I dont know if people without adhd realise how stressful slacking can be. How your anxiety ramps up as you can see whatever deadline you have is quickly approaching but you are still not able to do whatever it is you have to do.
I have been so so stressed for months. I am close to not coping anymore. I was really looking forward to a bit of a break over Easter but I have now been asked by work for a deliverable that I should have done long ago. So as always this means working nights and stressing just to then deliver a shoddy job. Because no matter how many nights I work there isn't enough time to do a job that I had months to do but didn't. And I don't want to work nights. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep.
I am so tired of letting people down. At work, my family, my friends. This year has been insane in how badly I've let people down. People who really needed me. I can't even imagine how tired they must be of being letting down by me though I'm pretty good at hiding it. I'm good at winging it and pretending I'm doing what I'm meant to do. Till I can't hide anymore or have run out of excuses and everything comes crashing down.
I hate it. I hate myself for it. The guilt is overwhelming as is the feeling of not again. How did I mess up again when I promised myself I wouldn't do this again?
I'm medicated. I hate the medication but I still take it. It makes me feel like crap but it doesn't help.
Anyone wants to join my pity party?
AIBU?
Adhd - can anyone relate to the self loathing and anxiety?
LivingOnAPill · 28/03/2024 19:05
Am I being unreasonable?
26 votes. Final results.
POLLtheduchessofspork · 28/03/2024 19:56
All sympathy, it’s a horrible thing to live with I know. I so relate to having to work to make up for lost time when you are already exhausted from working inefficiently.
Not wishing to minimalise but I’d suspect you don’t let people down quite as much as your post suggests?
Is there any way you could afford to see a coach? I think an outside perspective can really help with small ways to start, and also to point out when the impact on other people might not be so bad to other people as you think.
I have also wondered about having an ADHD support thread on here, I started a thread on ADHD a couple months back and it got lots of interest. ADHDers aren’t exactly know for consistency so I don’t know how well it might last, but if there were a few of us..
Sprinkles211 · 28/03/2024 23:43
This is me to a t, sometimes I lay in bed pretty happy I achieved my list brush my teeth, get dressed into clean clothing, ate a balanced meal then the self loathing sets in pretty quickly and I feel totally stupid and ashamed of thinking that the BASIC functioning of *normal people for a day is an achievement, I also hate that I go to bed every night overthinking about everything I want to do and achieve and making grand plans to do it, waking in the morning with actual enthusiasm and excitement that today's the day and it slowly gets sucked away until I'm burned out by 2pm and still have a million things to do for other people and it's 8pm before I realise I've not brushed my fucking teeth again.
LivingOnAPill · 29/03/2024 02:32
Doing the basic minimum on some days is an achievement and considering how much we beat ourselves up I think it's great if you can find something to give yourself credit for.
Your post also kind of hits home how I'm not achieving the basic minimum. All I've eaten today is crap. And I ate all my kids' easter chocolates and I've got no idea how to fit in time to buy more before Sunday. But I will. At the cost of something else. And I haven't brushed my teeth in the evening.
My psychiatrist has prescribed me an anti depressant to help with feeling flat on my stimulant. I really, really don't want to take it but I think I will start tomorrow. I mean I really don't know what else I can do. Maybe it will help somehow. And I am freaking depressed.
Sprinkles211 · 28/03/2024 23:43
This is me to a t, sometimes I lay in bed pretty happy I achieved my list brush my teeth, get dressed into clean clothing, ate a balanced meal then the self loathing sets in pretty quickly and I feel totally stupid and ashamed of thinking that the BASIC functioning of *normal people for a day is an achievement, I also hate that I go to bed every night overthinking about everything I want to do and achieve and making grand plans to do it, waking in the morning with actual enthusiasm and excitement that today's the day and it slowly gets sucked away until I'm burned out by 2pm and still have a million things to do for other people and it's 8pm before I realise I've not brushed my fucking teeth again.
LivingOnAPill · 28/03/2024 19:05
I dont know if people without adhd realise how stressful slacking can be. How your anxiety ramps up as you can see whatever deadline you have is quickly approaching but you are still not able to do whatever it is you have to do.
I have been so so stressed for months. I am close to not coping anymore. I was really looking forward to a bit of a break over Easter but I have now been asked by work for a deliverable that I should have done long ago. So as always this means working nights and stressing just to then deliver a shoddy job. Because no matter how many nights I work there isn't enough time to do a job that I had months to do but didn't. And I don't want to work nights. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep.
I am so tired of letting people down. At work, my family, my friends. This year has been insane in how badly I've let people down. People who really needed me. I can't even imagine how tired they must be of being letting down by me though I'm pretty good at hiding it. I'm good at winging it and pretending I'm doing what I'm meant to do. Till I can't hide anymore or have run out of excuses and everything comes crashing down.
I hate it. I hate myself for it. The guilt is overwhelming as is the feeling of not again. How did I mess up again when I promised myself I wouldn't do this again?
I'm medicated. I hate the medication but I still take it. It makes me feel like crap but it doesn't help.
Anyone wants to join my pity party?
OriginalUsername2 · 29/03/2024 15:47
I completely relate.
My brain doesn’t hold onto information and won’t cooperate with me at all. I’m forever the naughty child who didn’t do what they were supposed to do.
Daftasabroom · 29/03/2024 16:53
Every school report, every Uni assessment, every professional review....... "could do better if tried"
It seems I disappoint everyone.
OriginalUsername2 · 29/03/2024 15:47
I completely relate.
My brain doesn’t hold onto information and won’t cooperate with me at all. I’m forever the naughty child who didn’t do what they were supposed to do.
AnotherNew01 · 30/03/2024 12:48
I'm reading this as DS has ADHD. Lack of organisational skills is becoming a problem. School tasks that are to be completed over the term are an anathema to him.
Has anyone used an app suitable for school children?
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.