I really sympathise ...... could have written a very similar post about my DP who is about 5 stone overweight and who perpetually whinges about it but does nothing. This is blamed on the fact that as he works long hours he can't go to the gym .... but then walking - at the weekends - is free, and he never does that either. Like yours, mine always goes "large", or "man-size" (WTF !), hoovers up everyone's leftovers at meal times, piles any buffet meal sky high and whilst he says he's happy to eat low-fat healthy stuff then goes and buys large bars of chocolate (200g) which he'll eat of an evening, or have 3 bags of crisps after tea, one after the other.
The thing is he was like this when I first met him 7 years ago BUT one of the first things he said to me was that he hated his stomach (practically all the weight is on his stomach and he looks about 15 months pregnant .... I can't lie and say that I find that physical aspect of him attractive, because I don't) and that he intended to "do something about it" but since then he's done nothing.
Apart from anything "shallow", all this is surely a bloody health risk ? ..... and this is a point I try to drive home (I don't call him fat or greedy, but that's what I think if I'm being honest) but it's always "tomorrow" or the old favourite "no time to go to the gym".
Some of you are probably thinking that I sound unsympathetic and you're right ...... but I feel the way I do as someone who's struggled with her weight most of her adult life and who finally lost 4.5 stone 18 months ago (which I've kept off) and who went from a size 16/18 (it was the 18 that finally kicked me up the arse good an proper) to a size 8/10. Of course it's not easy and I really resent the fact that I'm not (like most people) one of the lucky ones who can eat what they like and not put on weight. But the basic fact is that if you don't burn off what you put it you will get heavier and therefore the choice is eat less calories and/or exercise more. I know that's easier said than done and I can easily eat a big bar of chocolate myself or a huge curry ..... but when I do that, I then rebalance the scales so to speak by eating healthily over the next few days. It's a pain, and I'm not going to pretend I like watching what I eat all the time, especially as I have a real interest in food, ingredients, recipes, cake making and so on, but if I want to stay the size I am now that is what I HAVE to do, pure and simple.
I was overweight after I had my daughter and until April 2007 I'd dieted on and off with varying degrees of success until I found THE diet that finally got me to where I wanted to be. Until then, I'd lose 2 stone or thereabouts and then my lack of willpower would override the desire to be slim and it'd all creep back. I suppose I dieted seriously 4 or 5 times, and got depressed when I didn't succeed ...... but hey, at least I acknowledged I was overweight and actually tried to do something about it - unlike my DP (and yours). The old saying of "if at first you don't succeed, try and try again" is very true ..... and I finally got there. Who knows what the future will bring ? ..... I don't know if I can stay this weight forever, but I do feel very strongly that having worked so hard to get here, I'd be loath to let it go (plus, I wouldn't have anything to wear, and can't afford new clothes, so that's another incentive).
Thing is, I used to moan about being fat but I DID something about it. That's what I can't bear, all the moaning but no trying. That's not going to change a thing is it ? The other thing that really gets me is that after I'd finally lost all the weight I wanted to my DP was full of it, about how great I looked, and how much better I looked "than before". Talk about a backhanded compliment ..... but if he prefers me a lot lighter, does it not occur to him that I might also feel the same ?? Doesn't it ever occur to him that part of losing weight is about being as attractive as you can be for your partner ? That might be a very un-PC thing to say but I'm not going to apologise for it but that was one of the reasons which drove me to lose weight - albeit that the primary one was about looking good for myself, plus I wanted to feel fitter, have a wider choice of clothes, and have more energy.
I don't know what to do about him because as everyone else has rightly identified, like any addiction, the addict has to admit - properly admit - that they have a problem before they can do something about it. Whingeing isn't properly admitting it IMO. I like cooking and have a huge range of healthy alternatives which he probably wouldn't even notice if I didn't tell him, but I can't stop him, as an adult, from "popping out" to Tescos on the pretext we need a loaf and then coming back with 4 custard tarts, of which I'll have 1 (and yes, I am a natural greedy guts and could happily eat 4 myself but you have to ask what's more important, what do you want more, 10 minutes of yummy cake, or being able to wear skinny jeans or whatever). After 7 years, the only thing I can conclude is that my DP simply doesn't WANT to stop indulging himself with food and presumably feels - despite the complaints - that a frankly revolting huge stomach that hangs over his waistband - is an acceptable price to pay for giving in to urges.
After all this time, I honestly feel that the only thing which would kick him into doing something would be some sort of health scare where a doctor said you have GOT to start eating healthily. I almost wish something like that would happen, though obviously a warning as opposed to life and death. Another thing related to this is that he snores appallingly (I could literally kill him and we often sleep apart as a result because I find it impossible to get to sleep) yet over 7 years worth of reasonably frequent visits to the doctor about various niggles, he apparently "forgets" to mention this every single bloody time, despite promising to do so. My gut feeling is that he deliberately doesn't ask because he knows the 1st thing the GP would say is to lose weight (and give up smoking, which is another story) and I therefore feel very angry that his love of stuffing his face at every opportunity is more important when it boils down to it than addressing the issue like an adult.
I don't care if I sound unsympathetic ..... why should I have any sympathy for an adult who whinges about anything but does nothing. I have sympathy in bucketloads for how hard it is to successfully diet - and I have loads of advice and tips I'd be more than happy to share if he wanted me to help him but he has NEVER tried one tiny bit. As for "the gym", I finally lost all my weight purely through rsetricting my calorie intake (note to DP, this doesn't mean eating like a sparrow, it just means eating healthily and indulging yourself sometimes, not all the time) NOT through any form of exercise ..... though admittedly, as the weight came off I found I had more energy and walked more as a result (but we're not talking 10 mile hikes here).
Sorry for the long rant on your post but you're definitely not the only one to feel like this.
(P.S. I am well aware of the danger of keeping "tempting" stuff in the house and therefore I often hide this and ration it out. He definitely doesn't know where it is, or probably even thinks I'm doing it as it's not like I bring stuff out every day, but why should me or the kids be denied a treat now and again ? Yet as I said before, I can't control what he does himself ..... he has a full canteen meal at work, with pudding, coffee and cake on the train home etc. I can't stop that - only he can).
