Life After Abusive Relationship

[January17]

Name change for this.

I've been out of a very controlling, emotionally abusive relationship for 4.5 months now. It was on and off for two years. We met at work where he was my mentor. We still speak a bit by message only.

The problem is I still dwell on it constantly. It's usually the first thing I think about when I wake up, I think about it throughout the day while I'm at work, or out and it's the last night I think about at night.

I went to therapy for more than a year, though I've taken a break from it for the past two months since I don't feel I'm really making progress.

On a superficial level, I do all the things I'm supposed to do. I continue to show up at work where I'm doing well, though I don't really care about it anymore. I go to social events and feel disconnected, but still go. I can't make any big decisions or life changes.

I tried dating again early on, but felt it was too soon after one date. I'm planning to avoid it for another few months.

My friends were all bored of hearing about it, so I haven't really mentioned it for a long time. They think he's no good, so don't understand why I'm sad about it and miss him.

I'm going to start medication soon. I'm hoping this will make me feel less depressed, or at least more numb to it.

How long did it take other people to move on from it? A lot of friends definitely seemed to expect me to get over it almost instantly.

[Butterflycatchers]

Oh it’s still early days and it sounds like you are doing well. It’s great that you’ve kept your routine. I think your friends won’t understand what this has done to your brain.

Have you read up on trauma bonds? That’s partly why it’s hard to move on.

Keep up with your routine. Lots of self care. Do lots of reading around DV and trauma bonds/Stockholm syndrome. Read Women’s Aid website. DM me if you would like to.
Post on the relationship board.

People won’t understand unless they know. A sentence to me from the next girlfriend ‘no matter how I explain things to my friends they'll never truly understand’ some of us do though.