Help me compromise on girls names.

[mrsnec]

I have started a couple of names threads and still have lots of time but circumstances have changed a bit.

I have found out I'm having a girl. Dh reviewed my shortlist and only liked one name on it. Which I wasn't that keen on at the time but it's really growing on me. This is going to sound really silly but I was happy to wait but I had to have a private scan and I got a 4d one without asking for it so now I feel she needs a name because I've seen her face. Anyway the entire family agreed on criteria for a name. A bit retro, not religious, nice meaning and works in greek and English or vague greek connection. That's how I got Melissa.

The inlaws think they have a say and with dh they came up with the following list none of them fit the criteria at all:
Ashley
Jane
Rachel
Emma
Amy

I hate them all! Then we discussed middle names. I want to use my grandmother's name either Yvonne or bonnie. He hates Yvonne and it was suggested we use his grandmothers name too which is Patricia and which is also truly hideous.

Can we use 3 names and make versions of Yvonne and Patricia work with Melissa?

If you consider my taste and theirs are there any other first names we all might like.the vetoed names on my list were things like Jasmine and felicity.

The inlaws have managed to upset me with this every time I've seen them lately and its driving me insane I have tried to nip it in the bud but it's not working so I think dh and I coming to an agreement soon as is the answer. I'm also a bit annoyed as they are backtracking everyone liked Melissa at first but I think they have an issue that I chose it. Sorry for rambling and thanks for reading! I know it's my choice but I'd like to please everyone.

[mrsnec]

That's great Math, I was looking for a way I could make Patricia slightly more palatable! If I have to use it that is! Dh and I know another Patricia who is a client of ours who never pays her bills so she's affectionately known to us as 'trash' so it's hard to lose that association with Patricia!

Think it's more mil I have the issue with but I think she's got the message now although is currently sulking about it!

[mathanxiety]

In case Melissa Eve doesn't fly, how about Melissa Yvonne Patrice?

Melissa Eve is lovely.

Your DM and MIL sound delightful .

[mrsnec]

runner, I did that too. Their Philosophy was nothing that can be shortened followed by the most boring one syllable middle name they could think of in case he didn't like it! Dh actually has a very nice name! We both do and they've dated well.

Thanks to those who approve of the favourite!

A name being grown up or not hadn't actually occurred to me. I know of a Marissa in her 40's. We chose Melissa because it's meaning is significant to us as is the Greek origin despite it being a creature I'm slightly scared of! Marissa is also significant to us too though when I looked it up although the Latin meaning not the Hebrew one!

[soontobeslendergirl]

Melissa is lovely.

I also love Marissa which seems a bit more grown up somehow.

[RunnerHasbeen]

Oh and Melissa Eve is lovely, congratulations.

[RunnerHasbeen]

My stock response for not discussing but not offending was to answer as if we were discussing the process of picking names. So it would go: "have you thought about X.." and I would say, cheerily: "isn't it amazing how trends change, " or "How did you choose your children's names, did you just know when you found the right one?" I may be cowardly but it works better for me if I act like I assume they have backed off and couldn't possibly mean to interfere, than actually confronting them about it.

[PunkAssMoFo]

Melissa Eve is beautiful.

Don't discuss it anymore with anyone but DH. They've had their turn at naming. Hope you can enjoy the rest of the experience & get them to butt out x

[mrsnec]

That's a good suggestion but I think its the y dh has the problem with. Like the idea of throwing everyone else off track but hopefully just telling them we're still deciding will be enough for now and all will be revealed soon it doesn't help that I'm rubbish at keeping secrets!

[Chillycamper]

We told everyone our name choices were Elanor or George.
It wasn't true! Just wanted to get them off our case.

How about Yvie as a middle name? Slightly strange spelling but derived from Yvonne. I love Bonnie too. Middle names hardly ever get used in reality.

[deepbluetr]

I agree not to discuss it.

It's you and OHs choice. Tell no-one of your ideas. Once your baby is born make the announcement. If they don't like it hopefull they will be to polite to say.

[mrsnec]

Exactly, that hasn't occurred to dh I haven't reminded him and im not going to either.

Just realised Abigail has the same issues with the languages. We had also agreed on 2 others names we've scrapped because of the language/pronunciation thing those were Jessica and phoebe. Don't think either of those go with Eve very well.

[MyNameIsSuz]

I like Melissa Eve, and I think Eve is a nice way of honouring your grandmother - it's the first syllable of Yvonne! That would be good enough for me :)

[mrsnec]

I know that now Delphin! It was fun at first and I didn't know where to start but then other people's opinions took over.

Yes mum of 3 that's a good suggestion considering another is highly unlikely anyway dh also hstes the name Patricia we would only have been doing that to please his parents who don't like family names anyway apparently!

I do still love Bonnie too but I also have to consider how it's written and pronounced locally as not in the UK. Bs are pronounced like a p or a v and written with an mn to get the b sound. That's another advantage of Melissa Eve. It's written and said pretty much the same in both languages.

I have a battle on my hands with the mothers. My dm had 3 step dgcs 9 months ago and is a bit of a know it all. I know that irritates mil. But mil doesn't always take much of an interest in any of this anyway. I arranged my private scan so we could go straight round to mils and look at the disc together and they decided to go out then after wed waited for them they just made stupid remarks about it.

