AIBU to expect MIL to pay

[Muggymama]

MIL never thought she'd have grandkids due to.my DH being lifelong batchelor but we did and she has 3; DD15, DS12 & DS10.
She never buys them anything or gives them even few pounds when they visit but is very comfortably off and currently having very extensive improvements to her house (which we have to constantly listen to hear her moaning about, mess, poor workmanship, not turning up when should yadda, yadda).
My parents on the other hand, have very little but are so kind and bring their favourite treats and contribute to trips, little luxuries, pocket money etc.
AIBU to be bit miffed with MIL?
She is from a generation when things were easier too, free higher education, good pension at very early age etc.
I know it's her money but can't help feeling she is being selfish and little treats time to time would show she cares, understands them & knows what they like/ need.

[Muggymama]

Thanks everyone for taking time to post, it was a very interesting introduction to MN and AIBU😊!

[Muggymama]

@Billandben444

OP, I've read all your posts but NRTWT. it looks as though you've been flamed a bit as money grabbing etc but I don't see that from your posts. You are upset that your MIL isn't interested in finding out her grandchildren's favourite biscuits, drinks and buying them in for their next visit. I don't do this for my grandchildren (though they all know I love them dearly) but will always have some treats in the cupboard but not necessarily their favourites. I'm interested in their hobbies and friendships and we get on well but I don't feel the need to 'treat' them neither do I slip them money though I'm generous with presents and when we go out. I think you need to let go of this one as it sounds as though your children aren't bothered and feel loved by all their grandparents which is the important thing.

Thanks for your post, I think you're right😊.
I was a little ruffled after my daughter visited and hadn't been offered even a drink but perhaps MN was not the best place to vent🤣. TBF my title probably set many against me but was unable to change.

[Billandben444]

OP, I've read all your posts but NRTWT. it looks as though you've been flamed a bit as money grabbing etc but I don't see that from your posts. You are upset that your MIL isn't interested in finding out her grandchildren's favourite biscuits, drinks and buying them in for their next visit. I don't do this for my grandchildren (though they all know I love them dearly) but will always have some treats in the cupboard but not necessarily their favourites. I'm interested in their hobbies and friendships and we get on well but I don't feel the need to 'treat' them neither do I slip them money though I'm generous with presents and when we go out. I think you need to let go of this one as it sounds as though your children aren't bothered and feel loved by all their grandparents which is the important thing.

[Angelofchaos]

The mil isn't uninterested in the grandkids. She sees them every week.

[Mostlylurkingiam]

Plenty of people uninterested in children/grandchildren. It's fine they have no obligation to them and although it would be nice she doesn't have to pretend to be interested. At the same time I wouldn't be buying/wrapping gifts from her, if she gives cash give them that or let them pick out something and they are old enough to say "thanks, I got x with my birthday money" to her.

[Ideasplease322]

And I hope she leaves her money to charity😂

Sorry, only kidding.

[Ideasplease322]

Okay Op

Nighty night

[Muggymama]

@Ideasplease322

sorry I was being facetious. In today’s standards she was average age to become a grandmother.

I was saying the life long bachelor must have married and become a dad in his thirties at the latest to make his mother a grandmother in her fifties.

The term is usually reserved for men who never marry, never date (women), never father children.

Yet your mil and you had assigned this man the title in his twenties/thirties. Seems odd. But as I have said before this whole thread is odd. Changes with the wind.

Thanks so much for taking such time over all this, especially as you are struggling to keep up, but don't worry I won't be offended if you sign off now, I get it you think I'm BU!

[Ideasplease322]

sorry I was being facetious. In today’s standards she was average age to become a grandmother.

I was saying the life long bachelor must have married and become a dad in his thirties at the latest to make his mother a grandmother in her fifties.

The term is usually reserved for men who never marry, never date (women), never father children.

Yet your mil and you had assigned this man the title in his twenties/thirties. Seems odd. But as I have said before this whole thread is odd. Changes with the wind.

[HollaHolla]

We only had one grandparent, and he always gave us sweeties/£1 for a treat when we saw him - maybe twice a month. He was always generous at birthdays and Xmas; although through mum, in giving her money to get something for us, as he thought an older widower might not have bought the right thing.
My mum had grandchildren via my siblings, and she will forever be trying to buy things for my nieces/nephews! My sister keeps saying to her that mum doesn’t need to give her money for things, as she can afford it! However, it’s nice, and kind of her, to want to spoil her grandchildren. Tbf, I also spoil my nieces/nephews, as I couldn’t have kids, and live vicariously through them!

[Muggymama]

@Ideasplease322

So she was in her fifties when she became a grandmother, yet her son was a lifelong bachelor?

You want money from her, but you don’t.

You titles the thread about her paying, then when there was a backlash it wasn’t about money but emotion. Yet you are annoyed she got free university and childcare.

She never buys them anything or gives them money, but she give you money to buy the, things.

It’s about biscuits, but it’s not.

This thread is very confusing.

The world is made up of different types of people. I think you need to accept her for who she is.

