So sick of the cycle

Binge, starve, binge, starve I have struggled with my relationship with food all my life. My mum had me at weightwatchers at 11, comments about ‘my tummy’ making me not like other girls at the age of 6. I have always been on a diet. When I met DH I (happily) ballooned to a size 22. Stayed there for a few years then lost 4 stone. I have stayed around there, putting on 4 stone every pregnancy and losing (most of it) every time. I’m 5ft7 and a size 12 (some big 10s but I think this is vanity sizing) if I could stay the same weight I would tolerate being like I am, not perfect weight but OK, but I can’t! I lose the weight to feel better in my clothes, and then I binge uncontrollably for weeks as if you sabotage all my good work. I feel better when I’m slimmer and in control of what I eat, but it’s never enough - I always want to lose more, starve myself more, eat even less and then I crash, binge and put in what I lost. It can’t be good for me. Someone please talk to me about what I can do! I need a more balanced approach but it feels beyond me