[Delphiniumsblue]

It is a huge mistake to get into discussing names with anyone beforehand. Keep to DH and then just announce. If asked say you haven't decided.
Your mother and MIL sound a bit of a nightmare. I would try and rein them in a bit or they will be unbearably competitive once the baby is here.

[Bellyrub1980]

I absolutely love Bonnie. If my DP didn't have a B name, I wouldn't hesitate. For me, the Scottish meaning of the name 'pretty, happy, young' (at least I think that's what it means!) is just lovely!!

Go with Bonnie and maybe a variation on one of the other names.

[Mumof3xox]

Tell dh you are saving Patrica for n ext time

[mrsnec]

And I am nearly 25 weeks. We have started telling people we haven't decided now.

I did tell dh yesterday what if they've got it wrong and she's a boy! I was quite convinced at first!

[mrsnec]

That is good advice. It was me who didn't want anything religious yet Eve is as biblical as you can get, it's grown on me massively, it was a suggestion from here, none of the family know about it and I was shocked when dh says he likes it too.

I would normally not have been so desperate to name her it's only because of that scan being so clear, also I don't want us going through this when she's born and spending weeks without a name.

My dgm was very important to me. I do worry I'll reget it if I don't honour her somehow. But his isn't that important when we announced the pg she said 'oh another great grandchild, well now I've got so many they really aren't a novelty anymore'

My mum and mil are basically in competition as to who can do the most and spend the most. I won't have the big stuff in the house but when my dm was here she insisted on me getting my hospital bag ready so mil is upset as she is convinced I'm putting everything mum has bought me in the house and banishing her stuff to the workshop. Mil refuses to believe the mothcare bags all over the house were full of nipple cream and disposable pants! I actually had to explain to mil that it's different keeping the hospital bag in the house as its things we'll need regardless of whether the baby makes it or not! And she's still not convinced.

Just want someone to say its your pregnancy do things your way but so far nobody has!

[Gennz]

P.S. How far along are you mrsnec? Can you see if you can keep any decision under wraps? I am only 16 weeks, finding out gender in 3 weeks. DH and I have pretty much locked down our top 3 names for each. I am happy to have naming conversations but am not giving anything away (e.g I listen to suggestions and go "hmm yes that's nice" or "no I don't like that").

For several reasons: I don't want to make a final decision on the name until I meet the baby & see what suits it; I don't like the idea of naming a baby in utero, it feels wrong to me; and I don't want to announce a name while pregnantand have everyone go "Oh noooo you can't call it that" ... I figure they are far more likely to bite their tongues if the baby is named and the ink is dry on the birth certificate!

[HopOnMyChooChoo]

'Anyway, the entire family agreed on criteria for a name.'

And therein lies your problem. It's your baby, not theirs. You should NEVER ask for family opinions on your choices unless you want to be hurt, confused, pressurised into compromise, and bullied into changing your mind.

I would just concentrate on you and your DH together agreeing on a first name you both love. If you keep going long enough you'll find one - there really is no hurry. All this pressure to name a baby way in advance of its birth and have everyone 'know' it by name before it's born is completely daft and a bit creepy IMHO.

I thought I knew what to call my son and when he landed in my lap he looked like something else altogether - the name we'd chosen just didn't work for his face :D , so we changed our minds right at the last minute.

Find your first name, with a couple of back ups in case she doesn't look like a Melissa or whatever.

Don't commit to any relatives about naming after your grannies, your mothers or anyone else. Just stop discussing it and tell them to wait and see. If you can find a combination of names that sound nice together and pay homage to granny then all well and good, but don't make it your top priority. Honestly, no-one is going to hold it against you if you don't do it.

[Gennz]

MIL sounds awful. I am having similar issues, but with my aunt who is my mum's sister & my godmother. She is childless and basically looks on us as her children. Keep getting texts from her with the most random (hideous) names and then she gets offended when I text back "NO WAY!!!" or "YUCK!!!" (I figure there's no point sugar coating it... )

[Provencalroseparadox]

Melissa Eve is lovely. Sorry about your MIL. She sounds hard work

[Gennz]

Melissa Eve is nice. I also like the combo of long name/short name.

I don't like any of the IL's names - none are vile but they are all quite beige.

[mrsnec]

Yes Blue, the first name options are:
Melissa
abigail
connie (although I might cross that off as he won't use Constance on the bc and Connie is too much of an nn)

Middle names Eve or Sophia.
So he doesn't like Bonnie but he likes Connie and he likes Eve. Both of those sre enough of a nod to by dgm for me. abigail and Sophia were the only names on his list I liked. I don't want Sophia as a first name as its ridiculously popular round here.

I think Melissa Eve is my favourite.but I am interested in what everyone else thinks. You lot that is not my family!

In laws and parents are far too involved in everything my mil currently isn't speaking to me after being told to back off! It's a nightmare.

[BlueStarsAtNight]

I came on to say Melissa Bonnie Patricia is the nicest of your list, but I see you've moved on - Can you tell us what the new short list is? :)

I'm not sure why your parents/in-laws are so involved in the name at all - definitely best to just not discuss it with them!