Was this a love actually scenario?

[Isthislikeloveactually]

Inspired by another thread, just wondering what impression others get of this.
Several Christmases ago when I had two DCs under 2, I found a kindle in DHs car. I thought it was for me so said nothing. But lo and behold it never showed up on Christmas Day. Turned out it was for his junior (married) female colleague who he said had deserved it because she was brilliant and they got on really well. He vehemently denied it was anything more than friendship and said he would never cheat.
He’s never bought such a gift - or any gift - for any other colleague, before or since.
I met her and her family. Seemed ok. They no longer work together but I know are still in touch as friends…occasional coffees and chats and know what’s going on in each other’s lives.
We’ve had our ups and downs but currently we seem to be getting on well. He can go a bit distant at times, maybe once a year for a few weeks, just seems distracted and a bit irritable, then snaps out of it. I can be like that too occasionally but I also snap out of it. I’ve never suspected him of cheating with anyone else.
What would people make of the kindle?

[Isthislikeloveactually]

Thanks for all your views.
I’m inclined to raise an eyebrow but conclude - unless any further episodes - that he “forgot” that this sort of closeness to a female colleague isn’t in the spirit of a marriage vow.
He’s pretty family-orientated but all the same I think it goes to show that you can never fully trust anyone except yourself!

[KatherineJaneway]

I find it a little odd he bought it himself if it was a 'work' reward. In my experience the EA's or PA's in the office arrange work gifts as they are paid for from a supplier or via corporate credit card.

[EerieSilence]

Wow. Just wow. I would be fuming. A box of chocolates fine. A Kindle? Too much.

[DrSbaitso]

[quote cstaff]@drsbaitso
Yeah the value was anywhere between 40 and 100 quid.[/quote]
You would definitely not have got them if you were Clive the grizzled maintenance man, no matter how good you were at the job.

[Muthalucka]

What did get you this Christmas as the mother of his children to show you how brilliant you are and that you deserve it?

[Redglitter]

@HollowTalk

OP, do you have access to his Amazon account? You can see the different Kindle accounts there and you can see the purchases, too.

If he's bought it as a gift its not going to be registered to his Amazon account, it'll be registered to hers. The kindle purchase will show up but nothing else

[yossell]

A kindle, you say? I wouldn't read too much into it.

[whynotwhatknot]

I wouldnt like that he spent the same on her as he did you

but as this was years ago and not much happened since i dont think its relevant now

[Theredjellybean]

Personally I think it's a much more intimate gift than the obvious "affair" gifts such as underwear.
It reflects someone gifting something they know the other person wants with no benefit for the gifter.
I received many gifts when I was in an affair, and definitely felt the gifts of things like kindles (in my case a very expensive hairdryer and a new briefcase when I got a big promotion) meant more.
It reflected tgat he had listened to my everyday type conversation, I had apparently moaned one say about my hair being difficult to manage... Hence the hairdryer... And he wanted me to have something for me not for him.

[JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue]

Am I the only person thinking

He’s never bought such a gift - or any gift - for any other colleague, before or since

that you know about?

[LuaDipa]

@Riverlee

Something obviously niggled you at the time for you to still be bothered by it.

It may have been the result of an innocent conversation about reading, books, kindles etc, which made dh suddenly buy it for her. However, you said it was a similar price to your gift, so quite a substantial cost. How many people spend £50-100+ on work colleagues?

I agree with this.

Dh owns his own business and his PA deals with the gifts. They are always very generic - flowers, chocolates, hampers etc. One year he bought his management team Apple Watches, but obviously they all received the same. I would be very upset if DH sent one particular (female) person something different, purchased by him. It’s not something he does, and I would immediately think that something was amiss. Even more so if he spent the same as he spent on me.

[WTF475878237NC]

I think he holds a torch for her but for whatever reason they don't feel they can or want to be together at present.

[cstaff]

@drsbaitso
Yeah the value was anywhere between 40 and 100 quid.

[Juniper68]

I'd have gone mental about that.
I'm not a jealous type but that's too much to be spending especially if he only spent the same on you.

[DrSbaitso]

@cstaff

I think you are all reading too much into this. In my job I get maybe four or five presents at Christmas from both male and female colleagues who I do a lot of work for during the year. The value and type of present varies. Some have more thought put into them than others but all are we received with thanks.

Were any of them on a par with a Kindle in terms of value?

[GoodnightGrandma]

I wouldn’t be happy with the situation.

[cstaff]

I think you are all reading too much into this. In my job I get maybe four or five presents at Christmas from both male and female colleagues who I do a lot of work for during the year. The value and type of present varies. Some have more thought put into them than others but all are we received with thanks.

[WhiteCatmas]

A refurbished kindle fire can be about £30 by the way, so not that pricey.

[WhatDidISayAlan]

I wouldn't necessarily read too much into it. She may have got him out of the shit at work and he doesn't want to admit that to you. I've had a bottle of vintage champagne from a colleague who's PhD thesis I indexed and reformatted as a favour (didn't expect anything) and a beautiful piece of jade from another after I queued up all day in the Chinese embassy to get him a visa sorted for an imminent business trip because he literally thought he could just get on a plane and go.

[ChiefStockingStuffer]

@Anotherviewtoyou

I do always find it interesting that these men never seem to go out of their way to buy a gift/ help out a brilliant male work colleague. Always seems to be a younger female employee…

Funny that!

[WhiteCatmas]

You can’t message people using a kindle (paperwhite).
Kindle fire it would link into her other accounts so she’d have to set up a new digital identity to talk to him with it.

[WallaceinAnderland]

He singled her out for a gift.
He chose an expensive item.
He hid it from you.
He chose a device which can be used for messaging

I think he was hoping to get closer to her. Whether he did is another matter. It could be that he came to his senses when you challenged him and he realised what he was risking.

[WhiteCatmas]

Perhaps your DH thought you were too busy looking after 2 small children to care whether he gave a Kindle to a colleague.
He may have had amazon vouchers on a scheme through work.
It may have been a recognition award for her through work.
It is an electronic device and not a dildo.
You can have a simple exchange along the lines of ‘oh you are reading, do you read a lot?’ ‘Oh yes, but the books get heavy when I go on holiday’.

Sometimes a kindle is just a kindle.

[DrSbaitso]

@ANameChangeAgain

I was the 20 something pa and my bosses used to buy me nice gifts for Christmas and birthdays. There was never anything untoward going on. I've seen more than my fair share of office affairs though from my colleagues. I think if they are the type to cheat they will, if they aren't they won't.

But would they have bought you the gifts if you were a 55 year old man?

[Riverlee]

Something obviously niggled you at the time for you to still be bothered by it.

It may have been the result of an innocent conversation about reading, books, kindles etc, which made dh suddenly buy it for her. However, you said it was a similar price to your gift, so quite a substantial cost. How many people spend £50-100+ on work colleagues?