How does your 4yr old help round the house?

[thegraduand]

I'm getting frustrated that DD (just turned 4) relies on me to do everything, even things I know she can do like getting shoes on. However talking to her about it this morning, it seems she gets frustrated that I don't let her do things to help that she wants to do. At nursery she is "special helper" on certain days and gets to help serve food and clear away. I want to try and develop a list of chores that she can "own" and maybe linked to small rewards if she keeps doing them. My list so far is:

• put clothes in the washing basket
  
• dress self
  
• plate in the dishwasher after meals
  
• get cutlery out for everyone for dinner.
  
  Can anyone thing of one or two others?

[FreakoidOrganisoid]

I should add that mine don't do these things while i sit with my feet up and a cuppa They clear the table while i wash up, I'll clear the surface and they dust...
Some of the things (eg starting the bath and turning on the washing machine) they've only started doing because they've wanted to.

Others like wiping the table and sweeping the floor I've made them do even though they don't enjoy it. Im not the one who drops food everywhere and I think it is important that they realise that a lot of what I have to do isn't fun. They don't do it everytime but probably 50% of the time between them

[SquidgyMummy]

DS is 2.4, he loves "chores".
If he hears me saying we are going out, he goes and gets his shoes and puts them on.
Ditto the laundry, he drops what he is doing and runs to the machine.
He loves wiping surfaces and has even been known to pull up a chair and do the washing up.
Obviously none of these things are done perfectly, and i need to redo but he finds it fun and I'm hoping that i won't have a teenage boy i have to nag too much in a decade's time.

[RobotHamster]

IllGetOverIt

Fair enough - your other post said "Erm nothing. You're their mother" and I've seen a fair few of these threads where people come on and are totally shocked that any parent would expect their child to do anything.

I think those people are the makings of future "My MIL is controlling and goes through my DH's clothes and rewashes them all"



totally agree with your post. Natural progression of learning is a good way to put it - gradually adding more responsibility for your own possessions and needs.

[SummerRainIsADistantMemory]

Ds2 is fascinated with helping me so asks to do lots like help unload the dishwasher and help with cleaning. He loves sweeping too and often takes it upon himself to sweep the living room, he even gets the dustpan and brush and bins it.

On the flip side of that ive only just managed to get him to even attempt to dress himself and his room is a disaster zone as he pulls every toy out daily!

My older two ate useless, they set the table but any other jobs require much hours of coercing, bribing and shouting so it's usually easier not to bother and do it myself, ds1 does have SN though... Dd has no excuse!

[FunnysInLaJardin]

my DC do nowt. They are 3 and 7. They are lazy

[IllGetOverIt]

Robot-I was correct the first time.

Independence is different to chores. Our eldest puts his dirty laundry in the wash basket, shoes on the shoe rack, coat on the coat stand, toys in the right boxes away, dishes in the kitchen etc basic independence.

What I mean, and what didn't come across probably v well is that independence should be a natural progression of learning. If our dc doesn't tidy his toys in his bedroom before going to school I won't do it for him, neither will he get told off for not doing it. But he has to do it before bed.

He's taught that (in out house) a little independence is essential as I'm not prepared to clear up every single thing after very person. Or is be chasing my tail all day.

You want it-if plausible you get it.
You finished-you tidy up

But all at a child's pace. They have the rest of their lives to be I dependant and clearing up and helping out. Let them enjoy being young. Respectfully.

That's the difference between chores and indendence.

[RobotHamster]

Horry- yes, he doesn't take care of house things yet at all, he's too little for that. He will wipe his little table and sort out his own things.

Sometimes Imake him help me with the laundry. Its for his own good

[RobotHamster]

openerofjars - oh lord. the playmobil hair

That is one thing DS is terrible at. He'll pick up all the lego, all the scooby doo stuff will be in its box, dressing up stuff away. Playmobil stuff is ignored and tbh I don't blame him. I think I need to box it up and put it away from everybody to preserve sanity.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Robot I definitely agree with that. Four is too young to do "household jobs" but old enough to take care of one's own belongings.

