I know DD is in the wrong, but should children have to put up with this?

[ObviousNameChage]

DD got in trouble at school. I have no issues with the consequences she got and we had a very stern chat at home. For background she's never in trouble and described as a shy,quiet ,polite child so this is not the norm for her.


What happened was that some of her classmates were laughing and making comment that their teacher smells really bad, has sweat stains,you get the gist. DD said "I know , it makes me feel sick". Teacher overheard this and obviously all of the girls are in trouble, got a bollocking from her and also the head . They have to write apology letters and will miss play next week. We also had a talk at home about making comments,hurting people's feelings ,what's acceptable and what isn't etc.

The issue is, the teacher does actually smell quite bad, especially now in the heat, so many bodies in a sunny classroom etc. It is slightly noticeable at pick up and I'm not even that close. DD really doesn't like it and the smell (smells do in general she even recoils from me and her dad if we're smelly) does bother her. I do believe she made an honest statement , but still hurtful and as such she needs to deal with the consequences.She can't avoid it as there's group work,reading ,having chats, teacher coming over for help and so on.

It's such an awkward and difficult situation and the poor teacher must be mortified. However, at some level I also feel for the kids that have to put up with is for several hours a day and have no choice or option to "escape" from it.

If I say anything to the school I'll sound like a dick myself, the teacher will probably feel even worse and I don't think anyone can really do anything about it. At the same time I don't think it's ok for the children to just shut up and put up with it.

[WellLarDeDar]

You can get scented oil rollers for 'calming', you roll them on your wrist and the smell is supposed to relax and calm you. She could use that when she is in class with this teacher.

I agree its not pleasant but she was really rude and nasty and needs to learn better manners. It would have been really hurtful and embarrassing for that teacher whos job is hard enough as it is.

[CassandraCalled]

I’m of the camp that the kids probably shouldn’t have been punished at all. They were having a private conversation about a person in authority that was unexpectedly overheard. They absolutely should be allowed to discuss and explore this type of issue with their friends. Anything regarding bodies is likely to make kids that age giggly, often as an embarrassment response.
I have, on a few occasions at work, been asked to discuss a BO issue with a colleague. I’m in the medical profession, so odour is taken quite seriously - certain deodorants can cause excessive secretions in patients with respiratory issues, or cause distress in patients with learning difficulties, for instance. It must be horrendous to have a genuinely untreatable odour condition, but also dreadful to be continually exposed to a distressing stimulus, especially if you have increased sensitivity to it - these needs must be balanced. And in all of the situations where, because I’m they “nice” one, I’ve been asked to speak to a strongly smelling colleague, improved personal hygiene has solved the situation - common things being common. It’s also difficult and embarrassing for everyone when it’s adults - children are in a more difficult situation.
I also strongly share the opinion of some posters that suppressing frank discussion of things that upset them amongst children is a foolish precedent. There is a big difference between talking about somebody and saying cruel things to them; between accidentally causing hurt and deliberately causing it. There is also a difference between making mean comments and making true comments. Apologising for the hurt inadvertently caused is good, punishment is inappropriate. I think the school has disregarded the children’s feelings on this. I might be tempted to point this out, that children should be allowed to express themselves to each other, for numerous hopefully obvious reasons, but I can see why you wouldn’t want to escalate. Your daughter sounds lovely.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

@HarrietPierce

"Wow I’m quite shocked that 9 year olds would be that rude. I teach secondary school and I’ve never come across such bitchy comments."

Well I have come across far worse in my time as a secondary school teacher. I really cannot take your statement seriously.

It made me laugh too.

[HarrietPierce]

"Wow I’m quite shocked that 9 year olds would be that rude. I teach secondary school and I’ve never come across such bitchy comments."

Well I have come across far worse in my time as a secondary school teacher. I really cannot take your statement seriously.

[Lnix]

Well, I don't think you fucked up at all! I would have shrugged it off too. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[PixieDust28]

I think you can't do anymore. Obviously your DD now knows how unkind she was.

I used to work with someone who smelt bad. I could never mention it to her. One day she worked closely to someone who outright said she needed to take care of her hygiene. I felt so sorry for her. She knew she sweated but I don't think she could smell what everyone else smelt.

