Am I depressed or is it just difficult?!

[sausageandbeansx]

Just wanted to get it off my chest really -

I’m just finding having a baby so difficult. I love her so much, she was very much wanted & have anxiety about her coming to harm all the time, but at the same time I do sometimes regret her/think I wasn’t ready to have her when I did/even sometimes resent that I’ve been given quite a ‘high needs’ baby.

My baby is almost 6 months and has always been very demanding, we have been through various avenues wondering if there’s something wrong with her, but it’s very apparent now she’s a bit older that she’s just got a bit of a temper on her and hates being bored. Also the main thing I can’t cope with is naps. She resists sleep SO hard no matter what wake windows we do, she screams so loud when I try and get her to sleep, arches her back, smacks, scratches etc (she never falls asleep on her own but she’ll get very screechy when she’s tired). Then of course she’ll only nap in my arms, and the nap will only be 45 mins max. This is by far the main thing getting me down, scheduling my day around these complete fits of anger when I try and get her to sleep (her screams are SO high. She’s a pretty grumpy baby as she gets tired very quickly and I’m never able to meet friends without her whinging and crying the whole time, but she is happy at baby groups when the focus is all on her. She also hates her pram and HATES the car as in would scream for an entire 30 minute journey without even getting tired. She hates most things, but she does have nice moments where she‘s happy but you never know what you’ll get with her and she can go 0-100 in 5 seconds.

However she does sleep pretty well at night. Usually (more than half the time) sleeps straight through no feeds 6:30pm until 6-7am. I also have tons of support, split things 50/50 with my husband when he’s not working, my mum is amazing and has her pretty often (I’m also studying and doing KIT days so she helps for these) and husbands family live further away but they’re also willing to help if we ask. So you’re probably wondering why do I feel like I’m so hard done by? That’s pretty much the thing I ask myself all the time. I feel like it’s just me, I can’t cope and I constantly feel like everyone around me is judging me for being a terrible mum. Yes, I do everything I’m ‘meant’ to do, but not without constantly complaining and feeling like I want to bang my head against a wall. Whenever I see families with babies now I just think god your life must be shit, because mine is. I just feel like I’m constantly waiting for bed time to clock off, and I feel like I’m so so ungrateful for what I’ve got. I’m not really looking for answers on my baby’s behaviour, she is who she is I think. But I just feel like I need a new perspective because every day I just want to scream!!

[Joannrida]

Sorry you have been feeling low. Having a high needs baby that fights every nap is really tough. I totally get it how you feel judged and inadequate when you have a screaming baby. But you are not a terrible mum and no one is judging you. Have you ever heard of the poisoned parrot metaphor? https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/parrot-metaphor/
You have to try and acknowledge those feelings then tell the parrot to shut up.

[MigGirl]

I to had a high needs baby for my first it was really hard. And while I didn't tick all the boxes for PND and realised a few years later that I probably had postnatal anxiety (which apparently is more common then PND). So it maybe worth looking into this with your HV or GP.

I found this book really useful https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fussy-Baby-Book-William-Sears/dp/0007332149?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&amp%3BdplnkId=cb1e7403-8f32-4baa-bc4f-ccc247db20ad&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
As it helped me feel like it wasn't anything I was doing wrong.

[Quitelikeit]

How old is she? Have you tried a swaddle? Then she will have big problems when trying to hit out!

I’ve had a high needs baby and I can’t tell you that you are blessed that she goes through the night. Mine barely slept and I was sleep deprived for months. I hated my life.

However in time it passed and your issues will too. If it’s any consolation she has spent her teen years making up on all her lost sleep as a baby!

This too shall pass