[openerofjars]

Ooh, I forgot one: he wakes us up in the mornings, making sure to get up especially early at weekends. It's a skill.

I'm pretty much just here to put the hair back on playmobil people.

[RobotHamster]

"Er. They are 4. They don't do around the house. They may not do it at 14, 24, 34, etc"

Are you actually mad?

[RobotHamster]

"Agree with Robot

My answer is..... Erm nothing. You're their mother !"

You don't agree with me at all. I think it's a great thing to teach children that there isn't a magic cleaning fairy that picks up after them, and they need to learn it from an early age. I will not have DS grow up to be one of those men who think that laundry and housework magically does itself.

DS has been tidying up his own toys since he was old enough to pick them up. I expect him to put his own clothes in the laundry and take his own plate out to the kitchen. If you start young then you don't have to have a big argument when they're older and have got used to doing bugger all.

He doesn't do hoovering yet, but as soon as hes tall enough....

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Mine is 4.8.

He is expected to clear the table of his own things after meals, put his dirty clothes in the washing basket, and put his shoes away.

We tidy up together as he needs micromanaging - eg I ask him to put the plastic blocks in their drawer while I put the dinosaurs away.

He gets himself dressed but likes me to put his clothes out probably 6 days a week.

[blacktaildog]

oh good ideas

[notcitrus]

My 4yo is meant to put coat, hat, shoes tidily away when he comes in, and almost always does.
Getting dressed - can do, usually does. Except when has a stop instead.

Brings used dishes to kitchen, put on side - when reminded.

Not much else, but he is very good at passing things when I have the baby, and in particular keeping baby happy while I get stuff done. Which is very useful and a good foundation for the future.

He's small and can only just reach say kitchen counter, so that restricts what he can do. He's only recently managed buttons and bottom-wiping, which were priority.

Once we have a new warm kitchen I can let him in, ill work on laying cutlery and returning cups etc to the kitchen.

[thegraduand]

Phew, I can never decide if I spoil DD because she is an only child, then at the same time I feel like I'm always being bossy and nagging

[tigerdriverII]

Er. They are 4. They don't do around the house. They may not do it at 14, 24, 34, etc

[IllGetOverIt]

Agree with Robot

My answer is..... Erm nothing. You're their mother !

Though our dc enjoys helping me do things and having a natter as we go. If its a 'chore' they won't be as interested.

Independence - yes
At the sacrifice of their tiny amount of time as a dc- no

[HeffaFlump]

Any Tips
It took me two hours to get my 4yo Ds to pick up his crayons

[Acinonyx]

Well my 7 yr-old does very little of this stuff and at 4 - absolutely none. Somehow I doubt that I am alone....

[RobotHamster]

Bear in mind that the only people who will have replied to this thread are people who have 4yos that do lots.

I'm surprised we've not had the posters who say 'they are only a baby once, you're their MOTHER. Why can't you do everything for them'

[openerofjars]

DS is 4.4 and he:
Puts his own and baby DD's clothes in the wash basket
Entertains his baby sister
Takes his plate to the kitchen
Tidies up his toys under protest
Wipes the basin after he has brushed his teeth
Dresses himself
Fetches things (runner)
Switches the television on/off
Gets himself a drink
Puts cutlery out for meals
Takes rubbish to the kitchen bin and indoor recyc bins

He is no good at nipping out to the offie, though, bless him.

[DeWe]

Mine always found it fun to help me with jobs.
Things like:
put the clothes into the washing basket
Make beds
Strip beds (for sheet washing)
Collect all towels round house (for washing)
Clean the small oven (while I cleaned the big one)
Help make dinner/bake

The sort of thing where I'm doing some and they're doing some. it's a lovely time to chat. Now they'll do some things by themselves. My 5yo can set a wash going on his own, or strip the beds for washing day, clean the kitchen floor, bake small cakes with help with the oven.

[thegraduand]

OK, your 4 year olds do a lot more than mine. I think it's time for a talk about helping round the house

[BreadForMyBREADGUN]

Hmm some of those might have been closer to 5, thinking about it