We had another stupid argument today over dd. It was a normal day I suppose, we went to the supermarket. Dd and I were hungry so were all going to get a sandwich in the town. Dd had a large book to lean her sheet of paper on and was drawing in the car. When we got her out, mum asked her to leave the book behind. Dd then threw a strop. So I calmed her down. Dd then wanted her furry coat out of the boot. It was blazing hot and I knew within 2 minutes she would take it off and I would be carrying it around. No big deal but I told her to leave it in the car as we didn't need it. Another huge strop which would have lasted about 30 seconds. I could have distracted her, it would have been fine, but no.
Mum starts flapping and says to me in a pained, dramatic voice "Oh I dont need this, just let her have the bloody coat" throwing me a filthy look, and goes to the boot to get it. At this point im inwardly losing my temper and dont want an argument. I calmly say im going home. I lean into the car to undo dd's seatbelt. Mum leans in, grabs the seatbelt and dd's arm and wont let go. I asked her politely but firmly to take her hands off my child. I get dd out of the car seat to walk home with her and mum grabs dd's arm, pulling her in the other direction.
At this point im fuming. Mum follows me for a while then goes back around to the car and phones me sobbing and asking why im doing this to her.
The history to this. My mum is completely over the top with my kids, especially dd. Dd has always been difficult and ive found it hard to cope with her temper tantrums. She has beaten me black and blue before now. I am trying my best to sort these tantrums out but mum's constant interference doesn't help.
Anything dd wants, dd gets. She demands a sweet, mum gets her one. Dd screams it isnt the right colour, mum goes off to buy something different. That's wrong too so mum will go and get some more. Every day before nursery dd wants nanny to pick her up and carry her across the road. Mum has weak joints and a bad back, she'll ask dd if she can walk, dd screams. Nan will pick her up anyway. So far mum has picked up dd when she already had a back injury and left herself in agony, picked dd up and twisted her ankle, nearly falling over. Picked dd up and her back gave way, they nearly fell over again.
Why stand there and let her do it I hear you say? I try, but mum will physically pull dd from my arms and scream at me that im cruel, she doesnt care who sees it either.
I can control dd's tempers if im allowed to but when we're with mum she just gives in straight away. Im left feeling like a rubbish mother (im cruel), a rubbish daughter (for making nanny carry the four year old).
I have tried to explain to mum that if she keeps giving in to dd it will not help anything but she always turns it somehow. Then when we're home I have a dd who if she can't get her own way, will scream that she's going to live with nanny, which of course makes me feel awful. Before now, dd has actually packed a bag and tried to walk to nans house because I wouldn't let her have chocolate before our meal.
Why cant mum back off and support me? Is that too much to ask? Even if she doesn't agree with my parenting she could still say nothing and pull me up on it later. No she has to argue with me in public and make me look like a fool whilst encouraging dd to misbehave.
She's done this before with ds when he was about 5. We were on holiday and went to the family entertainment pub in the middle of the holiday park. There were two young girls singing and ds put his hands over his ears as we went in. Mum was convinced ds was frightened to death, I assured her he wasn't and he would be fine in 5 mins when he saw the little girls having fun singing. She screamed at me in front of the other families that I was cruel. So I quietly said I was going back to the caravan with ds. She grabbed hold of him and physically would not let him go. Her partner looked embarrassed and asked her quietly to not make a scene and just let us leave (I would have taken ds to the park on the site for a while). She was having none of it, held on tight to him. I had to leave him with her because I was not about to have a physical tug of war.
Its tough trying to bring up two kids on my own, im trying my best but mum is not helping and I get irrationally angry with her. Then she cries and says im cruel, to her and my kids.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To think a tiny bit of support from my mum would be nice?
30 replies
ShyBaby · 02/08/2008 20:05
OP posts:
TheHedgeWitch ·
02/08/2008 23:10
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.