so desperately tired I fought hard to put the baby down as much as possible, and I really regret that now. He was a forceps delivery and so started life with a bruised painful head, and I think he needed a huge amount of comfort. He might have been that sort of baby anyway (I will never know!) but I do regret not snuggling up with him more than I did. Don?t get me wrong, I really wanted to be a good Mum and meet all of his needs, and did give him comfort, but I spent an awful lot of time feeling like death warmed up and not coping with the physical demands, so tried to put him down to sleep so I could get my much needed rest too.
I?m expecting my second baby now and would try to cuddle more than put him down all the time. Like the poster who regretted NOT putting the baby down more, I have found the toddler years have been rocky sleep-wise as well, so what I am saying is, it can happen anyway, whether or not you try to put the baby down a lot in the beginning.
The other thing that many people say, is to feed the baby as soon as it makes a noise. Not sure if you want to breastfeed or not, but my baby was latched on to me for 12 hours at one point in the early days, and every time I tried to remove him he woke very quickly crying again, which meant I got very little rest. Also all that excessive feeding with no break made me VERY VERY sore indeed! Some experts seem to think that they need a little rest between feeds to properly absorb each feed and not get too colicky/windy, and so that the milk quality can have time to replenish and not be so watery. I?m not an expert so I don?t know, but I can tell you that feeding without proper breaks did not make for a satisfied baby.
Since then, I?ve learned through a professional breastfeeding consultant, that you shouldn?t over-feed a newborn or you will become terribly sore. Try if possible to give them a good feed then have an hour?s break. Obviously if they haven?t fed properly then you shouldn?t wait the hour as the baby needs to feed and stimulate your milk production (by sucking). It can be a little bit sore but if it is excruciatingly painful then usually the latch isn?t quite right, so always seek professional help if it makes you cry to feed.
You sound like you come from a family of good sleepers so good luck with your baby, I hope you get a good sleeper! But if you don?t, then that?s pretty common too, so try not to worry. It feels at the time as though you will never have your life back but you will. No stage lasts forever, even though it?s hard to feel that in the middle of the night!
My health visitor advised me to do a little night routine at 6 weeks old. This involved feeding him by his cot, after a warm bath, with dim lights and no TV, around 7:30pm. I was completely sceptical as I thought you wait til they?re school age to worry about bedtime routines! But I tried it out of desperation and it worked like a dream. He lasted for the longest time before I picked him up around 10:30pm to give him a sleepy feed (in dim lights, by the bed), and then he lasted much better overnight sleep-wise. I can?t say why it worked but it did, so it?s worth a try.
My Mum had a large family and even she didn?t always know what to do with my baby when he cried. So I got some comfort from that fact. Parenthood is richly rewarding, but there is an element that is a guilt-trap (always doubting if you?ve done everything correctly!) and I think that?s just part of the package deal with being a parent.