To be cross with friend re weekend break??

[43Today]

Rather awkward situation has just arisen about this weekend break I'm going on with 3 old friends - today!! Need some advice urgently cos I'll be seeing them all tonight.

Basically we are 4 friends who meet up once a year for a weekend on the south coast, B&B or self catering. We have all had ups and downs since we met but X in particular has had a really shit time in general, but now happier.

Anyway, I made the arrangements and had a bit of a time finding anything at short notice. Found one lovely place but lost it because X didn't get back to me in time to confirm that she liked it, price was right etc. Finally got somewhere, booked it for 3 night break (2 nights only wasn't on offer). Asked the others last week by email if anyone else was planning to stay over Sun night. 2 replied saying no, no response from X. Assumed she had read email and not answered cos sometimes she doesn't!

Anyway, plan was DP was going to come down on Sun lunchtime or pm, girlies would go home mid-pm, he and I would stay over for romantic Sun night - so he booked the Mon am off work.

Just logged in to my emails to find email from X saying how much she's looking forward to weekend and her internet's not been working so she hasn't read any of her messages til now. But she would love her and her DP to stay over sun night and would that be a problem seeing as there's only one double room?? And describing what a romantic evening she's planned with him staring into each other's eyes over a roaring log fire etc etc but if we're there too it'll mean she'll have to change her plans.. and how they don't get the opportunity to spend time away together much etc etc

Am I being unreasonable to be really pissed off with her? I mean, it would have been different if she'd said ' oh we thought we'd stay over too, don't worry we'll have a twin room since you've already arranged it all'. Instead I feel like she's trying to guilt trip me into letting them have a. the double room and b. possibly the whole place to themselves... plus I was looking forward to staring into MY DPs eyes over a roaring log fire etc!!

Grrr - so AIBU and what should I do about it?

[susia]

I'm a coward so I would say 'sorry you didn't get the email earlier. As I didn't hear from you I assumed you werent staying on the Sunday so have arranged for DP to stay on the Sunday. We were planning to have the double room but don't really mind if we have the twin or you do. Maybe we can all stay and have a meal, bottle of wine or something?'

[PuppyMonkey]

Pretend you didn't get HER email. She'll have to have the twin room or lump it.

[mazzystar]

[doesn't actually say that in your op, just that you asked if others were planning to stay]
so she does know.
hmm.
i would assume - if her email was down, that she hadn't scrutinised all the content of the email and give her the benefit of the doubt.
if you are going to be pissed off about it you shouldn't go off to a hotel. i'd do what ddf suggests.
but if she is paying for 3 nights accommodation she may feel well within her rights to stay also.

[43Today]

Oh well - there's always some sort of drama when she's involved with anything..

I'm glad nearly everyone thinks IANBU anyway. Will discuss with DP and see what to do and still have everyone enjoy the weekend..

thanks for input!

[BitOfFun]

I think you know that YANBU. You talk about feeling like a meanie all weekend,and that spoiling things, but the quiet seething and being made to feel a mug will be even worse. This "friend" is being manipulative in the extreme - as you said, she saw the date on the e-mail - why start going on about "looking into each others eyes" etc to you anyway? It is all about cranking up the pressure.

Use the room yourself, be bright and breezy about it as people have said, and shag away to your heart's content! I would be tempted to ask her and her DP to piss off too, if they are going to be in the way of the rug...Get it sorted, just do it!

[themoon66]

Oh just book her into the twin room, but say nothing. She will find out when she gets there.

[43Today]

[Dropdeadfred]

In that case if she has seen all your emails just send one back stating that as you said in your last mail you and dh will be staying there - sorry. You can't of course insist that she doesn't stay in the twin room but hopefully she will get the hint...if not just get your whips and chains out of your suitcase over the weekend and stress how much you are looking forward to sunday night...

[43Today]

But mazzystar she does know! She picked up all her emails and saw the one from last week where I said that since no one else wanted to, we'd stay over - and she would have seen the date and that I had checked etc etc Also, DP and I have only been together a year or so, so of course we were planning marathon shagging on the tumble drier, on fur rug in front of the afore-mentioned roaring log fire, on dining table etc etc

Dropdeadfred hopefully it would make them run for the hills - but you never know and it could be us running instead.

