AIBU - I'm feeling so hurt.

[lb66]

My DD applied to go on a game show here in our homeland. A few months back she thought she may be a last minute fill in and asked me if I were able to drive her to the city for the taping of it, naturally, all this is confidential. Just for the record, I absolutely hate driving in big cities these days, but I said yes. That didn't happen, so fast forward a few months and she gets an email for a date to go for the taping.

She gets a lift to the city with her brother and his GF and off they go. Now, DD has known about this for over a month, I only find out yesterday. Everyone knew about this but me, her own mother. My own DM, my two nephews (12 & 13), my DS, even my son's girlfriend (of only a few weeks) knew before I did.

Here is why I'm so hurt.

When she was OS, having the time of her life, too busy to sleep, calls me up in tears wanting to come home as she's had enough. I calm her down, talk her through it, all while she's sitting outside the airport halfway across the world as she can't get into check-in until a certain time.

Then just earlier this year she's OS again and the evening before she's due to fly home, tests positive for covid and is stranded there for an extra week. It's 3am here and she calls me, again in tears, not knowing what to do, in a panic, trying to change flights etc.

So I'm good enough to phone when she's stranded, over tired, needs rides into the city etc, but she can't tell me about something this exciting about a game show until 2 weeks after she's been for the taping.

For the record, she doesn't live at home anymore.

I'm sorry, I'm just really hurt.

Tell me IBU so I can start feeling better.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

The thing is, that’s what good parents are for. To help with anxiety and worry, to call in the middle of the night, to be there and be supportive even when your child is grown. Doing that is being a good parent. I don’t expect that to end when mine are technically adults.

Re the game show, she said to you when you were the one giving the lift, it was meant to be confidential. So she didn’t tell you on the later occasion because you weren’t involved then - OK a few extra people found out but so what.

IDK OP, you sound a bit possessive of her. There doesn’t need to be “pay back” for you having been there for her in the form of making you feel important and in the “inner circle “.

Her own mother also stood out for me, as an odd thing to say. It’s not as if anything bad is going to happen to you through not knowing this. It sounds like something an over possessive mother would say.

[MintJulia]

We are mums, we are there to fall back on, to pick up the pieces and provide comfort. We aren't their best friends, that's a privilege afforded people their own age.
Sometimes it sucks but it's pretty normal.

[InsertPunHere]

“Her own mother” is an awful phrase, it sounds aggrieved and resentful. No one has ever said anything good with that phrase in it.

You’re her mum, you are supposed to be there for the tricky stuff. It’s part of our job.

That your response is “you should have told me first” rather than “wow, that’s exciting, tell me all the details” indicates your relationship isn’t entirely what it could be.