AIBU to just not know how to carry on with this!!

[Blownupblowndown]

Not sure this is an AIBU at all but need to vent .
I’m the most laid back person I know in the world. I have the patient of a Saint and go out of my way to treat everyone as nicely as I can but I’m starting to feel like I may finally be losing my shit!

I'm a single mum with 3 DD’s, although I have been in a relationship now for 3.5 years with my boyfriend. I work full time as a secondary school teacher and have just been promoted this year to head of department.

My life just seems to be one long slog at the minute. Work is hard! I stay every day til at least 4.30, then straight home to make dinner, sort the girls out, get stuff ready for the next day etc. And before I know it, it’s bedtime and I’m too exhausted to sleep and getting between 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Also, with work, I’m expected to be doing extra duties as HOD, I have 2 ECT’s in my department of 4, one of which I’m mentoring so that’s a lot of extra work and to top it all off, I keep getting put on to cover other lessons and so losing my free periods. This means I’m having to catch up on admin and lesson making at the weekends- I usually do at least 6-8 hours every Saturday. And all this and I still can’t afford more than just the basic bills!
I try to be a good mum but my kids seem to constantly hate me for not being there for them, hate me for not being able to buy them nice things or send them to the same clubs their friends go to etc etc.
And on top of all this, my relationship is stuck and seems to be going nowhere. My boyfriend has his own successful business which means he’s pretty much semi-retired and earns about 10 times more than me. He has loads of nice things and I always feel like a scruffy loser when we go anywhere together. I’m not jealous- he worked hard for it but it just makes me so sad that I’m also working so hard and I’m still sinking!
I just feel so rubbish about everything but not sure how to change any of it. I’ve really had enough. I’ve never shouted or screamed at anyone in my life but I feel like if I get put on cover once more or get an unexpected bill, I might just blow my top!

Anyway, rant over. Thanks for reading if you got to the end!

[Blownupblowndown]

I have thought in the past about taking a pension break. It is such a lot of money I’m paying out every month!
i do really love my boyfriend. And that’s the main problem. I want to be together but he’s either afraid of commitment or just not that interested. He seems quite happy plodding along and I want more. We don’t live together but see each other most nights.

[superram]

Please don’t take a pension break, it’s £400 of your money but over £800 of ‘free’ money. Have this weekend off completely, watch some movies, go for a walk. Then count down to half term. Work 2 days then give time to your kids.

[FivePotatoesHigh]

Sorry, not a teacher but curious about how the cover is allocated if you are HoD - is it SLT allocating this or someone else?

[Ukelele101]

Hi, couldn’t read and run. Honestly I'm
not sure how you are doing all that? Im a teacher (single parent too but only to one) and recently promoted to second in faculty in a new school so I have an idea how you are feeling. If I’m honest it sounds unsustainable, if your hours at home are anything like mine (I’m imagining they are are more) then you can’t do it. Have you spoken to anyone about all the cover you are getting? If it is literally every free then that’s 6 hours of cover a week you are doing, can you speak to your union?

What’s the position with your partner? Do you live together? Is he supporting you practically?

also, with the money side of things, could you take a pension break for a year as that’s something silly like £400 a month contribution. I know it’s not ideal but one year break might not do that much damage?

[jeaux90]

If you don't love him finish it. I'm a lone parent and a shit relationship is a massive burden in terms of time and emotions.

I have accepted life in the week is a grind, it's all about work, kids and all the emotional burden of running a house.

Decent sleep is something that helps massively, how old are you? Audio books, a big dose of good quality magnesium might help. (Age related question is a peri/menopause one, sleep can be a problem)

I'd try and work out how you can cut down on the weekend working a bit.
Because frankly I'd rather be offering private tuition and earning extra than doing that.

[Blownupblowndown]

Thanks.
The kids sort of understand but it’s tough for them. They are 11, 8 and 7.
I love teaching so much but came to it later in life so have had to carve a career while the girls were still very young. I did my PGCE when the youngest was 2, so I guess they’ve all missed out on quite a lot from me. It’s also the reason why I’m not earning as much as I could be I suppose.
DP could be a lot better. As I said, we seem to be going nowhere. We’re pretty much in the same place we were when we met. I don’t know where it’s going and just feel like it’s taking up too much time and too much headspace.

[FitFat]

Sorry OP. No advice but sounds really hard. Life is so tough these days. Well done for being made HOD :)

[thejadefish]

YANBU. Sorry I can't help but I'd feel the same in your shoes. It's too much. You're a good mum doing the best you can x

[DoodlePug]

Ah, that sounds rough.

Is any of this short term? Is there a learning curve for HoD and so you'll get into your stride soon? Are the kids struggling with the return to school but will settle by Christmas?

If you're recently promoted you're probably better off financially than you were, but with everything increasing you might not notice it.

Unfortunately it isn't possible to have everything. Only so many hours in the day, and no easy way to jump into a high earning role and give your family all they want. Are the kids old enough to understand? Or preferably get a paper round and help out more round the house so there is more time to have fun together.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound much of a problem Tbh, but it triggers your financial woes.

Do you enjoy teaching? It's not the best paid profession but has its advantages.

I can't really see what you could do that'd help you. You've carved out a good career whilst bringing up kids in difficult circumstances , that is an achievement.