How to stop anxiety?

[Mumofone2023]

I love my dd (4 months old), she is a bubbly sweet girl and I feel lucky to be her mum. We are in a sleep regression and I'm struggling mentally. Since having my girl, my mental health is definitely linked to how much sleep Im getting - bad sleep = worse mental health. My anxiety is really crippling, I can't stop racing thoughts - constantly worried about my girl, highly self aware of my anxious nature but don't know how to stop it. I feel lost in motherhood. I don't have time to care for myself. I had always dreamed of being a mum. I was diagnosed with PCOS and told by my GP I would have problems conceiving so when we fell pregnant it was a relief but also a shock. I had a hard birth, and postpartum recovery, I can barely think about that five day labour, unplanned cesarean, being on the operating table numbed and shaking for two hours because the surgeons had to attend to an emergency, infection, pain etc that followed because I relive it all in that moment.

My aftercare was quite bad because of lack of funding in the area, I had multiple professionals laugh at me when I told them I was struggling with trauma and saying 'welcome to motherhood.' It's all put me off having another baby but my in-laws say I have to have a second in a few years because my daughter will be lonely so I have so much guilt.

I struggled with body image since I was a child which is worse now post pregnancy and birth. I just don't know or recognise myself right now. One moment I'm on cloud nine loving my new life and then I feel so low and I can't put my finger on why. I fixate on small things that go wrong around the house and spiral - I have to psych myself up to the mission it is to leave the house with my baby although I do feel briefly better once I'm back. My spiral is being super self critical, obsessing over my mistakes, feeling worthless. I can't 'switch off'. Is motherhood really like this? Huge highs and lows or is something going on with me? How do I get my mind to stop thinking so much and just live in the present? I want a steady, balanced perspective. I don't want my anxiety to impact my girl.

[SiouxsieSiouxStiletto]

Oh you poor thing. This is not Motherhood, it sounds as though you're ill and I'm not surprised. It sounds as though you've had a traumatic birth followed by no support and some pretty awful comments from HCPs.

There is help out there though, if you know where to look for it.

The first thing I'd do is to call PANDAS Foundation. They are an amazing charity and can hopefully start you on your way to recovery.

Have you heard of the Birth Trauma Association too? They can give you practical information, like how to access your notes and get a debrief to how to access a Counsellor or Therapist who specialises in Birth Trauma.

Have you felt able to tell your DH/DP and your HV how you are feeling too?

[hooplahoop]

Hi- it sounds like it was a really traumatic start for you- but your instincts to reach out for help are the right ones - not the poor aftercare messages you got. Anxiety can be really well managed with therapy, so it will get better . Your local nhs talking therapy service will prioritise new parents - so Google where you live and iapt or talking therapy. You don’t have to go via your GP you can refer yourself. Good luck and take care

[Mumofone2023]

thank you so much for these resources and links and taking the time to share them with me it's really appreciated. My DH knows and is very supportive, he's got a very practical way of thinking and dealing with stress so I wish I could be a bit more like him in that way. I'm a bit worried about telling professionals because there a history of mental illness in my family and if worry they'd be concerned for my DD, when in reality that part is great it's more how I feel in myself that's difficult - I went to a mum group for the first time yesterday and feel less alone which is nice