Is this mum completely taking the piss

[iMum]

My ds best friend at school is a sweet little boy, his mum is nice enough to i thought anyway.....

My ds doesnt really get asked to play over due I think to the fact that we live in a rough part of town in not very salubrious surroundings and going to a private school means children there (or mostly the mums) are used to better things. I know my son is popular, the teachers are very happy with him and describe him as kind and one of the "popular children" so i know its not behaviour (also he has pleanty of friends outside of school who invite him round and ive never had any complaints from them) the issue could be that he is vegetarian.
Anyway this easter I went up to this mum and made a point of asking her ds round to play and also said "if I have ... over then perhaps next time ... can come to you" anyway
She said ohh lovey could you have him from xyz time to xyz time (6 hours long!) so I umed and ahed and said that perhaps that would be a bit long, she said leave it with me, anyway she just phoned me and said right I will bring ... over in 10 mins and pick him up at .. (5 hours )
AIBU, is this a bit cheeky-i think its too long, I also think that phoning up 10 mins before she brings her ds over to me doesnt give me any opportunity to say otherwie.
I just feel like she is using me as free childminding (as i have just registered) and I cant say no as then the boys will be dissapointed.
Anyway reading it back it does seem a bit unreasonable for me to feel unreasonable but i dont know-I spose there is more to it, like the numerous times gone by where I have tken her ds out to play parks ect-favour never returned. and really when she does have my ds (rarely) it is for such a short time maybe 2 hours.

Dont flame, probs amm just being hypersensitive today and dont like to feel like a mug being taken for a ride-which I know is true, i can just never say no, and in any case I so want my ds to go to his friends house to play.... I have in the past mentioned to a few mums that is there a problem with my ds and they all say no but then nothing.

[cupsoftea]

also if any parents look down their nose at your house - then have nothing to do with them - don't waste your time on stupid people.

[cupsoftea]

yanbu - if the child is playing at your house you set the times - 5 hrs with 5mins notice!! - what a cheek

[captainmummy]

Anyway, to be more helpful, I agree that I would say 'oh can you pick up at x o'clock as I am going out' or even just say ' I will drop him off at x, when I drop off the paying ones.' I often offer to drop playdates back, as I find it easier to get them out of the house, otherwise the Mum will come over and stand there going (weedy voice) 'come on darling. Come on darling' while 'darling' is starting another computer game for 30 minutes. I just hustle them out the door, finished or not.

LOL.

[captainmummy]

iMum - it does sound as if you are being taken for a ride here, as everyone else has said! I used to live next door to a girl whose ds was best friends with ds2, and her other dc were the same ages as mine. Anyway, her ds was at my house more than at his, i think. I also got asked to babysit/pick up/walk to and from school/ look after all the time, but if I asked her to babysit, i got the equivalent of 'oh I'm washing my hair that day'. . In the end another neighbour moved in the other side and she turned her grasping skill on them instead, as they had other things she could use (like computer skills, car mending, that sort of thing).

[SlartyBartFast]

some people are users
and some people are used. i think.

[blueshoes]

iMum, if she is just a 5 min away and could not be bothered to help you out at such small inconvenience to herself, she is taking advantage of you. Cheeky mare. YANBU

[iMum]

Blue, I see your point-My ds does have long playdates with his out of school friends that are reciprocated but this little boys (who ive got today_) lives round the corner (in the posh area-speperated by about a 5 min drive) I do remember one day after i had had ds2 and I phoned her in a panjice as Id forgotten about school pickup-could she bring ds back for me-her reply " back where "
me "could you bring him home on your way please"
her "its not on thw way tho is it"
me "not directly, but only 5 mins out of your way" and really in the same dircetion just via a different road
her 'oh, well......."
me " never mind, Im coming now"

I dunno you know when you are helpful to people and you never need their help back-then one day you do and they cant be bothered-not even they cant do it for some reason, they just cant be arsed, it always gets you in the guts.

but I digress....

[pukka]

this woman is taking the piss

[blueshoes]

iMum, first off, that is too short notice for such a long playdate, so you are not being unreasonable to not do it (how many negatives can I fit in one line).

The only point I wanted to make was I like long playdates and am happy to reciprocate on a similar basis, especially if the family live a long way off.

Who wants to drop their dcs off in a long drive (assuming it is pre-arranged in advance) and do a long drive just 2 hours later? It is neither here nor there. You end up most of the time on the road or just lurking in the vicinity, either way, your whole morning or afternoon is f_ked.

I suspect there is a also a slight difference in expectation between WOHMs and SAHMs about playdates - hope I am right. The afterschool playdate is by necessity short. But WOHMs have less opportunity for that because they can reciprocate on the weekday. WOHM playdates tend to be on weekends and school hols which can be longer. After children are of a certain age, they just go off with each other - easy as pie. My dd would be bereft if her friend left after 2 hours, as opposed to 5.

