Grandparents judgement / having favourites

[HCSD89]

I had a baby six months ago, since she came along it’s as though my dad and his wife have now decided my older 4 year old daughter is not as loveable as she once was. I fell out with them recently due to my dad really telling 4 year old off in public for not eating a cheese sandwich.. i had offered to buy the sandwich but apparently it wasn’t about the money, it was the principle due to the cost of living crisis (which of course she knows nothing about!!). At home she eats crisps / salad and normally a sandwich made with 1 piece of bread, well she did eat half of this whole sandwich but not the crusts and eaten some
cheese only out of another quarter. She was doing a crossword with nanny as well so was being distracted and it is more difficult to get her to eat when out tbh. The way he spoke to her was so nasty and said he wouldn’t buy her food again when they went out and she must eat food that people buy her. I told them we were leaving and it wasn’t his place to try and parent my child and generations are different and guilting / being nasty to encourage children to eat is not how you are supposed to encourage children to eat (like I would praise her when she does well, not be really nasty when she doesn’t, although I would talk to her about this and encourage her to eat).

Having spoken since, he said I want to micromanage everything to do with my young children and if he was looking after them (which I don’t let them do btw because I know they would constantly get funny about things), he wouldn’t do things the way I want but then said he would but he wouldn’t like or agree with it, which always makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. He said he was duty bound to say something and thinks he was right to be nasty and the whole thing has really upset me. He didn’t even want to speak to me about the situation, didn’t apologise but then said he would apologise only because he overstepped his role and I said I wouldn’t eat with them again / see them less if they don’t like how we are. He said I was being sensitive which I don’t feel he was, I feel he was trying to disregard my feelings. He also said I am doing my daughter a disservice my not making her eat crusts on bread!! They both constantly pass judgement and make comments / remarks / pull faces about small issues and it’s majorly getting me down to the point I want to see them less.

This seems to have gotten bad since the baby has come along and obviously the baby can’t do anything wrong, my dad almost ignores my eldest now and didn’t ask her how school was going for her which she has just started because he would rather give baby all of his attention. To be fair to his wife, she does make an effort with the eldest but does pass a lot of judgement and pull faces at times which i find annoying as she doesn’t have children so hasn’t actually been in this situation. When I was younger my family had a lot of issues and my mum passed away when I was a teen and my dad did his best but wasn’t really good with our emotions / feelings / confidence so I don’t want to do things the same as he did. The whole situation is really petty tbh and we fell out over a bloody sandwich, but my daughter is 4 and doesn’t always behave properly but she is growing / learning… AIBU to feel how I am feeling???