DH thinks he has autism / ADHD

[AppelationStation]

And so does his entire family.

As in they all think they have autism, not they all think DH has (which they also do).

No shade on autism or ADHD. No shade on adult diagnosis. But...

DH said this morning, ver batum, "When you're an eccentric character the world is quite confusing".

DHs family are quite eccentric. They're very middle class (read: posh). They had a very particular, rural, 'out of the mainstream' upbringing. They had lots of money and advantage and behind them and they've all done quite well for themselves (DH has decided earning money is secondary to his interests so we are skint. That's another thread.). Now they've all decided they are neuro diverse.

Maybe they are all autistic. That would be fine. None of them have pursued a proper diagnosis, because none of the really need to. It feels self indulgent.

I've had a mental health diagnosis since I was 13. It's really detrimentally affected my life. I missed years of school, involvement with CAMHS (eventually), found myself in abusive relationships, had therapy as an adult to figure things out and be mostly ok at 35.

I know undiagnosed ADHD in adults is a real problem. When the family discuss it there's no acknowledgement that they're all fine -they just find people not like them hard to deal with.

DH was talking about it again this morning. He said I didn't understand how hard life was for him . I know it's not a competition, bit I don't think he and his family know what real hardship and mental health problems look like.

AIBU?

So you acknowledge it’s not a competition but you seem to be making it into one? 🤔

Autism has a genetic factor so it’s possible they all have it, and people with autism tend to struggle with things others can find easy. Their struggles can be masked.

Autistic people are autistic with or without diagnosis.

We’re financially very comfortable. It helps with certain things but many of my daughters autism difficulties aren’t helped by our lifestyle.

I’m not really sure what you’re after here.

What do you want from this thread exactly?

I wonder if you’ve married into my extended family 😂 if so, they’re probably right. Money, I think, can mask a lot of ND issues - no need to hold down a job or budget or do anything that might challenge you if you don’t want to.

(And I’m not suggesting that ND people can’t, or don’t, do all those things, or that ND problems are limited to them. Just that if you have enough money not to need to do them, you might not ever need to seek a diagnosis. I’m aware this is badly articulated!)

I've read your OP twice and I'm not sure what your problem is?

I think I get what you're saying. One of my in-laws is quite outspoken with his beliefs. To the point of almost rudeness, women's place in society etc. He doesn't have a filter. So loads of his relatives have decided he's autistic. Which he could well be for all I know. But I feel what they're basing it on is a bit light to say the least.

Are you saying you don't think they're autistic?

For the love of christ autism does not "have a genetic factor". There is no single test or description, no evidence its biological or physiological.

They sound entitled, removed from reality and set in their ways OP. You don't have to indulge it, life goes on with or without autism or whatever else they might self diagnose.

For the love of christ autism does not "have a genetic factor". There is no single test or description, no evidence its biological or physiological.

You sound very certain about this. There is evidence that autism runs in families so PP is not necessary wrong.

I think I get what you’re trying to say. Almost as though as more awareness has been spread about adult ADHD it’s become “fashionable” and some people have been self diagnosing it as a “badge of honour”?

I have a diagnosed MH condition too. About 6-7 years ago there was a huge awareness campaign and suddenly loads of people were talking about it (great) and self diagnosing. Everyone I had spoken with to that point (and was diagnosed) had similar, fairly severe, symptoms and experiences but then the support groups became flooded with people who were self diagnosed and, kindly, didn’t. I know peoples experience of any condition will be unique to them but I wasn’t convinced. I should say that there are two “sister” conditions and one is more severe than the other almost like what a migraine is to a headache. I stopped going because it was no longer helpful. ETA I also became embarrassed to talk about it because the most vocal people were the ones self diagnosing with mild symptoms.

Is this how you feel OP? I think I’d say “you do you and let them be them” but I appreciate its hard when it’s family.

Except studies would disagree with you.

https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-causes-autism

Autism often runs in families. Having family members with it is noted during diagnosis. I have it and so do all my children.