To refuse to drive dd's friend home, as she lives 5 minutes walk away?

[emsiewill]

Dd1's friend has just been round for the afternoon. She lives literally round the corner, admittedly up a hill, but she's 12 FGS, and not disabled, so is perfectly capable of walking.

When it came time for her to go home, she called her mother to come and fetch her as "I can't walk up the hill in these shoes".

Her mum came to pick her up, but there was a bit of confusion, and by the time dd's friend realised her mum had arrived (waiting in the car out of sight), the mum gave up waiting and left. When she realised what had happened, she drove back again to pick her up.

I now feel mean for not offering to take her home, but really, by the time I've got the car out of the drive, and got to her house, she would be more than halfway there.

I also never offer to pick dd up from their house for the same reason - and it's all downhill from theirs to ours, so even less need for a lift. This means that the friend's mum often ends up driving dd home, again, making me feel as though I'm putting her out.

What would you do? Do I really have to compromise my principles just to avoid social embarrassment?

[CarGirl]

How do dc learn any streetwiseness if they're not allowed to do a 5 min walk on their own?

Is there a dangerous road to cross or something?

[pointydog]

Sounds like the problem is the steep hill. We can all be a bit like that

[emsiewill]

One v small road to cross. I don't think the problem is her not being allowed, I think she doesn't want to walk up the hill.

To my kids I say "you want to go, you walk up the hill".

I guess not everyone is as harsh as me...

[ilovesprouts]

yanbu

[pointydog]

it's ahrdly a sign of harsh parenting.

[OrmIrian]

I'd ditch the shoes if I were her mum. Why saddle a child with shoes that make her incapable of getting about (or running if need be).

[HerBeatitude]

God no yanbu.

Who are these philistines who can't walk 5 minutes?

Steep hill or not, it is pathetic to have the car as your default transport mode when you are able-bodied, 12 and within 5 minutes walk.

[Toffeepopple]

I lived up a steep hill. Walked everywhere. Did me no harm!

[Takver]

Definitely YAnotBU at all. I totally agree with 'you want to go, you walk up the hill'.

And just in defence of parents of onlies, my dd gets the same treatment for anywhere up to about 2 miles away (although since she's only 7 - and has the road sense of a guineapig despite best efforts - I have to walk/cycle with her to any of her friends that are out of our little bit of town).

[Northernlurker]

Dear lord - NO YANBU! This child can't walk up a hill? For five minutes? I'm apalled her mum is pandering to her like that. Far from feeling guilty that you don't do the same I would be inclined to firmly point out to her that YOU are encouraging YOUR child to develop independance and personal fitness and so would she please stop driving her around as well! That should shame her in to getting a grip and making little Miss Silly Shoes grow up a bit.

[5Foot5]

YANBU or the least bit harsh.

There is no earthly reason why an able bodied 12 year old shouldn't walk 5 minute up a hill.

[pointydog]

lol - I don't think that would shame her at all, northern

[Northernlurker]

Oh dear - it would me. Obviously I'm easily shamed - or would be - if I was doing anything so ridiculous!

[emsiewill]

Well I'm glad you all agree with me, I didn't expect to get much disagreement tbh. But can anyone understand why I feel like I'm being put in a difficult position? Or do I just have to ignore the uncomfortable feeling I have that the other mother is cursing me?

[potoftea]

I can understand how uncomfortable this makes you fee; its not about the girls and lifts, it's about feeling the other mother is doing a bigger share of the lifts.

I'd stick to my guns if I were you though. You are in the right, and it's up to the other mother to choose how she does things for her child, but up to you to encourage independence, and fitness in you dd.

I did have this a few years ago when I'd let my dd walk or get the bus home when she started going to town on Saturday afternoons. But her friend's mother told me she felt she couldn't let my dd walk or wait for a bus as she didn't feel it was safe, and insisted on driving both girls home. Then I felt like a dreadful mother, and too lazy to share lifts too. Even my dd was annoyed as she welcomed the trust we'd put in her by allowing her to come home alone.

[HerBeatitude]

I think if the mother was one of these paranoid parents who was scared of allowing her dd to go home alone, then I'd just walk her home.

Although at 12 it's a bit odd, but there's no accounting for people's paranoia.

[raffyandted]

YANBU, but yes, I think todays 'yoof' are quite lazy about walking...at least the girls are. So many are used to being ferried everywhere by car from a young age. My 16 year old neice hates walking to & from friends houses, or anywhere for that matter & my sister seems to be constantly taking her to friends' houses, or to town in the evenings, then getting a phone call at 11 or 12pm asking for lifts home..and she does it.

She is an only child, but don't think this has anything much to do with it. My son is an only child & I won't be doing that when he's 16/17/18. But he's only 3 so who knows....

[raffyandted]

Actually, just realised my message doesn't make sense...no parent would want their teenage daughter to walk home from town at midnight! I suppose I was just trying to illustrate how in my experience older children seem to expect to have a lift whenever and wherever they like.

[Wanderingsheep]

Omg! How steep is the bloody hill? Fgs! No YA definately not BU. I've just walked 45 minutes to my friend's house and then 45 minutes back. Did I ask anyone for a lift? No!

[emsiewill]

Now there's an idea, I could walk her home. Only problem with that is that I have to walk up the flippin' hill then! (just because I want dd to be fit, do I have to practice what I preach?!)

[HerBeatitude]

LOL, see it as an opportunity for exercise rather than a pita imposition.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Oh I foresee life getting fun as my DS gets older... I am carfree and will be remaining so. So other parents will either have to give lifts or put up with their DC using public transport or their feet when they come to visit us.

[funkybuddah]

She's 12, its not at all unreasonable to expect her to walk home, What sort of wimpy useless children are we going to left with if everybody nambypambys their children liek this.