This is my first pregnancy, not entirely unplanned but I became pregnant significantly faster than I thought I would. Was sure that it would take at least a few months to get pregnant, but it happened straight away.
I’m about 8 weeks now, known since 5. I guess by other people’s standards so far my symptoms have been okay - really nauseaus but it goes on and off, and I’m absolutely shattered. Had abdominal pain for the first week which lead me to have an early scan and everything is fine.
I’m just finding this really hard. I hate being tired all the time. I have severe health phobia which is linked with my OCD, and I wake up every morning dreading that I’m going to be sick. Each minute drags by - the last 3 weeks feel like they’ve lasted 3 years. All I can think about is the dread of getting sick. I have considered not having kids at all because of the phobia, I thought therapy had gotten me to a place where I could cope with it now, but obviously not. I don’t want to leave the house, and when I do I become so exhausted I have to come home. I don’t know how to cope with work - I work somewhere very demanding, if you’re not at 110% then you just can’t keep up. My employers have been really understanding so far, but I can’t keep taking the mick with time off and flexible hours for the next 30-odd weeks.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. I just feel down, and scared of my OCD getting bad again. My thoughts flip between ‘I’m going to be sick’ to ‘I’m terrified of giving birth’ to just feeling nothing at all. Not happy, not excited. Just nothing. My DH has been amazing, doing everything for me, but I can tell my negativity is bringing him down, he’s so excited.
It’s like I want someone to say to me ‘on X date, you will feel fine’, but I know no one can do that. I guess what I’m asking is if anyone else has struggled mentally so early on; maybe if someone else who has OCD has experienced pregnancy and can tell me what they did to stay positive.
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Antenatal/postnatal depression
First pregnancy and OCD
9 replies
Buttercup53 · 30/05/2018 08:28
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