Friends birthday meal...I'm paying and she picked expensive place ,aibu ?

[beeleecc]

It's my friends birthday tomorrow and we are going into Manchester for shopping trip /lunch.
It's around 2 hours away and I paid for the train for us both(as it's her birthday )
I bought her a gift that was £65 and I said I would treat us to lunch at a pub.
So in my head I'm thinking £40 max.
Anyway she said she wanted to go somewhere nicer than a pub.
Anyway she was showing me the menu to a Thai place and it's gonna cost around £80 -£100 depending if she orders 2 cocktails or just 1.

Aibu to think it's a bit cheeky ?
I can't not pay now as I said let's do lunch and it's my treat.
I told her a few nice pubs and she said no to them all.

[AryaStarkWolf]

oh fgs I thought there was an update

[MyrtlethePurpleTurtle]

So what happened, OP ?

< wilfully ignoring @misskatamari >

[misskatamari]

Seeing as this keeps coming up on my posted on thingy ZOMBIE THREAD KLAXON!!! This was posted last month and has been and gone!

[LoisLane66]

I'd say ' Sorry, no can do. It's out of my budget but I'll stretch to one of those dine in for two dinners from M&S and I'll throw in a nice bottle of vino. There's the choice, pub or M&S'. 😂

[Ddot]

Just say you have chosen a nice place but it's a surprise. Then pick one in your budget

[MyrtlethePurpleTurtle]

I think it’s fine for her to want to go to a more special pace and to her tastes for her birthday (if a bit cheeky). HOWEVER, it’s not what you offered and of course it’s fine then to tell her as much and for you to go halves

[Clov3119]

I think she is taking the pi ss because you have already paid for a lot. Now grabbing it for all its worth. Need to stand up for yourself. If you can't afford it then it's a no.

[Newhousesad]

YANBU. She sounds cheeky

[SierpinskiSquare]

.

[Ratatoo]

Hope it went well

[Mitzi067]

OP, what happened, people are waiting to know the outcome!

[AWOL66]

I'd do what others say and just say it's a bit out your budget and suggest going halves or find a cheaper alternative restaurant option saying it's got good reviews, looks great and is less expensive. If I discuss restaurants with others, birthday or not, it's normal to be able to say 'gosh that looks an expensive place' and joke like 'what's the starter gold bars' that kind of thing haha. Many people I know watch their money so it's more about lack of willingness to spend too higher prices then no willingness to spend that much on your friend. On a side note this year I realised I've gradually become more and more the mother hen who feels a sense of moral obligation to pay for everything for friends or else I'll feel anxiety they will think I'm tight or unkind. I would buy really nice presents even for people I'm not sure even deserve it. I also became the office leaving present organiser even for people who haven't been kind to me! I realised this is a form of people pleasing and most of what I've done was completely uneccessary and purely down to having an anxiety. I've been watching a lot of youtube videos on people pleasing and feel a whole lot more balanced in my thinking. People really don't expect so much and often a smaller gesture to a good friend is better than a big one anyway. I organised a similar trip to yours and was anxious the whole time as my friend didn't really recipricate e.g she said lets go halves on lunch and when we bought wine in a shop even though I'd paid for so much else. It can dominate your thoughts. Far better to save big days out for someone you trust 100 per cent like your mum or husband if they are similar to you. It's a relief for that obligated feeling to lift as you end up feeling a mug for being overly generous and taken advantage of and at times a bit over the top in your gestures which can feel a bit awkward. If you are like me watch those youtube videos! Whatever happens enjoy your trip :-)

[aSofaNearYou]

@nosyupnorth

YABU
£40 for two people to eat out is assuming that you're going somewhere on the extremely cheap end of the market - that budget wouldn't even cover starters/main/dessert/drinks at nandos let alone a nice country pub! If you wanted to only go to cheapo chain places then you should have specified.
If you really can't afford it then retract the offer, but it was your mistake to offer something you can't afford don't blame her.

£40 is about right for a Nandos type restaurant in my experience, it might stretch to about £50 but it certainly wouldn't be £80-100.

[nosyupnorth]

YABU
£40 for two people to eat out is assuming that you're going somewhere on the extremely cheap end of the market - that budget wouldn't even cover starters/main/dessert/drinks at nandos let alone a nice country pub! If you wanted to only go to cheapo chain places then you should have specified.
If you really can't afford it then retract the offer, but it was your mistake to offer something you can't afford don't blame her.

[Sartre]

Just be totally honest and say it’s out of your budget, tell her where you were thinking of instead. Easy.

[wentworthinmate]

The day has come and gone and I bet you didn't treat yourself to anything as she wiped you out! Such a shame.

[riceuten]

Who are these people who expect someone to pony up for an expensive Thai meal as a birthday present ? Strange kind of friend.

[RaRathebravemouse]

Let us know what happens OP

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

If she was the one paying, would she have picked this place?
Some people will go for the expensive stuff on someone elses dime when they wouldn't on their own, and that is exceptionally cheeky.
If however it's her usual type of place to pick when she's paying for herself/others too, she might not realise its over budget for some and a bit of a cheeky ask for somewhere at that cost.

[Mamanyt]

Tell her, "I am so sorry, that's out of my budget! It sounds wonderful, maybe we can go another time when we each pay our own way!"

[Benjispruce4]

If you’re paying, you choose and book.

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

Normally I'd say, tell it to her straight as other pp have suggested. She is a total CF. However, I've been in your situation, there are two people in my life who behave like this and I know how difficult it is to say that to them in real life when you are sitting in the restaurant supposedly having a lovely time. Except its not really a lovely time when you feel like you are being imposed upon. And on top of that being made to feel "tight".
You have to ask why, having already spent/intended to spend at least £120 (including the £40) on what planet could you be considered tight? By anyone. and if the Friend is making you feel like you are being tight/begrudging spending on celebrating her birthday - she is completely in the wrong.
You'd already gone to the effort of choosing one pub/lunch you thought would be nice and she's turned around and demanded more. You research 4/5 more places and she turns those down as well.
The foot is stamped she MUST have the expensive resturant she's landed on and you MUST pay for it £80-£100 depending on how many cocktails she orders ( I doubt if there is a poster on this thread who imagines she will confine herself to just one cocktail when she's not paying.. its HER birthday afterall) and even after this you are still the penny pincher who wanted to take her to a cheap pub on HER actual birthday.
How does it sound now? Do you still feel "tight" or begrudging. Its clear that the last thought on your mind was being begrudging - you wanted her to have a lovely birthday day out together. So accept that you are not guilty and ask why you feel guilty about it.
Then ask yourself why a friend would treat you like this. When you say No to her, and I hope you do.. what do your think her reaction will be?
And then think whether you deserve this? What have you actually done wrong?
Who is being rude here, her or you? and remember the answer when you say no to her.
I hope you resolve this. Its not fair to be put in that position when all you wanted to do was to treat a friend.

[Zonder]

What did you do in the end?

[BarbaraofSeville]

Multiple courses, cocktails. It's all very well saying do they have a lunch menu, but not everyone wants to order from it.

When we eat out its cheaper/mid range places and usually one or two courses plus a pint each and a jug of tap water, and even then is usually around £40-60.

So I can see it can easily cost nearly twice that if people have a couple of cocktails so drinks at £20+ pp instead of £5/6 plus possibly more courses or a slightly posher place, or chain restaurant without vouchers, which always seems to cost more than you'd imagine.

If I was going to Manchester I'd be happy with the lunch special and a pint at Bundobust, which is around £15 pp, but I also like El Gato Negro, which if you have 3/4 tapas and a couple of cocktails or G&Ts would be more like £40-50 pp