We can't seem to cope now I have 3 children

[claypole44]

I have always thought of myself as good at caring for children, in fact I have made a career out of it. However, with 3 young children of my own, aged 1,3 and 6 I feel at my wits end and my husband feels the same.

I am trained in managing challenging behaviour which is why it is such a slap in the face, not to be able to manage my own kids without feeling like I want to scream and run for the hills. My kids are all very loud,confident and outgoing (which I love) but they challenge us all day, everyday and I find myself wishing myself back to work and away from them. I have planned to retrain at university which will mean my husband and I will both be working full time. I really wanted to enjoy this last year at home with them and I feel so guilty that I haven't.

They are rude, argumentative, destroy the house etc. I think we are strict and follow all the text book advice. Praise & rewards, time out, consequences etc I am referee for their bickering and fighting.I guess this is all normal behaviour just amplified 3 times!! Maybe not being with them all the time will change my perspective. I wish I was more earth mother type and I know a lot of people would love a year at home with their children. Family say I set my expectations way too high but it's hard not to when being a good mum is so important to me.

Anyone else relate to this? any other parents of 3?

[hazeyjane]

I have 3 (6, 5 and 2.5).

It is a mixture of craziness and calm. There are days, when I look at all 3 of them together, and thank my lucky stars that we had 3. Other days, there is a lot of screaming, and everything they do seems to wind up one of the others until there is the equivalent of a mini atomic bomb and everyone explodes. When it gets like this I try and separate them all, so we can all have 10 minutes away from each other, then we all come back together for a cuddle on the sofa.

[robino]

Thank you for making me feel more normal.

I have three girls aged 5, 4, 1.5. We live overseas and I am currently home schooling them. Day in, day out they are at home, demanding food and making a mess. Exhausting.

The middle one and the little one are sleeping spectacularly badly at the moment and DH and I have given in, we're having alternate nights in the spare room, fondly known as the isolation tank, just to try and get on a vaguely even keel sleep wise.

The only thing I can add for those of you with destructive phase younger ones is something I've been trying to do after chatting with a friend who pointed out that DD3's running away and pulling every piece of every toy out were both just spectacularly effective ways of getting my attention. I am trying to sit down with just her a couple of times a day and read a story with just her, or do a jigsaw or something - it seems to be helping a bit.

[naturalbaby]

Lingdilong I'm registering as a childminder at the moment...because I only have 1 till 11:15am in the mornings while the others are at nursery/school.
Trying to set up a business is hard enough without being a full time mum!

[Leafmould]

Eye of the storm. It does not sound harsh, it is very true and clear advice. I recommend it.

[Aboutlastnight]

I think the bar is set so high these days. I have three children and I work -about to go on nightshift tonight- and I find a lot of the time I am too damn tired/ busy to do nice things with them like games, puzzles, crafts.

I work, I sleep ( alot as I work nights and evenings and find it impossible to get up sometimes) I do housework, washing and then more housework and then go back to bed/work.

It isn't how I thought it would be -but my girls are happy, thriving at school, we are financially stable, we can afford the odd treat, after school activities, so I hope I am doing my best.

But a lot if the time I feel I have nothing left to give

[SrirachaGirl]

Mine are 11, 8 and 6 and sound exactly like yours...all very active, talkative, clever, argumentative and I spent every day feeling like I was being outfoxed by them when theywere tiny. The ages you describe we're the absolute hardest (sorry). I read every book, tried charts, stickers, punishments, rewards etc. Nothing really worked until I decided to just surrender and go into survival mode. Beg, borrow, steal childcare as often as you can and go to the gym (use a crèche if they have one) to unleash the frustration, get everyone outside as much as possible...even if it means just taking them to a field and letting them run riot and have a large glass of wine in the evening while they are having their tea (only one, mind). Anti-depressants are also really, really amazingly helpful for getting you through those tough years...my theory is that the day-to-day exhaustion of multiple mini-person care and sleepless nights is enough to trigger low-level depression in anyone and I think they should hand the out in the hospital to all multigravidae.

[naturalbaby]

anti-depressants....have been on my mind for 3yrs! last time I was really low I was bfeeding so couldn't really take anything. Am very tempted to go to the GP now, just to get through Christmas!

[hattymattie]

Just to echo everybody else really - it's a totally different dynamic - mine are now 16, 14 and 10 - 2 girls and a boy. The house is still chaotic - I do not tidy their bedrooms and every now and then I mobilise the troops for a big tidy. Sibling rivalry I'm sad to say continues. When they were smaller and fighting I sent them all to their rooms. It is very easy to get sucked into refereeing though and I'm not very good at avoiding that one.

Also - refuse to respond when they yell "Mummy" from elsewhere in the house - they have to come and ask in a quiet voice - you are not the servant!