Heartbroken- help me understand please

[tartantroosers]

I am heartbroken and it makes no sense. For background, I'm a (long) divorced single parent with a teenage son and have been pootling along quite happily, no dramas, a few nice relationships, all good. A couple of months ago a guy contacted me on OLD and we chatted. I've dated a lot, and wasn't desperate to meet anyone, but we started talking, and from that point something just clicked for both of us. We spent the whole of March chatting on FaceTime, literally hours a day- every night, early morning and always initiated by him. Probably 100 hours in total! Never happened to me before. He literally ticked every box that means anything to me, and he couldn't put me down. We met the first day it was allowed to travel to meet, and we both said how much we were looking forward to meeting. I was prepared to admit the possibility that it wouldn't be the same IRL and we might just go our separate ways but we just lay on the grass in a London park and kissed and talked for four hours. He was most definitely "interested". I should say that on meeting he said immediately that he wanted to tell me he'd had mental health issues in his twenties (he is 55, same age as me) but was ok now and on medication. I was a bit shocked but there had been no issues over a month of talking, nothing odd or 'off' about him at all. Kind, loves his mum, good strong family and close friends. Stable job, plays the organ in church, Cambridge arts grad, blah blah. He seemed visibly relieved to have got this off his chest. Chatted that night, next day, then suddenly the day after that he called me, and I thought something awful had happened, he looked so empty and sad. When I asked what had happened , he said "I just can't see it working". I was so shocked but he couldn't give me any reason at all. Then some smokescreen issues about distance (40 miles and close to London) and wanting to settle down with someone (as do I) and that was it. A few distraught calls and texts (me) but now silence. He keeps saying he's sorry but I am in bits. No proper sleep for 2 weeks and have lost a stone which I can't afford to. Can anyone stop me losing the plot? It's worse than being 14 all over again. The hardest thing is not having any answers and the pain is worse than anything I've experienced- i feel utterly 'consumed' by him and then discarded. Please help.

[Outbutnotoutout]

He has told you he has mental health issues, so he can use them as an excuse to keep you dangling, and probably a few more ladies too.

Bin, move on

[VivienScott]

Something similar happened to me the other year, though we were actually in a fairly long term relationship. Out of the blue he suddenly called it off and his reasons were paper thin.
The only reason that made sense to me was that he had commitment issues in the past and things between us had suddenly got more real, maybe that’s what’s happened here?

[zoemum2006]

Oh hunny you poor thing. He sounds really manipulative. You are better off out of this relationship but I can see why you'd feel really destabilised after all that excessive attention and then a sudden shift to noting.

Give yourself sometime to heal and know that is was not your fault.

[tartantroosers]

Thank you. You're right, I just don't seem to be able to bounce back like I normally do. I thought I was a reasonably good judge of character and if he hadn't fancied me we could have just had a coffee and a chat when we met. He has just gone from 100 to zero with nothing between. He said that if we saw each other again we would end up going further and then it would be upsetting if it didn't work out. Who says that?

[Rainbowqueeen]

Op I’m so sorry you are feeling this way
I think you need to accept that he was not the person you thought he was and focus on keeping yourself busy as a distraction.
Yes it hurts but it will get easier with time.

I also don’t think you will ever get a straight answer so the best thing is to block and delete him. Any further contact will stop you from healing.
Focus on the good things in your life and you will get through this.