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Making your partner choose...

8 replies

Opal93 · 24/04/2021 21:50

Sometimes I think it’s necessary. When me and my husband were in the early stages of dating, he had a friend who didn’t like me from day one and did everything he could to try to split us up. I eventually said it’s going to be impossible to continue this relationship if you stay friends with him. He also had a female friend who openly admitted to having feelings for him and was far far to overly flirtatious with him, and I couldn’t stand her behaviour round him. I told him I wouldn’t be putting up with it and she tried to say I must not trust him, the thing is I did trust him and still do but I am not putting up with disrespect just because I trust him. AIBU to think that in some circumstances it’s ok to make them choose between you and someone else, or is it controlling no matter what? Have you ever done it?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/04/2021 22:05

I’d end a relationship with someone if they tried to control my friendship group or who I could see.


Theunamedcat · 24/04/2021 22:09

I would back off my friendship if they tried to control who I could and couldn't see without a reason

I wouldn't allow a friend of the opposite sex to randomly insert themselves into my relationship either like me? Fine respect boundaries


JesusIsAnyNameFree · 24/04/2021 22:11


I’d end a relationship with someone if they tried to control my friendship group or who I could see.

And I would end a relationship with someone who continued to be friends with someone whose mission was to split us up, even when I hadn't done anything to that person.

rainbowthoughts · 24/04/2021 22:12

I wouldn't stay friends with someone who was trying to split me and my partner up. Equally I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who told me who I could and could not be friends with. It's not one or the other. Both are wrong.


sweeneytoddsrazor · 24/04/2021 22:24

I would quite simply say to all parties, you're my mate, you're my partner, I don't expect you to get on even though that would be nice. I do expect you both to accept my choice of friends/partner and if either of you can't do that then you can sod off.


rosegoldivy · 24/04/2021 22:39

Honestly, It would be a cold day in hell before I would ever let my DH try and dictate who I could and couldn't be friends with. And likewise I would never dream of making him choose between his friends or me. (And I absolutely loathe a few of his close friends)


rosegoldivy · 24/04/2021 22:40

Sorry, I missed a bit, I also wouldn't ever be friends with someone who was trying to actively meddle in my relationship.


SnackSizeRaisin · 24/04/2021 22:58

I would not accept being told who my friends could be. However I put a partner first, so that means keeping contact with friends of the opposite sex within certain boundaries, not seeing people who disrespect them, give my partner the chance to spend time with my friends to get to know them and ensure he is included in conversations etc. For a new relationship I'm not going to drop people all together but as a relationship becomes more important (especially once living together) the contact with people unsupportive of that relationship naturally tails off.

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