5yo - over sensitive with clothes, tags etc - what to do?

[olivo]

The past few months have been hell with DD, just 5, being over sensitive to waistbands, tags, night nappies, shoes/socks - and I dont know what to do. she is very highly strung and cries very easily but she is making getting dressed every day absolute hell - screaming, tearing things off etc.

She hates the seams on socks, tags inside shoes, anything on her waist, the night nappies rub( she then takes them off and wets the bed - we have tried all available brands)

Can anyone suggest anything? I have tried taking clothing tags off but sometimes they leave a but which rubs more. I am dreading her going back to school

[rattie77]

Hi, Sorry haven't read all the threads in great depth as shouldn't be on here as getting ready to go out, so apologies if this book has already been suggested- The Highly Sensitive Child - by Elaine N Aron. She writes in depth about Sensitivity and processing issues. Her first book The Highly Sensitive Person was like a revelation to me - as it literally described me which was brilliant as I always felt a bit different. Well worth a look anyway.

[KitKat84]

OK, I fear i might ramble but any thoughts are welcome!

DS is now 5.4 and was always high needs. Had to be constantly held as a baby, never liked sleeping alone, refused solid foods completely until he was 10 months and even then would tolerate only mush until he was 18 months. He will only eat bland/beige food now. The neurotic hissy fits over the clothes which I have already posted about (which appear to be getting worse as he gets older) and he has a constant need for control.

His little habits are almost autistic in description, doesn't socialise all that well with children his own age and has ridiculous rituals and if anyone disrupts them he has a melt down. The best thing I can use as an example is if when I used to pick him up and carry him a little way (when he was much younger obviously!) and then put him down, he would start flapping his hands and tell me to carry him back to the place where I first picked him up so he could walk the whole way. He has certain triggers which have taken me ages to work out but now I know them I can prevent a meltdown and actually, now he is older, he can make his own way out of his meltdowns much quicker. I didn't mention sleeping issues before as I didn't really think about it - he has always been difficult to get off to sleep but the meltdowns he has before bedtime are not normal. It can take an hour to get him settled, he screams at me shouts horrible things like he wishes I wasn't his mum etc .... Some nights he can be fine, there seems to be no rhyme or rhythm to it. He wakes in the night every night without fail and comes into my bed where he spends all night scrunching up my hair inhis sleep - he has this thing about womens' hair?!

The thing is, I don't think he is autistic, he is affectionate, follows instructions, has good understanding and can show empathy but tbh I have noticed that recently his empathy 'skills' seems to be declining. Whether that is an age/stage thing or not I don't know. He can socialise but only if he has control. The control is a big issue and I never know how much to give him and how much to have myself.

I have read al ot of websites about sensory issues in children and DS seems to have a lot of these signs/symptoms but I don't know if it is any more than the 'normal' child.

I really don't know if I am looking for something where there is nothing iyswim. His teachers have commented on his desire to be in control and his competitiveness (seriously out of control - sports day was cringeworthy!) but he hasn#t had any melt downs at school. His teacher has seen him in one though because she had to take him off me when I dropped him at school one morning and he was having the mother of all tantrums (his coat was hurting his shoulders apparently sigh). I do know these meltdowns are not common but am wondering if I am enabling them in some way as he does not do this at school? Does it sound like some kind of sensory issue?

I am at my wit's end here, at the moment he is still small enough to pick up and control when he kicks off when we are out and about but he is a big boy and very strong and I don't know how long I can physically cope with it.
Probably a lot of irrelevant information - sorry:/

[olivo]

Feel free to hijack - I feel better for knowing I am not the only one trying to deal with these issues!

[KitKat84]

Thanks I've ordered some seamless socks. I've been doing a lot of online reading about this but will make a new post in a bit as I don't want to hi-jack this one further!

[olivo]

thanks to everyone for their suggestions. we reached a real peak last night ending up with me passing out, and I am now exhausted. We have a new mattress arriving today so one of us can sleep on her floor each night, hopefully the other will get some sleep.

