AIBU because my friends think me and DH are weird...

[isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad]

My DH and I have been married 8 years and have 2 children.

We recently sold a rental property (was mine before I met DH and i became an accidental landlord) and we’re about to sell the house we live in which is DH’s and put all the money together and buy somewhere putting all the money together.

Anyway, house prices in our area have gone absolutely wild. Houses are selling for crazy money and DH and I are hesitant to pay a lot more than we think the house is worth.

I relayed I conversation to my friends that my DH and I had spoken at length about the future and what would happen if for instance, we divorced and couldn’t recoup the money as we’d paid way over the odds, one of us died etc and the costs of the upkeep of the house. Just general musings about the future and how you’re never sure what is round the corner.

My friends told me straight that they thought my DH and I even discussing divorce was weird. I tried to explain that we’re not getting divorced - just trying to be cautious with money which we generally are.

Are we weird? I thought when you’re talking about spending (and possibly over spending) hundreds of thousands of pounds you’d cover all the possibilities?

[mindutopia]

I don't think that's weird. Dh and I are in a similar position. Trying to buy a house, but houses near us (because all the Londoners have decamped here) are going for ridiculous amounts, 80-100K over guide price in some cases. We are financially comfortable and have money to spend and we could spend a lot more on a house than it's technically worth, but like you, I'm nervous. It's not that we have specifically discussed divorce, per se, but we've discussed what would happen if we needed to sell sooner than we anticipated and were in negative equity. It's a sensible conversation to have, given the times are so weird.

[FinallyHere]

Entirely sensibly to have these conversation before anything happens.

Do you have wills in place and POA?

[isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad]

We don’t have wills but intend on making them when we buy a new house.

[marshyindigo]

It's probably sensible but no haven't ever discussed possibility of divorce, death is inevitable I don't know when but it'll happen (so made sure insured appropriately) but I'm not sure what decision I would make now in the event of divorce anyway and not considering it as a possibility. I suppose the closest to that is I've maintained my career and worked full time as I'd always want that independence and stability whatever potential future outcome. But we still opted to buy the best we could together for our family, if we split we will have to sell but no need to discuss it or diminish our quality of life now on the off chance it happens.

[Maggie900]

Completely sensible.

[Wowyouareboring]

Not weird at all, sensible

[Longingforatikihut]

Very sensible. But I also have been called weird. I've had a will since my early 20s, mainly because I'm estranged from family and I don't want them to profit from me in any way.

Sit pretty knowing that you know you're set whichever way the cookie of life crumbles.

[InFiveMins]

It is sensible but I have never thought of divorce. I've considered death, serious injury etc. For me, to be adding divorce into the mix would make me think I expect to be divorced at some point. I can't quite articulate it. I know I'm going to die one day. I know I might end up very ill and physically unable to work etc. But it's never occurred to me to think of adding divorce to that list.

I'm the weird one though because I KNOW how many marriages end up in divorce, my DP could cheat on me tomorrow and everything fall apart. For some reason I just can't get my heard around planning for that though.

[Pupster21]

It probably is sensible but it’s not something DH and I have discussed and not would we unless we were having marriage problems. But you’re right that the statistics show it should be discussed more so I do think your sensible.

[isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad]

I don’t think we’re planning for it but I am really pragmatic when it comes to money and all eventualities do cross my mind.

I suppose we’re realists as well. I don’t know how my marriage will be in 10 years. I know a couples of couples who thought they were set for life and over the years the marriage failed and it came as a shock. I guess it’s stuck with me and DH.

[vannyy]

Defo sensible to discuss early death/illness. Divorce is not something I really would discuss or think much about but having said that I've seen enough acrimonious divorces to not necessarily trust what someone says how they would behave in the event of a divorce.

[marshyindigo]

@isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad so what decision have you made in case you divorce? How do you prepare for it without preparing for it? You only said you won't pay over the odds for a house, nor would I but I could list many more reasons as to why I wouldn't pay over the odds before coming to potential divorce as a reason.

[isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad]

@marshyindigo

We haven’t planned our divorce but it came up in conversation along with other reasons that added to our list of reservations about paying tens of thousands of pounds above what houses were selling for a year ago. The list wasn’t exhaustive but divorce seems pretty prevalent and we don’t wear rose tinted specs about our marriage - it’s good just now but much like our health and jobs etc I can’t predict what the next 10 years are going to bring.

[isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad]

@vannyy this is what my husband and I said! We actually laughed because we were like “oh we’d be so amicable!” but then we were like “you really can’t say that for sure”. We’ve seen some pretty nasty divorces and one of his friends went through a hellish time so we know what’s said prior to a divorce isn’t what necessarily play out in the event of one.

I should say we didn’t spend all the longer than about 10 min talking about divorce - death probably took up more time. Cheery!

[Anordinarymum]

Not much to add really except to say that if property in your area has gone up in price then so will your house as well.

[marshyindigo]

@isitjustmeorareweallgoingmad I was just wondering what specific decisions you've made to consider that divorce could could happen (to help me decide if you're weird or not as per your question lol), I didn't think you're specifically planning it, it doesn't sound like you've made any really so I don't think you've gone above and beyond what anyone does except tangentially mention divorce is (one of many) reasons not to over pay on a house. So it's not odd really no? I suppose the only odd thing is relaying a small conversation back to friends.