...to think my in-laws are selfish.....

[lumpasmelly]

I am pregnant with DC3 and we asked them if they would mind DS1 and DS2 while we go for our nuchal scan (we need to go into central london for it, so have a 7:30am start and possibly a long wait depending on whether additional testing is needed. I would ask a friend, but no-one has a car big enough to take their own children and 2 of mine (we are new to the area, so still gathering friends). MIL and FIL live 2 hours away, and it would be very easy for them to drive down the night before and take the boys to school/nursery that morning for us. HOWEVER, they have responded to say that they are going to see Oliver that day in London, and are taking the coach down, so this won't be possible as they want to "enjoy the full experience).....I am astounded that they have not offered to forgo the coach trip element of their day out as it would be super easy for them to get into town from where we live, in time for the 2:30 matinee. I wouldn't have any problem finding someone to pick the kids up in the afternoon if we ended up running late so it should be pretty simple. To make matters worse, from the e-mail they sent me, they seem to think that there is a problem with the baby (as I mentioned that we may need to have a CVs, though this is just due to my age) and they STILL said no. Now we are going to have to take my younger son with us which will be a complete nightmare, especially if I do end up having the additional tests. But hey....what more did I expect from a woman who's response to my pregnancy was "oh" and who has already told us that she "won't look after three of them" and who has averaged 2 days of babysitting a year since we have had kids.....grrrr....my parents live overseas, so unfortunately I can't rely on them at short notice. BTW MIL and FIL are retired, so it's not like they haven't spare time!!!Sorry to vent, but I really do dislike her! in fact, i could probably write a book on all the things she has done to annoy me!!! Grrrrrr

[ReneRusso]

Lumpasmelly, you may have got a different set of responses if you had told the whole story to start with, ie your previous m/c due to chromosomal abnormality. People otherwise just wouldn't understand why going for your nuchal scan was such a big deal. However now it is clear. Hope the tests go well and best wishes for your pregnancy.

[ssd]

I had these tests too

dh waited outside with ds while it was being done

don't have any babysitters either and sure don't expect MIL to help out, she never has so why start now

YABU

[diddl]

Hope all goes OK, OP.

Try not to feel too bad at your ILs.

I think a lot of older folk don´t get how stressful these things can be.

Plus, perhaps it´s better that they say no than do it grudgingly so that you might wonder how good care they are actually taking of your children?

[stuffitllllama]

blimey

that really is an aibu by stealth

[SmileyMylee]

I'm glad it is all sorted. For what it is worth I think that your PIL are being unreasonable. Families should help each other out - this wouldn't have interfered with their plans much.

I would have done this for an acquaintance, never mind for my DS/DIL. It wouldn't have inconvenienced me much but would have taken a big worry off someone.

[pointyhat]

I generally feel pleased with myself, ghouls. Annoying habit number 103.

[Feierabend]

Dear me, poor OP. I can't believe what a hard time she was given. I didn't think she was being unreasonable at all. Can you all please think back to when you were last pregnant and how emotional it all is, even without having to worry that something might be wrong with the baby. Jeeeesus. She wasn't asking much at all was she. I can totally understand how upset she was. Glad it's sorted and good luck with the scan.

[GhoulsAreLoud]

Are you feeling pleased with yourself because you changed your name pointyhat?

[pointyhat]

'don't fgs me' -

[GhoulsAreLoud]

Don't fgs me I'm just saying that maybe it's not as straightforward as the OP thinks.

She's not their daughter anyway, is she? Or are we talking about her parents now?

[pointyhat]

fgs, someone wouldn't give up having a drink to help out a stressed pregnant daughter? Heaven help us.

[GhoulsAreLoud]

Maybe they want to go on the coach so that they can have a drink? In which case driving would affect their plans.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

lumpasmelly, I'm glad you're neighbour is helping, and I'm sorry about your previous loss, but wow, talk about a stealth AIBU!

[MovingOutOfBlighty]

Lumpsasmelly, I think you have been very bashed here.
It is exactly the place to vent when you are trying to bite your tongue in other ways.

Personally, I would be gutted that my PILs would rather see some grotty stageschool kids arsing about in a matinee rather than help their close family in a time of need.
And even though it would take my PILs an eternity to ensure there is a white panama hat on the parcel shelf and a tin of travely sweets placed in the glove compartment, I know that they would be here like a shot.
CVS I know is not a nice proceedure but everyone who I know who has had it has come out the other side OK. I am sorry about your last MC and can see why you are so upset about this time.
Best wishes for your PG.