[ObviousNameChage]

@Lnix

Why are you considering doing something about it if she's coping with it, likes the teacher and isn't asking you to do anything about it?

Because I obviously have nothing better to do .


Or as I have previously stated, considering the fallout (for both DD and the teacher) I'm reconsidering my initial position of shrugging it off and whether I should do something now or not, what that something should be etc. I feel like I fucked up and looking for opinions if that's ok with you. Also, I'll know better in the future.

[Rainuntilseptember]

Stackemhigh, that's what I said, it's hot in June

[stackemhigh]

@Rainuntilseptember

I forgot about the farting
I do think June is a funny month to be complaining about anyone sweating profusely. It's not like working in an air-conditioned office, or even one with decent windows usually. More like working in a green house.
If someone smells in December that's a different thing.

Are you kidding, June has has some very warm days.

Some people smell particularly bad when they sweat, not sure why, it’s not a clean sweat smell but a very pungent smell.

A girl at school used to smell so bad when we played sport on a warm day that I would have to pretend to tie my shoelaces or something to get a break. I never said anything to her or anyone about it.

[stackemhigh]

@cupsofcoffee

Why haven't you taught her it's unacceptable to 'recoil' from you when you smell?

It’s not unacceptable to recoil when someone smells.

I’m very sensitive to smells too, and I think telling kids they have to keep quiet and not move around smelly people is harmful.

[Cushionsnotpillows]

I’m very concerned about the comment that you should teach your daughter not to recoil from embraces when she is uncomfortable. This is such a dangerous precedent to set. Children should be able to deny physical contact if they are not happy with it. Never teach your children that an adult’s feelings matter more than their personal comfort regarding physical contact.

This 100%!
We are over socialised to be "nice" and "not rude" and male abusers take advantage of this over and over again.
We need to be able to assert ourselves and refuse someone in our personal space if need be.

[Lnix]

Why are you considering doing something about it if she's coping with it, likes the teacher and isn't asking you to do anything about it?

[Cushionsnotpillows]

@mam0918 that was uncalled for. Can only assume it hit a nerve and you've completely overreacted

[ObviousNameChage]

@Rainuntilseptember

I forgot about the farting
I do think June is a funny month to be complaining about anyone sweating profusely. It's not like working in an air-conditioned office, or even one with decent windows usually. More like working in a green house.
If someone smells in December that's a different thing.

In all fairness, they were all freezing their butts off in December , including the teacher. The kids were allowed blankets/oodies , hopefully the teacher did too.

[ObviousNameChage]

@Lnix

To coming across things we find challenging in life and overcoming them.

What exactly makes you think she can't do that?

She's not stropping over it (or even getting in trouble) , she's not crying , she's not refusing to go to school, she hasn't demanded that I do something about it or "fix" it , she doesn't dislike the teacher(quite the opposite) or anything that might indicate she's not "coping" with it. She just complained to me and now her friends that it makes her feel sick. That's just a physical reaction. How is she supposed to overcome that? How do you build resilience to that?

Should I throw her in the rubbish bin and leave her in it until her aversion to bad smells disappears?

[Violinist64]

@Rosebel

So your daughter has been taught for nearly a year by this woman but you only want to complain now your daughter is being punished?
You should have complained before, especially as you noticed it at pick up time.
Anything you say now will just sound like you're trying to justify your daughter's bad behaviour.
How do you know this poor woman doesn't have a medical condition so can't do anything about the smell?

The children have either been home schooled or the weather has been cold for much of the year so the problem will not have been as evident has been in as the temperatures have climbed in the last week or so. These are not children taunting a teacher, they are little girls who have noticed a problem, talked about it among themselves at playtime (as would any of us if we knew someone with B.O). Unfortunately for them they were overheard by the teacher, who was understandably upset and they have received their punishment.
I would think an email to the headteacher (not anonymous) might be the best idea. It might only be another month until the summer holidays but another month of feeling sick because of horrible smells is not fair on anyone. It may well be that the teacher has a medical condition but it needs to be dealt with.

[Rainuntilseptember]

I forgot about the farting
I do think June is a funny month to be complaining about anyone sweating profusely. It's not like working in an air-conditioned office, or even one with decent windows usually. More like working in a green house.
If someone smells in December that's a different thing.

