Tips needed please - How do I tell a 10 month old..........

[mumfor1sttime]

DS is now crawling and youve guessed it - he touches everything, how do I tell him to not touch things?
Today he kept touching dvd recorder and I said 'no', he obviously kept touching it, and I had to say 'no' about twenty times, he was laughing at me thinking I was playing a game!
I want to keep him safe and for him to learn the word 'no'. I feel such a meany.

[mumfor1sttime]

I agree to an extent that things have to be moved and that safety is a priority in the home. I just dont agree with 'wrapping the whole house in cotton wool'. Children have to learn what is safe/acceptable to touch.
It is difficult so far for me as ds doesnt understand why he cant touch things, but I live in hope that he will learn in time.
As for the issue of toys/pram/baby stuff in the house, the only reason that I hate to see it all over the house is because I live in a tiny house, and if I didnt tidy it away or put out of sight - I would go crazy!
When I was pg with ds my dh said to me 'we arent going to be one of those families that has baby stuff everywhere, and toys in every room are we?'

[suedonim]

But children are not all the same and don't react as one to any particular strategy. Nothing worked with ds1 except removal of the object of his desire. He was incredibly meddlesome and had to push/pull/turn/twist/bend everything he saw, which was a real bind in shops. None of my other three have been anywhere near as bad as him and we didn't have to toddlerproof the house to the same extent with them.

Ds1 is now 30yrs old and married but I've noticed when we're out he still cannot resist picking things up, poking at buttons, turning dials and generally fiddling with things. I suspect it may be in the genes, tbh, as I am quite tactile and need to feel things before I buy hence I'm not really drawn to online shopping.

[anniebear]

But if you have Children, surely things have to be moved and we have to have prams, toys etc around!!

I know very few people who turn round and say "oh my Child never touched anything" A few do and I am always a bit jealous!!

At the end of the day, the dvd,/video in a cabinet saves a lot of stress all round . We still have a bobble wrapped round our video cabinet doors!!! to stop my DD opening it !(she's 4 but has SN)

I agree to cover the dvd up if you have no cabinet. A 10 month old isn't going to realise he can't touch it (although will learn eventually)

And why not have stair gates? You wouldn't want your child to fall down the stairs and have to go to Hospital. You can't be with them all the time watching them , so make your house and child proof as possible

And if you have children....enjoy them! Don't worry about clutter, toys, stair gates, prams, they come with having a child

I spent long enough with my Baby in Hospital, something I couldn't have done anything about, I couldn't have stopped her illness (Meningitis) so the things you can do to keep your children healthy and safe...do them!!

Don't want to sound like I am preaching!! Just after what we have been through, I can't understand anyone not keeping their child safe as best they can. Sorry, have come away from dvd player slightly!!

[Witchycat]

Haven't read all the thread (due back off lunch break) but I sympathise. DD is also 10 months old and loves messing with the video/dvd/telly.

We tell her no in a stern voice & move her away and she either a)cackles with laughter or b) puts on her 'extremely annoyed with parents/outraged' face and cries. I.e. she doesn't get the message. Everything else is out of her way but I guess it's just a long haul of repetition until she gets the message.

I dpn't remember this with ds (now 4). He didn't bother with the video until he was old enough to know he coudl use it to watch his programmes & then he just figured out how to use it properly.

[Papillon]

I know what you mean mummfor1sttime... I felt like signing off with... paps child therapist!

Never read any books about child discipline, just browsed some sites. Listen to my own gut feeling really. Works for me.

[dejinglejags]

our house is absolutely toddlerproof but what do you do at other people's houses?

when we visit it's a nightmare - DS2 is into everything and I can never sit still for even a second. It's so bad at the moment that we tend to avoid go to peoples houses who don't have kids, it's just too stressful.

[Kelly1978]

I did manage to get away with not havign one downstairs but did have to keep a close eye on dd. The door to the lounge was usually shut so it wasn't a problem. we have it completely toy free by the evening too, we need the adult sanctuary after spending all day with 4 kids. '

papillion - so dont we have to learn that rule breakign is not acceptable? Which is an even bigger reason for not completely removing everythign out of the child's reach. They then learn restrictions.

[mumfor1sttime]

whoops

[mumfor1sttime]

Agree also hotmama. My friends little boy of 15 months(age at the time) came round to visit when ds was newborn and he pulled all my dvds out and pulled the plastic piece covering tv buttons from the tv. My friend said nothing. I didnt want to offend (wouldnt bother me now), so I just kept picking things up after him!
At home he is allowed to hit the tv screen with toys.

[mumfor1sttime]

Agree also hotmama. My friends little boy of 15 months(age at the time) came round to visit when ds was newborn and he pulled all my dvds out and pulled the plastic piece covering tv buttons from the tv. My friend said nothing. I didnt want to offend (wouldnt bother me now), so I just kept picking things up after him!
At home he is allowed to hit the tv screen with toys.

[mumfor1sttime]

Sorry, just sounded like something you read somewhere.

[hotmama1]

I agree with Kelly1978. I say No to my dd who is 13 months - but only when important so not to dilute the importance of the word. No is generally reserved for no hands in the cats food bowl

I have put in socket guards and cupboard locks on the kitchen cupboard which contains the bleach etc - as I don't want ignoring 'No' means that she comes to any real harm.