I will buy some seamless socks, and I took DD to the shoe shop yesterday, so she could hear from someone else that her shoes are the right size.

Muggles, I will (try to) PM you about the book!!

[spudmasher]

So helpful that website. might have just saved our lives thank you .l

[CaptainNancy]

So sorry- I have referred to your precious child as 'he', and of course is a DD, v sorry.

[welliesandpyjamas]

Ohhhh, ds1 had this! With labels, wool, rougher fabrics, and interestingly night terrors too. He's 8 now and for the main part has grown out of it - he'll wear clothes with labels now and only has one item that he refuses to wear without a layer between it and his skin. Frustrating as it has been, we just had to accept that everyone has different skin sensitivity. DH hates the feel of velvet and silk and MIL also mentioned recently that she too hates the feel of wool against her skin, so maybe it's in the genes

[DinahRod]

x posted

[DinahRod]

seamless socks 1

seamless socks 2

seamless socks 3

M&S used to do some really nice girls ankle socks with the seams folded back into itself so no chafing

[NonnoMum]

Yep - please can someone link to seamless socks?? DD1 was like this - we had to turn them inside out - and would spend ages getting them just so...

[KitKat84]

This thread has been very interesting. First of all, where do I buy seamless socks?!
My DS has control issues and he isn't good socially.

[BuckBuckMcFate]

Ds2 is like this about labels. And waistbands.

I always feel really awful when I think back to how unhappy he seemed as a baby and I didn't know that it was labels causing it

We have control issues too, though these are much improved from when he was 4, he's 7 now.

I'm going to look up the brushing technique as he said to me the other day, I wish my skin was just stronger mum and I felt quite helpless. Though I find a little bit of talc seems to ease the discomfort got him.

[DinahRod]

Sorry re the night-time toilet training - must be really tough - and of course having a hot and then cold nappy on must drive her wild and probably has a knock on to the bad dreams.

Have read up on night terrors - if dcs are obliging and wake up on cue (even if a couple of times a night), then the advice appears to be to set your own alarm and wake them fully before the onset, even get them to go to the loo or something and then back to sleep. However, not all are so obliging to stick to a pattern! The other advice I've taken on board is not to tell them their bad dreams have no basis as that doesn't help them at 2am, so instead we (me and dc) comically boot them (whatever's in the dream) out of the bedroom window, out of the house, out of the town etc and because they are scared of us ('Big Bad Mummy' and whatever comic super hero name dc comes up with for themselves, we show our muscles and the bad dreams have silly voices that are 'really really sorry/didn't mean it' but we show them no mercy!) and then a chat about something they are looking forward to. Plus give them the message that they know where I am, they can always come and find me anytime (have no wish to see them at 3am but they are reassured)

Dcs are liking my Elvive shampoo and conditioner which contains royal jelly and we comb it through with a round edged wide spaced thick comb (so no tearing/tugging) and then into two plaits whilst still and distracted by children's television.

Just wishing you well with your own trials and errors with dc!

[CaptainNancy]

re sleep (we've had this) - could you put his mattress next to your bed for a while, so that you aren't all losing so much sleep, as he'll be reassured quicker on waking if you're within arms length reach IYSWIM?

We had to do this with DD for about 6 months (from around 4.9-5.3) but she's back in her own room again now, and down to around 1 waking a night, terrors have lessened a little (2,3 a week now).

[MugglesandLuna]

If anyone wants a copy of the book that Lynette linked too I have a copy going spare which I can pop in the post to someone.

[olivo]

thanks, it's crap, isnt it? Glad you are getting some help. I think I am finally being taken seriously - not a moment too soon!

[LynetteScavo]

I'd never linked the temperature thing, but DS has that too.

At Easter he actually cried in the park because it was too hot.

[olivo]

quite complex - began with night terrors, nightmares, then just a full on separation/fear thing, shouting for me - hysterical if DH goes in, coming to get me, standing by my bed while I'm sleeping - sometimes awake,sometimes not, list goes on. A godod night, only up 3 times, a bad night up to 8 times. Have sought help but it is slow in coming. has been going on for 6 months now.