[ladyhelen2]

Glad its sorted lumps. I hope you don't have to have the CVS. I had the procedure and you're right, its not pleasant and to have had the worry of a 2 year old there would not be ideal. I hope it all goes well for you. And the ILs enjoy Oliver. {wink} Maybe you could name your baby Oliver if its a boy just to remind them how helpful they were!

[pointyhat]

I agree with riven.

[pointyhat]

Oh! What a lovely neighbour. Sorted

[pointyhat]

It is frustrating when close family don't try to help you out when you are in a pickle about childcare. I've been there. But I can also understand that they want to enjoy their big day out to see Oliver and it would be much less stressful to take the coach.

Tricky one.

You have to think of alternatives. Either:

a) You pay for extra childcare - do you use any paid childcare just now? And to hang with the cost.
b) Just you go along to the scan and phone your dh with news.

[starwhores]

Brilliant outcome! Good luck with it all. I had nuchals with each of mine, second of which resulted in a CVS... I fully sympathise, the dying to cry but unable to just in case you move the needle is all to shuddery for me.
Rise above it if you can, it's not unusual for people to be more rigid about their plans as they get older. Also pregnancy is a long time ago for your MIL, perhaps she has forgotten how it can feel.

[ErnestTheBavarian]

glad your neighbour has offered to help.
Hope your scan goes ok and you don't need the cvs at all.

[lumpasmelly]

Forgot to mention.....the reason I will probably need the CVS is because of age (39), and also previous miscarriage due to detected chromosomal abnormality. It is recommended that we have it - just haven't fully decided for reasons any of you who have had one would understand. And for the record (as feeling quite attacked here) my MIL has no idea I am beginning to feel this way about her, as I am far too polite and genial to ever let it show, and I would never want to start some sort of feud. Whenever they stay with us (which they do frequently with NO childcare obligations) they are treated like a king and queen - we even give them our bedroom as MIL likes to have an ensuite....I am bottling it all up, and was just looking for a bit of a vent on this site which is usually pretty supportive!!! Oh - and FIL is very nice, but completely henpecked, hence no hard feelings towards him. If it were up to him, I'm sure he would of helped. Anyway - can't believe this post has provoked such a response!!!! It's made for interesting reading!!

[bumpsoon]

Sorry but here a nuchal is a private scan ,that you have very early on in the pregnancy if you choose to .You still get a normal dating scan and a anamoly scan . Is this pregnancy really high risk ,or do you feel as a result of your age ,that you are automatically high risk? as for your PILs well they may or may not be unreasonable ,if your MIL knows you dont like her and that you are often annoyed by her ,maybe she feels why should she mess up her day for you ? Hope it all goes well with the scan though

[tinkerbellesmuse]

Lumpa - glad you've managed to resolve your situation and if anything should change be aware that actually a CVS can be carried out at any time from 9 weeks (I have no idea why they have told you it has to be done in the one week time frame but that is not accurate).

I have had a CVS and whilst the risk is a worry the procedure itself is actually quick and pain free (they numb your bump) so try not to worry.

[freakname]

I'm glad for you lumpa, hope you can relax now and destress.
If it's any help to you, my SIL had to have CVs scan because her nuchal ratio wasn't quite right and I know she was freaking out too. Everything turned out ok in the end and they were even able to tell her the sex of the baby.
Fingers crossed for you hun, hope it all goes well on the day and you come back with good news.x

[lumpasmelly]

Oh well - maybe my expectations of my in-laws are too high. no, I can't change the scan date as the CVS is only carried out on a Wednesday and if I leave it until the week after, then it's too late to carry out the test. Not sure how many of you have had the procedure, but it's not pleasant and involves a 10 inch needle being stuck in your stomach and a risk of miscarriage, hence my desire not to have my two year old there....plus there is sometimes a wait of sometimes up to six hours to have it done once you are there, as everyone sees the same man (ridiculous I know)....anyway, I suppose that out of context I do seem a bit spoiled and demanding, but in the grand scheme of things, we very rarely ask anything of the grandparents and it's not like we were asking them to cancel the show...just be a little bit flexible with how they got there - we would have paid for them to see the show again, if that's what it took!! ....We do a great deal for our PILS, both in terms of our time and also financially so it would be nice if they could traet us in the same way that we treat them. But hey, the next time MIL starts to go on at me to build an annexe for them over our garage for when they downsize, I might take a leaf out of their book in terms of their attitude.....

Thank-you to all that showed some support - luckily my neighbour saw how upset I was about the whole thing and has offered to sort out both kids for the whole day if necessary, so I am now basking in the warmth of neighourly kindness!!!