IMHO - they need to learn that they can't do everything they want and that are boundaries - not mummy just being horrible! My mum never moved ornaments etc - only stuff that could cause harm - her argument was that a child is more able to not touch when visiting less child-friendly houses - I agree it drives me mad when other mums think it is acceptable for their children to have no respect for other peoples belongings.

Can't believe that I agree with one of my mum's parenting skills - what is the world coming to

[Papillon]

I read it in myself - my viewpoint and personal experience.

[mumfor1sttime]

Where did you read that!!lol

[Papillon]

All humans young and old learn via experience. Therefore knowing the limitations and apathy to the word NO in the mind of an inquisitive child is a good thing for a parent to recognise.

It would be simple if we had an on/off button for cognition of NO. But we have curiousity and rule breaking tendencies instead! So working on how to deal with those aspects can help bring flexibility to our discplinary stance and greater understanding of situations and how to deal with them from the perspective of both the child and the parent.

[mumfor1sttime]

Good for you for not moving everything kelly1978!
We are trying to decide whether to put up a stair gate on the bottom of the stairs, we have one upstairs but dont want one downstairs as it would be in our living room! I cant stand to see 'house full of baby things', I have to hide the buggy, highchair, toys(except during day) as I hate the clutter!

[Kelly1978]

oh my ds destroyed my only pot plant, went and sat on it. I suppose he was trying to be a christmas fairy! I think mine learned by the time they were about two. I'm finding it quite hard going back to constntly chasing the dts and tidying up after them. It would be easier to move everything but I'm not going to.

[mumfor1sttime]

I agree kelly1978.
I dont want to move everything in my house, as like you I feel that a house also needs adult space. I have baby proofed to an extent - ie covered sockets, moved the bleach etc to top cupboards, removed my tall cactus, and packed away my glass coffee table(this wasnt secure enough for little fingers as it tips when leant on). But I cant put everything behind a screen.
I have followed the tips of moving ds away from the dvd, after saying 'no, that isnt for you to touch' and distracting him with toys.
His new found item is a pot plant in the hall, he ate a handful of soil this morning....
saker, I love the bag idea, will try this!

[highlander]

PMSl Kelly - if I say 'that's mummy's/daddy's' to DS he's drawn to the object like a magnet

[Kelly1978]

Oh, I agree entirely, I jsut think 'No' works best before they are too young to learn anything else. It's short and quick, and essential for later on. When they are walking and running around I can stop them instantly with a firm no, which is safer for them.
Once they got older I've said other things, not just no all the time. Particulary, 'that is mummys!' dd and ds are 3 and 5 now, and I try to always explain to them.

[highlander]

Kelly, that's all very well and I do understand your reluctance to try and maintain an adult space, as opposed to turning your home into a nursery. However, it is well documented that children who are restricted with no explanation or self-discovery ('learning from their mistakes') are less able to judge dangerous situations for themsleves as they get older.

I only have one examle at the moment as DS is only 14mo. I like having him in the kitchen but it's obviously hazardous when the oven is on (it's low to the ground). rather than say 'NO' when he's near it, I've let him touch it as it's been warming up, but before it's too hot. I simply said 'Hot Hot Hot!' a few times and he clearly found it unpleasant. I also said the same thing when he touches the radiators. Now, if he gives me his 'I'm going to the oven vibes', I can simply say 'Hot Hot Hot!' and he immediately backs off. I guess that's an easy example - persuading him to draw on paper instaed of the carpet or walls is proving more tricky!!

[Kelly1978]

I'm surprised at all the mums who don't say no to their children. They can learn it early on, as my dt1 understands it at 7 months and dd also learned it early too. Dt2 and ds are another matter, but ds did learn it eventually. It is harder work to begin with but it pays off in the long run.

It's all very well moving everything out of reach, but the house is for adults too! I refuse to turn my entire house into a nursery. I say no, and distract if I don't get a response, and I have never had to move things. By the time they reach about 18 months they've learned they can't have everything they set their beady little eyes on! It really annoys me when friends come round with older toddlers who still have no concept of adults things not to be touched and immediately attack the dvd shelves or ornaments, etc.

The babies have plenty of toys and things to explore and play with. They don't need to stick their grubby fingers in my dvd player as part of their development.

[bobbybob]

Put a tea towel over the DVD player. A 10 month old doesn't have the capacity to learn what "no" means, especially when just spoken.

I said "not for Bob" and moved him away. If he went back to it I covered it or moved it or bought a cabinet for it.

The moving him away thing is really important. After all he is doing heaps of things (crawling, babbling, touching the DVD player, having a wee), even if he understands the word "no", how is he supposed to know what you are saying no to?

We still have the footstool in front of the TV, which detered ds when he was little. Now he could move it, but because it's been off limits for so long he doesn't bother.

[Blu]

I think it is completely pointless to tell small crawlers / toddlers 'no'. Their whole stage of development is about not being deterred. If they were 'contained' by a refusal or a setback, they would never learn to walk! they would be deterred the first time they fell over. So I believe that their 'deterrable' button is switched well and truly off until much later. Distract and keep out of reach.

[sazhig]

ds figured out how to turn the tv on pretty much a soon as he was able to pull himself up & was strong enough to press the button. He very quickly went on to discover that the dvd drawer opened if he pressed the big button then one of the smaller buttons, plus he liked the way the video recorder beeped when he turned it on & off! Our solution - not watching videos & dvds when he was awake & unplugging the machines so they didn't do anything interesting. He soon got bored & started playing with his own toys again!

Have to say though that he is very useful when I am too lazy to turn the tv on!