to send this email to my DH?

[marmadukescarlet]

My DH called earlier with the hump that I don't care about him being away/miss him/love him as I haven't emailed him etc. He is in USA (which he is for 2/6 weeks and I spoke to him at 7pm and 9.30 pmish last night - him calling here.

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Hi,

I know you are irritated, if not a little paranoid, that I haven't emailed or phoned you since yesterday. What do you want me to say? The truth?

The truth is I feel stressed and exhausted, I cried twice yesterday in public once in a shop where a woman was being unkind about DS (who has SN) she didn't realise I'd walked back into the shop and again when I didn't notice that the sandwiches behind the tuna melt sign in coffe shop were something else and DS went bananas when his lunch arrived and he couldn't eat the spicy chicken and veg one. He screamed and everyone stared and I had to leave my lunch and coffee there and go somewhere else, with him still screaming to find him an alternative.

I feel unsupported and alone. I can't sleep due to the statementing/school worry.

Well, that was my day...has it made you feel better to know all about it (when being in the USA mean he can do nothing to help) or should I have, as I decided initially, kept it to myself.

[HereComeTheGirls]

Hmm..personally I would word it differently - tell him about your day, say why you didn't call ad tell him, and say of course you are missing him, if you are..otherwise it seems a bit like you are attacking him for YOU having a bad day, I think, and it would be much better to have him supporting you rather than falling out with him..YAB a tiny bit unreasonable, as I think the wording of that email sort of gives HIM a hard time because YOU had a bad day. Just my humble opinion though, of course I don't know anything about your situation!!

[HereComeTheGirls]

yes, I agree with hanaflower totally!

[bubblagirl]

my dp works away alot and i used to take my stresses out on him but dont like him taking his stress of work out on me

he isnt enjoying being away he feels guilty about being away hense the worrying so would be really un fair to then make it look as though you are blaming him in some way

tell him you miss him you appreciate what he does you had really bad day and are missing his support and keep things nice

he is probably having alot of stress at work as well as missing you knowing you are worrying in which he probably is too and feels so far away to help you

[marmadukescarlet]

You are both right of course, just feeling sorry for myself.

He isn't a very supportive or hands on parent and leaves everything to me - well apart from he earns 99.5% on the income for our family and I do everything else as I only work 10 hours per week.

Every now and again (when I'm at breaking point) I remind him of this and he seems all very surprised that, as Supermum, I am not able to manage. He loads the dishwasher for a few days and then that is it.

I cannot be supermum and still have the energy to be a superloving and devoted wife 100% of the time.

[HereComeTheGirls]

Maybe you can tell him again in your email that you would appreciate a bit more help when he gets back, as you are not as much of a supermum as he thinks and find things difficult..but word it in a confiding sort of way and NOT an attacking one!

[HereComeTheGirls]

BTW I only work 9 hours a week but my DH helps a LOT in the house and with my DD, so you are not being unreasonable to expect help!

[HereComeTheGirls]

BTW I only work 9 hours a week but my DH helps a LOT in the house and with my DD, so you are not being unreasonable to expect help!

[HereComeTheGirls]

oops

[duchesse]

I think it's fair perspective adjustment for him actually. It is also completely truthful, which surely he cannot fail to appreciate?

He feels that everyone carries on as before, and that he's the one having to go away, but maybe he doesn't realise how supportive his mere presence is?

[marmadukescarlet]

Thank you duchesse, I think the thing I was mainly narked about was the 'poor me, you don't love me' attitude and (despite this post) that sort of manipulating self-pity gets my goat.

He runs and owns this business, he chose to open offices in USA, Aus and Singapore. The change to lifestyle is not that we are now rolling in it (as they are all under 5 yrs old, some only 1) but that he is away lots and tired when he is home. At the weekends he gets up 2-3 hours later than me and children and then feels hard done by if he's not 'allowed' an afternoon nap.

I know I've made a rod for my own back, he's been a spoilt Mummy's boy all his life and I pander to him still - it is easier than all the rows and walking on eggshells when I know full well that I will end up doing everything anyway, so it is easier just to get on with it!

[chamaeleon]

if he was really narky with you - send it.

if you think he is genuinely upset and missing you and it came out worded the wrong way - do what everyone else said.

from your last post i would say send it.

my dh also has no idea what i do and i dont think it would harm them to find out.