WWYD sensitive subject

[UnicornPee]

We are due our 3rd an final baby,a girl.
My DH mother died suddenly and unexpectedly this year.
He has told me he wants our babies middle name to be her name. I haven't replied to this and I think he assumes that's fine.
However, here's where I need WWYD opinions.
I wasn't close to his mother. I wasn't a huge fan of her. Obviously I'm sad she died don't get me wrong. But I don't feel that much of a connection to want to give my last child her name as a middle name.
If I go with my gut I am dreading telling my DH.

WWYD?
A) go with what I want and give her my own choice lovely middle name

B) respect my DH wishes and give her the middle name of his late mum

[IDreamOfPeace]

Use your MIL's name. Add a second middle name too if it'll make you feel better but don't deny him this.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Use the name he wants.

[busyrascal]

Two middle names.

[Kel1234]

I would give her the name. As others have said it will be difficult to have a good reason not to. And not many people even use their middle name (I don't have one, but if I did I'd hardly use it)

[HairsprayBabe]

What is the name?

Is it a nice enough name on its own anyway? If so use it, you will only call your daughter by her first name for the vast majority of the time so it won't affect your day to day life.

You could always use a variation or diminutive of the name if it will go better with your DD's first name.

[KlingybunFistelvase]

I'd use it.

My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly a year before we had DD and my DH was the one who suggested we use my mum's name as a MN. Is it my favourite name? No. does it particularly go with our surname or my DD's first name? Again, not really! But it meant a lot to me as well as to other family members that DH was thinking of her, even though they weren't all that close. If your DH wants to use it, I really don't know why you wouldn't. She was his mum after all.

There is such a fixation these days on choosing the prettiest / coolest / most original name. Really, it doesn't matter that much. If it will be hurtful to your DH to not use the name and, as you recognise it is a sensitive subject, then what really is the harm in you not getting to use the name you have decided is prettiest / coolest? Basically, how important is a middle name choice to you compared with how important it is to him to remember his mum in this way? I can't imagine wanting to override my DH's choice in this matter.

This is the second thread on here this week where a mother wants to override their OH on name choices when there is a decent and potentially sensitive reason for the OH's choice. I'm totally baffled by this attitude.

[InstantMom]

Use the name. It's a middle name unlikely to be used often anyway. Fwiw I have a dc with two middle names and it's fine so you could always use two if you really wanted

[Branleuse]

id use the name. Its only a middle name

[AppleCanoe]

You really must use it, it is your husband's child too, and your daughter will appreciate that special family connection to her late grandmother when she is older.

[groovygreenwichgirl]

Of course you have to use it, she is his daughter too!

I would be slightly more empathetic if he wanted it as a first name but I'm really surprised you're considering going against his wishes for a middle name.

[WordGetsAround]

Of course you should use her name. You'd have to veto it if your DH wants to use it. Why would you do that?

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Could you tell us the name OP.
Maybe there is a very pretty shortening of it.

[TobleroneBoo]

Even if MILname wasn't in the question, it shouldn't be " go with the name I want" it should be a joint decision

It is asking literally nothing of you

[CharliePurple]

Use the name, it's the kindest thing to do for your husband and your daughter will grow up knowing she has a connection to the grandmother that she wasn't able to see. Your daughter isn't just your baby.

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I hope it's just clumsy wording as you make it sound like this is your call. It's not, it's a joint decision.

Unless your MIL was an awful person who made your life an absolute misery then use the middle name.

For your DD as well it will be nice to have middle name with meaning rather than just one which sounds lovely. Middle names are never used in day-to-day life so the symbolism is far more important than whether you like the name or not.

Two middle names is a perfectly good option if there is a name you are keen on.

[PoldarksBreeches]

Blimey. I'm shocked that you would even think about refusing to do this. You pick the first name and his mum's is the middle name. To insist on choosing your own middle name instead would be extremely cruel.

[ExitPursuedBySpartacus]

You'll be someone's MIL one day.

If you're lucky.

[blinkineckmum]

Isn't this exactly what middle names are for? Use it.

[rainbow99]

I would use it as a second middle name

[Lollollollol]

I'd use it. It's just a middle name.

[SpareASquare]

I would absolutely use it.
Was not at all fond of my MIL but know I'd have used the name if I found myself in the same scenario.

[cmxx]

I would use two middle names. Its how SO and I compromised for our future daughters middles. I wanted to use my great-grandmothers name, then he mentioned his mother would love to use the name she was going to give her daughter that she miscarried. He understands it's not her choice, but he wants to make her happy in the same way I want to make mine happy (we're people pleasers, yes!). Turns out the combination is beautiful and I can't wait to have my daughter to use it on her.

I understand as this is your last child you want to give her her own name but it would be quite special for her to share a name with her grandmother, it may make her feel connected to her even though they never met. Also, she's as much your DH's daughter as yours, so you really need to talk about it asap.

[OhTheRoses]

I can't actually believe you are asking op. Your DD is your DH's child, she is one quarter your MIL, who is on half your DH. It's a middle name, negotiate the bigger say over the first name. And never ever mention this again. Just be thrilled.

[SleepyRoo]

I would use the name.

[GinIsIn]

Clearly use the name - nobody uses a middle name anyway so it will mean nothing to most people but everything to your DH. Why should your own choice matter more than his choice - it's his baby too, and I think it would be unkind not to. Can't you use both middle names?