[Spidermama]

Don't give in the the guilt trip. You booked it. She made herself hard to communicate with. Her fault. Don't get angry. Just say no, sorry dh and I have made plans. Then move on.

The conflict comes as you consider whether to give in to the emotional blackmail she appears to be indulging in. Just treat her like a child. You're the adult in this situation. Say no. Sympathetically, then try to have a great time afterwards.

[Dropdeadfred]

tell her they are welcome and that you and your dh are swingers..the more the merrier

[43Today]

Yep floury baps I rather suspect that's what we'll end up doing.. we can afford it after all.

But it won't give me a warm glow at all -
just make me angry with her and though I won't let it spoil the weekend, I know I'll be less sympathetic to all the shit she goes through..

I HATE being manipulated!!!

[mazzystar]

YABU
She doesn't know that you and DH will be there.
Just email her and say DH has already planned to come along for Sunday night.
It is possible to be romantic in company, unless you were all planning marathon shagging on the tumble drier, it shouldn't be too much of a problem
Toss a coin for the double bed.

[PinkyDinkyDooToo]

Agree with UNItubers post. Tell her she is welcome to the twin room, and put up with the fact that your roaring fire etc. ain't gonna happen.

[flourybaps]

something wrong with my y's!

[flourybaps]

Yanbu sound like she is being bit manipulative tbh.

Just to play devils advocate though, if its true shes been having a hard time and she is skint couldnt you just let her have the room? Can you afford to book hotel for you and dh? I know you shouldnt have to and your in the right etc etc but if she is your friend and ou can afford it, might be nice thing to do and then you and dh can have a lovely time and oull feel all glowy that youve done a nice thing for your friend........

[LazyLinePainterJane]

Just keep the reply casual and say "sorry, when you didn't reply I made other arrangements, no hard feelings"

Dont make it into a big deal, let her know if she creates a fuss that she should have got back sooner.

[themoon66]

Just say 'I'm sorry your internet wasn't working and you couldn't get back to me'. Unfortunately the hotel were pushing me to make a decision or let the room go to someone else.

[Dropdeadfred]

Yup..tell her that arrangements have now ben made - sorry. End of story. she and her dp could have arranged a hotel for sun night if they wanted a 'romantic' night....
even if you said yes you can have the double we wil have the twin room it would still be a bit embarrassing having a very non private 'romantic' night surely???

[43Today]

Yes that's what I would do in an ideal world if I wasn't cowardly.. Whichever way it pans out, it'll be awkward, cos we'll be spending the weekend together with me feeling like a meany.. plus I can't forbid her to stay over on Sun which means my romantic plans will be spoiled too!!

She's not well off and said that they can't afford a holiday together this year, or to pay for a 3 night break without using one of the nights..

I have to say, that although she's had a hard time I have always found her rather manipulative and I think she's trying to work her wiles on me.

Maybe me and DP should just book into another place for Sunday night and leave her to it?

[WorzselMummage]

Just say because she didnt get back to you you've had the room for yourself

[Beetroot]

just send an email saying that as you had not heard form hr you had assmumed she was not staying and you have already made plans

[TheUNITUBER]

Sorry, am a bit blurry today and didn't read your post properly. So she does know that you and your DH are going to be there. In which case just tell her she and her DH are welcome to stay but that the double room is booked. Tell her it's the perk of organising everything.

[Hassled]

Agree entirely - it's not your fault, and it shouldn't be your problem that X's internet hasn't been working. She presumably knew the weekend was happening and the telephone has actually been invented - she should have called you to confirm the details. Just tell her that as you hadn't heard from her, your DH has already booked Monday off. Don't back down - you've had a job to find anywhere, have done all teh organising and have earned that extra night.

[TheUNITUBER]

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

It's ok to be pissed off with her because she is messing you about with her disorganisation. But it is not fair to be annoyed about her making alternative plans for the double bed unless she was aware of your plans with your DH.

Have you tried responding to let her know that because she didn't reply that room has already been booked? That's what I would do.