[Lnix]

To coming across things we find challenging in life and overcoming them.

[ObviousNameChage]

Building resilience should be the priority here!

Build resilience to what?

[Lnix]

@WrongWrhododendron

Holy Joe ... she'll need to get a grip before she gets to year 5/6!! Have you smelt a Year 6 classroom in July? 😱😱

THIS!! 100% this.

Leave the poor teacher alone ffs. You'll be a total laughing stock if you raise a teacher's smell over your DD's ability to cope with it. It's ludicrous. I am badly affected by smells and have even wretched into the art sink in the store of my classroom when a child farted right beside me. Wouldn't have dreamed of raising his smelly farts with his parents. These things happen. Building resilience should be the priority here!

[ObviousNameChage]

@Ozanj DD did not call anyone out. She added her comment to an already happening discussion and the girls were unaware they could be heard. So yeah, if her peers called her out I'd probably inform the school about it. I've never screamed anything to her school before ,about bullying or anything else.

As for the teachers , do you really not see that the power dynamics would be entirely different?


But then again , given your comments about girls on their periods when period shaming, period poverty (and girls missing out on education due to this) and girls being denied access to toilets are a thing maybe you really don't "see".

[5128gap]

You don't need to email the school yet. They will doubtless be well aware of the problem already, but given the sensitive nature probably have avoided raising it. The incident with the students gives the HT an in for the conversation which hopefully they will take. Wait a while and see if it improves.
I understand your DD feeling sick, smells do this to me too. It's also unreasonable of people to be so hard on her for saying this in what she thought was a conversation the teacher wouldn't hear. I can't believe those criticising her never say something they wouldn't say to someone's face.

[Ozanj]

@ObviousNameChage

DD got in trouble at school. I have no issues with the consequences she got and we had a very stern chat at home. For background she's never in trouble and described as a shy,quiet ,polite child so this is not the norm for her.

What happened was that some of her classmates were laughing and making comment that their teacher smells really bad, has sweat stains,you get the gist. DD said "I know , it makes me feel sick". Teacher overheard this and obviously all of the girls are in trouble, got a bollocking from her and also the head . They have to write apology letters and will miss play next week. We also had a talk at home about making comments,hurting people's feelings ,what's acceptable and what isn't etc.

The issue is, the teacher does actually smell quite bad, especially now in the heat, so many bodies in a sunny classroom etc. It is slightly noticeable at pick up and I'm not even that close. DD really doesn't like it and the smell (smells do in general she even recoils from me and her dad if we're smelly) does bother her. I do believe she made an honest statement , but still hurtful and as such she needs to deal with the consequences.She can't avoid it as there's group work,reading ,having chats, teacher coming over for help and so on.

It's such an awkward and difficult situation and the poor teacher must be mortified. However, at some level I also feel for the kids that have to put up with is for several hours a day and have no choice or option to "escape" from it.

If I say anything to the school I'll sound like a dick myself, the teacher will probably feel even worse and I don't think anyone can really do anything about it. At the same time I don't think it's ok for the children to just shut up and put up with it.

A lot of girls in secondary stink of stale blood when they’re on their period because they don’t change enough; most in my experience. Yet if teachers or other students called your dd out on it in the same way your DD did to others I’m sure you’d be the first person to scream bullying

[a8mint]

Primary classrooms often hae a lot of glass amd are too overcrowded and there is insufficient ventilation.
Primary teaching is avery full on physical job. Teachers often dont have time to even time to go to the loo. I think at yhe end of the day on a heatwave beinga bit whiffy for certain people des not equate to a hygene issue

[cansu]

FGS It is very hot. I am not sure what the teacher could do about her hot and sweaty body, other than take a shower and change which is presumably not easy to do at work in a primary school. The girls and your dd were being rude and were caught. Making this out to be something to do with the teacher's hygiene is really ridiculous and unfair. If you tried this on where I work, you would be given short shrift. Let's turn this round and imagine the teacher complained that your dd was sweaty and smelly at the end of a hot day. Would you think it was OK to make a fuss about this? Or would you no doubt think it was fairly normal after being in a hot classroom all day? The first thing I do when getting home is jump in the shower.