intrusive thoughts

[beenherebefore9]

I'm a year on from "recovering" from PND & ocd and am now having what I suspect to be another bout of the ocd due to low mood.

i had been doing very well and still taking my medication but no longer under the perinatal team. We've had almost a month of broken sleep, illness (both mt baby and me), teething and it now seems another sleep regression. Up until today I'd say I'd been coping. But today I have been overwhelmed with anxiety, feeling disassociated and then I was hit with barrage of unwanted thoughts. First that I wasn't needed, I don't need to be here, then that the lack of sleep is going to make me lose control and cause harm to my baby. I am not an angry or aggressive person at all, I have never lost my temper with my baby, shouted, even raised my voice. But the thought came that I might hurt her and since then a load of other thoughts have come flooding in and I just can't stop them. I feel scared, uneasy, on edge. Like I am going to become really ill again. Rationally I know I am run down and just exhausted and hormonal but I forgot just how terrifying these thoughts are and what the meaning is behind them. I wish I could switch off from them but this is how I spiralled last time. I kept feeding the thoughts. Surely the lack of sleep can't take this much of an affect on my mental health. I have been in such a good place but I feel so deflated that this is happening again.

any tips on how to cope would be appreciated. I know I am seeking reassurance, I know that isn't the best thing to do but honestly I just feel like I need someone to say that it's gonna be ok because not being able to quiet my brain when it's like this terrifies me

So sorry you are feeling like this after things had improved for you. Please speak to the GP as a matter of urgency on Monday, they can sign post you to support. If the receptionist says no appointments are available, tell them to add you to the duty Drs list as it’s an urgent MH issue.
For now, if you need to speak to someone, contact your local crisis team.

Things will get better.

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

Lack of sleep can absolutely have a huge impact on mental health. Without rest the brain just can't function as it should.
Get in touch with your health care team, contact who ever you can and ask for help and support.
For yourself, prioritise your eating and your rest as much as you can.
And for the negative thought spiral try doing the talk back technique, respond to youe r own thoughts, answer them as if someone you loved said it to you.
So if you think "I can't do this!" What would you tell a freind you loved if they said this to you? You would probably sympathise, empathise and offer reassurance.
Wishing you all the best.

You do need to get medical help as soon as possible. I know how hard it is when you have had one mental breakdown and even the tiniest hint of it returning is very very frightening. This is why you must get some professional objective assessment of your mental state for your sake and that of the baby.

Have you been able to access any Medical help yet @beenherebefore9?