Help - antenatal depression at 37 weeks

[mich161616]

Hi,

This is a really hard thing to write. I feel so ashamed about it all. I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with my 4th and it was very unplanned. I have struggled with feelings of depression throughout the pregnancy but as the due date nears I find that it is becoming nearly impossible to cope. I have been referred to a few people for help but the wait times are all so long. I am so desperately worried that when the baby comes I still won't want him and I will be a terrible mum to him. My husband tries to be supportive but I don't think he really understands. I feel very very alone and would really like to hear if anyone has been through anything similar.
Thanks x

[CharliesSister]

Hi Mich, I hope you're ok, sounds like you're having a difficult time at the moment.
I can say confidently that the fact that you are worried means that you won't be a terrible Mum - you already care, otherwise you'd be apathetic, not concerned. Sometimes love and care is felt as a "negative" emotion (anxiety, worry etc) but its still love. As this baby is your 4th, you already have a wealth of experience behind you so you know you have the skills and qualities to be a mother, you will bond with your baby; don't worry. And the support network that you're exposed to will be more immediately available once you've given birth.
Do you have any RL support (friends, family) who you can speak to?
I'd strongly recommend contacting the Samaritans, these are the kinds of things they are available for. They are absolutely brilliant.
You are not alone, you are not the first person to feel like this.
x