Just my 2 cents' worth.

[iMum]

Kew, not naive-but it is a reality. We are very much below the par at our school-all mercs and jags there (apart from my old banger) but what can you do?

[iMum]

I appreciate all your comment ladies.

Obviously it is my fault, should never have agreed to it-and in reality dont hav a problem with this little boy plying here for 5 hours-I have my ds other friends over for that length and longer but then their mums are slways so nice and considerate when arranging such things, and always always repay the favour, which sweetens the deal somewhat.

I Think really I am upset for ds who would love to go and play at his school friends houses but never gets an invite, despite much inviting of children back here. No Im a grown up and understand that you dont have kiddies round to play just so you can foist yours off in return but my ds is only 6 and doesnt understand that x y z school friends dont invite him over to play even though they invite other school friends.

I also dont like the way this mum went about this play date, and I really feel Ive been used for free childcare. I would have liked her to say Can you have .. from this time, I wont be able to collect him until this time but could get xyz person to pick him up? to which im sure (if in a good moo) i would have said no problem, i'll hold onto him until you are ready, the fact that this mum phones me at 9 in the morning to say I'll be round in 10 mins i find a bit cheeky, i wasnt even dressed!

[Kewcumber]

or am I naive? Does everyone else accept that its normal?

[MadameCh0let]

five hours!! OH my God. Invoice her for two of them!

[windygalestoday]

the thing is you have your excuse right in front of you ready for the next time ....as you are now a childminder you cannot have extended playdates as the children in your care are recorded nd 'free' playdate takes up space of paying mindee i think shes having a laugh but enjoy today and maybe when the other mums now he comes to yours for xtended periods they will be happy to let there ds play too?

[Kewcumber]

I find it really really sad that kids might not be allowed to play with their friends becasue of where they live.

[maisemor]

Do you not have her mobile, so you could call her when you have had enough and ask her to collect her child?

I really hope I am not coming across as attacking you here. I can see that you are not happy with the situation and that you are looking for a solution.

However, if you are not happy with the arrangement as is, then you have to be strong and tell her no. And if you can't say "no" then do the whole, take them for as long as you want and then call her and tell her to collect her child.

Hope you get it sorted so that both you, your son and his friend is happy.

[maisemor]

I did have the same problem with one of my daughter's friend's mother. She obviously had a problem with where we lived. My daughter constantly asked when they could play together.

In the end I said to her that we would ask the mother face to face together. She came up with excuse after excuse and when she said yes she cancelled at the last minute with all sorts of ridiculous reasons.

At least my daughter could see that it was not me who was preventing them playing together, be it at our place or theirs, but the other mother.

[Ineedacleaner]

I think 5 hours is taking the piss big time, fair enough if she said give me a call when he is ready to come home and it turned out they were happy in each others company for 5 hours but to pre-arrange that length of time is rude.
I don't think about people owing me playdates tbh. I have friends in different situations to me and know that some find it easier to host playdates than others I am happy for the children to all be here playing I am juts happy that dd has her friends to play in the same token there are one or 2 houses that dd goes to far more regularly than they come here.

[Twiglett]

won't they just run off and play though?

so 5 hours of not having to entertain?

and next playdate you assume she's having him for 5 hours

if you haven't offered it's a bit much but honestly most kids on daytime plays stay the day

[iMum]

Maisemor, thing is my ds has begun to ask me why he doesnt go to x y z house to play-its very hard to explain that you need to be invited, the other children are going out to play and he sees that.
I have no problem having this boy to play, just the mothers attitude really.
And it may be easier with a friend over to play while they are playing but its the cooking, and tidying up thats harder-anway thats not important.
I just feel this mums attitude is a bit off the mark tho.

[maisemor]

I find it easier when my children have somebody over to play with. It means that all their attention is not on me all the time and I actually have time to clean a bit, bake something or the like.

[totalmisfit]

it is cheeky but also nice that your son now has a playdate. agree that next time you can be more assertive and make sure the times suit you. she is being cheeky but she might not be all bad, if you get to know her.

[VictorianSqualor]

If you were the one offering playdates all the time thought and your child was never invited back would you not find it a bit rude?

[maisemor]

Is it really all about who owes who a playdate, or about the children getting to play with their friends?

I only invite my children's friends over when I have the energy to do it, and I would not think that they the children's parents then owe me a playdate.

[VictorianSqualor]

Taking the piss, totally.
I asked a friend to get DD from school for me the otehr day and have her for two and a half hours, I wouldn't have asked for longer, no way, and that's a friend.

Make sure you try and arrange a return playdate, I have to say I'm terrible at this because DD usually goes to friends houses from school but we have to get two buses home and I don't like the thought of dragging someone elses child along on the journey so I wait until DP is able to pick them up from school before I return the date, I always know just what children I 'owe' a playdate too though.