AIBU for not wanting to invite family to baptism?

[Saju1]

I am a very private person and don't like people taking pictures of me or my baby, and posting them on social media. I have met with some family members who have taken pictures of me without asking and being offended if I don't want to be in a picture and also when I ask them to delete it.

For my birthday I also asked for no pictures, and they started taking their phones out and filming. I thought this was really rude.

I now have a baby and planning to have them baptised, and I don't want the event filmed, or taken pictures, or on social media.

I feel the only option I have is not invite them. AIBU?

[BeardieWeirdie]

I wouldn’t want it to be filmed or on social media, but don’t you want to have photos to show your child when they’re older?

[GooglyEyeballs]

I think it depends, if you're planning to have the baptism just parents and baby then it's fine but if you're planning to invite friends and family but deliberately exclude some family members then I think that would be a really awful thing to do. You, your baby and your family will never get that time back so if you hurt people through this you can't unhurt them and it'll forever mar what should be a lovely event.

[chikp]

Its a very important part of your child's spiritual life. If the church allows photos I don't see why you wouldn't want them to take one to commemorate them entering christ's family.

[chikp]

Could you perhaps say there will be an opportunity for photos after the ceremony so please no photos during so they can be spiritually present with The Lord?

[Keyansier]

IMO you sound quite hard work and like you're trying to draw attention to yourself, thinking people taking photos of you or your baby are the equivalent of paparazzi shots.

YANBU to not invite anyone who would potentially take photos at your event if you didn't want them to, but YABU to complain if nobody decides to show up to said event after learning of your imposed strict rule of no phones allowed.

[Morechocmorechoc]

What do you think will happen at kids parties...you'd better get over it now.

How sad no family for your baby because of photos. You could easily ask the vicar not to tell everyone no photos allowed except official ones. Assuming you have those for memories?!!!!!!!

[tillytown]

Your child deserves to have photos of themself taken so they have something to look back on. I agree with not putting photos on social media, but refusing to let others take photos is ridiculous and selfish

[FlamingJingleBells]

You can decide not to invite guests to the baptism because that's your right. However, remember that eventually people will lose interest in you & your baby. So don't be annoyed later if you find that people aren't interested anymore.

With regards to your anxiety about privacy, do you display discomfort at social communication? Are you a loner who prefers their own company rather than of others?

[ILOVECHEESE79]

Is it the issue of the photos themselves, or of people posting photos on social media?

[FlamingJingleBells]

Have you received therapy because I think your discomfort with privacy is beyond normal. How do you manage CCTV & walking down the street because there are cameras everywhere. I think you need help because your aversion to people and social communication isn't normal.

[Cas112]

@Keyansier

IMO you sound quite hard work and like you're trying to draw attention to yourself, thinking people taking photos of you or your baby are the equivalent of paparazzi shots.

YANBU to not invite anyone who would potentially take photos at your event if you didn't want them to, but YABU to complain if nobody decides to show up to said event after learning of your imposed strict rule of no phones allowed.

People do do that at events though. OP is not over reacting and your ignorant if you think everything isn't about taking pictures nowadays and getting uploaded to social media straight away.

I get you OP it's hard when your uncomfortable with yourself but maybe just try re-iterate and then focus on enjoying the day with your children. You might appreciate the photos in a few years to come

[Rowen32]

I agree with you about social media and I do dislike people taking photos to an extent as you don't know where they'll put them - I've actually been freaked out by the amount of times I've received photos of other peoples' kids second or third hand, I think it's really quite frightening..
But at a certain point you have to trust and say its a part of life too and you can't not be in the world...
I'd have no problem saying not to pictures on social media, I 100% agree with that and would have no problem falling out with someone who didn't respect that boundary but apart from that I think you have to let go a little and not think about it too much, it's all about balance and unfortunately, it's the world we live in..
But again, totally on your side if they're actually disrespecting boundaries which it sounds like they are

[Isithotinhere]

I think that kids photos shouldn't be put up on social media unless the parent agrees, but I'd be ok with grandparents and other close family taking some photos as long as they don't post them.

It's a problem if your family won't follow your wishes, but excluding some family members from a christening could cause a lot of hurt feelings/ill will.

But only you know if they will accept your very reasonable boundaries, even if you say that if they do post photos of your child that there will be a no phones/no cameras rule if they're in your company again. ^^

[Doggydarling]

You're not alone in feeling this way, I considered not having photographers at our wedding, that's how much I dislike having my photo taken. I compromised but with lots of control so I was more comfortable, thankfully it was before social media became common place. I excuse myself from situations where pictures are being taken and if I am in any I'm polite but clear that they are not to be put online. If I was you I would have a very small event with only people I trust attending, I'd have no issue with some photos being taken of the baby but with strict agreement that nothing ends up online.

[Sugarplumfairy65]

A baptism is a public event. You cannot ban anyone from going to the church service.

[Cw112]

I would just be clear with everyone that it's fine for them to attend but you have chosen not to have your child on social media so they can take pictures as long as they agree not to post them on facebook/insta etc.

[kitcat15]

You sound like hard work OP 🙄.... they probably be glad not to have to come to the baptism.....I always find them really boring

[Keyansier]

@kitcat15

You sound like hard work OP 🙄.... they probably be glad not to have to come to the baptism.....I always find them really boring

You sound like hard work OP 🙄

Completely agree

[dolor]

I'm the same, I HATE cameras being pointed at me, and people who know me, know not to do it.

A lot of people seem to think you need to get over yourself, but frankly I think people need to stop being invasive with cameras. If you don't want them at a ceremony, then you don't have to have them, and honestly? The amount of people who post photos of their kids openly online, are really bloody weird, it's not safe.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

I understand you don’t like photos, but your child needs a tribe of friends and family so it isn’t fair to exclude them from a major event in your child’s life. Your child’s need for a community matters more than your dislike of photos. You can certainly say no photos till after the ceremony.

You are going to have to get over this because photos will be taken at kids parties, and again, it’s not fair to isolate your child.

It does sound like your worries about this are excessive. You might want to consider what is behind it.

[FlamingJingleBells]

PND, get therapy for it before you ruin your kids life with excessive and intrusive stress and paranoia.

[Josette77]

I only have one picture of my dad from when he was 12. He died before I met him. Pictures are important. They are for your child more than for you.

[balalake]

Not inviting anyone other than the godparents is your choice and perfectly reasonable. Though I think if any of your family are vicars, priests, nuns or other religious leaders you ought to invite them.

Whilst you should ensure you have some photos of your child as they grow up, perfectly reasonable to limit them and to be kept to yourself. Or share on your terms.

[Coyoacan]

So you want to isolate your child because you like being isolated. Most humans are social creatures who from time to time need the help and support of others.

[FlamingJingleBells]

No sign of the op @Saju1 then?