And look into how your husband and mother in law are the same age😂

It is no wonder you are confused... MIL same age as husband, where did you get that?
Guess IABU as asked for opinion but getting this, thanks though😂

[ineedaholidaynow]

@Willyoujustbequiet she sees them weekly! How much more should she see them?

[Willyoujustbequiet]

Just remember to be as generous with your time when she is elderly or infirm as she has been with you. Sometimes people reap what they sow

[Ideasplease322]

So she was in her fifties when she became a grandmother, yet her son was a lifelong bachelor?

You want money from her, but you don’t.

You titles the thread about her paying, then when there was a backlash it wasn’t about money but emotion. Yet you are annoyed she got free university and childcare.

She never buys them anything or gives them money, but she give you money to buy the, things.

It’s about biscuits, but it’s not.

This thread is very confusing.

The world is made up of different types of people. I think you need to accept her for who she is.

And look into how your husband and mother in law are the same age😂

[Panickingpavlova]

Iona leg has summed it up,
. You'll never get a decent response when you mention money on here!!

[Muggymama]

@Seeline

How old is your MIL?

She's early 70's and it may be a generational thing. AIBU seems to be 50:50 so imagine it depends a little on own childhood and experiences of GP's🤷‍♀️.

[Seeline]

How old is your MIL?

[Muggymama]

I did not do any of the things you accise me of ChargingBuck. There were observations, I'm not blaming anybody especially my MIL🙄.
Title was off I agree and not what I wanted to convey but there you go.
You are the one responding to my thread, a simple UABU would have done but I think I have gathered your view, thanks for that! 😊

[ChargingBuck]

Oh my gosh, sorry if I have touched a nerve!
Not at all, I'm not the one who felt the need to start a thread speculating about the value of my relative's pensions & assets.

She absolutely owes me nothing and I have never said she does.
Um, apart from "expecting MiL to pay"?
Or blaming her for student tuition fees, in order to justify your feeling that she has enough money to subsidise your childrens' university aspirations?

Maybe you need to have a lie down after your little outburst!
No fainting couch for me, it's just distasteful to write a whole thread dedicated to slagging off your DH's mother because you feel she should put her hand in her pocket for you.

[Panickingpavlova]

Charging buck that's extremely harsh.

I assume ops Mil does treasure her gc and appreciates them?!! Ie she also gets something from their existence

[Mymapuddlington]

@ChargingBuck I agree completely

[Muggymama]

@ChargingBuck

you have taken an observation I made and twisted it to mean I want her to provide for them, that is absolutely not the case!

No twisting happening here.

You have banged on about your MiL's career & pension, your supposition that she somehow had it easier than you, whinged that your children will need to go into debt to go to university, & made several mean statements about MiL's life choices, speculated about the value of hr assets & implied that she should somehow be responsible for making your kids' lives financially easier at they attain adulthood.

You wrote all that, but anytime PP point it out to you, you backtrack & whine that you didn't mean it, & make grandiose statements about how happy you are with your successful life.

So how about you focus on your own life, be happy that you have 3 healthy children, & STFU about a woman who has also made her own life, comes to see her GC once a week, & owes you nothing?

BTW I have made no grandiose remarks, we are a happy unit with what we need...no more, no less.
Apologies if you think I was bragging about successful life, just doing my best and not always well but we're thankfully okay!

[Muggymama]

@ChargingBuck

you have taken an observation I made and twisted it to mean I want her to provide for them, that is absolutely not the case!

No twisting happening here.

You have banged on about your MiL's career & pension, your supposition that she somehow had it easier than you, whinged that your children will need to go into debt to go to university, & made several mean statements about MiL's life choices, speculated about the value of hr assets & implied that she should somehow be responsible for making your kids' lives financially easier at they attain adulthood.

You wrote all that, but anytime PP point it out to you, you backtrack & whine that you didn't mean it, & make grandiose statements about how happy you are with your successful life.

So how about you focus on your own life, be happy that you have 3 healthy children, & STFU about a woman who has also made her own life, comes to see her GC once a week, & owes you nothing?

Oh my gosh, sorry if I have touched a nerve!
She absolutely owes me nothing and I have never said she does.
Maybe you need to have a lie down after your little outburst!

[maddening]

Yabu to expect mil to provide more than she wants to, yanbu to treat her as she treats you.

[ChargingBuck]

you have taken an observation I made and twisted it to mean I want her to provide for them, that is absolutely not the case!

No twisting happening here.

You have banged on about your MiL's career & pension, your supposition that she somehow had it easier than you, whinged that your children will need to go into debt to go to university, & made several mean statements about MiL's life choices, speculated about the value of hr assets & implied that she should somehow be responsible for making your kids' lives financially easier at they attain adulthood.

You wrote all that, but anytime PP point it out to you, you backtrack & whine that you didn't mean it, & make grandiose statements about how happy you are with your successful life.

So how about you focus on your own life, be happy that you have 3 healthy children, & STFU about a woman who has also made her own life, comes to see her GC once a week, & owes you nothing?