Does motherhood feel natural to you?

[GettingUntrapped]

Do those of you who are mothers perceive your maternal 'role' to be natural to you (i.e. innate biology)?
It has rarely felt natural to me, especially when I had my first baby and home alone with him most of the time. Friends have said the same thing, that it can feel unnatural to be alone so much with a new baby. It's a time when we need others around us.
Has anyone else felt like this?

[Fleetwoodmacs]

I actually have found it came naturally to me, which was a big surprise! I'm not generally a nurturing sort of person and I'm still not keen on other peoples kids. My own are great though.

I was lucky to have a decent support network when they were little though.

[GettingUntrapped]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. It has been a relief to hear that most of you know motherhood is no picnic. In some ways, it's like motherhood in our culture leads a subservient role and I am finding it hard to get out of that.

[Lisa78Lemon]

Yes. Completely natural which was a slight surprise and something I am very grateful for. I love him so much I ache and I feel like my purpose is to care for and nurture him.
However, this doesn't mean it's not an absolute slog and mindfuck most days (he's 12 months now and has severe food allergies, eczema and reflux which makes for a lot of crying, vomiting, itching, sleepless nights and worry).

[flaviaritt]

I think motherhood feels very natural. Not always great, but natural.

[Scarlettpixie]

Yes, absolultely.

[40weekswithno2]

I feel like it's come naturally to me, I had quite strong 'motherly instincts' from the moment my son was born.
I've always been maternal even as a young child .
That doesn't mean it's always easy though.

[Needhelp101]

It's only now, with my DC at 8 and 10, that I finally feel that I'm occasionally nailing parenting.

[1stTimeMama]

I was the least maternal person I know prior to having children. They weren't on my agenda at all. Then I fell pregnant in a very unplanned way, and from the moment I saw the test, it felt like the most natural thing in the world and what I was born to do. I have 5 children now, and there's nothing I'd rather do, or can imagine doing!

[PanamaPattie]

No. I've got four DC. I don't always like them. I sometimes wish I hadn't bothered giving birth to them - but I would kill for them and hide the bodies.

[LaMadrilena]

No! I'm 14w pregnant and terrified - this baby is wanted, but I feel absolutely no spiritual connection to the tiny thing growing inside me, and the thought of having to keep it alive for the next 18 years is horrifying! Also, I'm already sick of my identity suddenly being "pregnant woman" instead of "colleague" etc

[Cam2020]

Yes it was to me and I was completely surprised that it was. I never thought of myself as maternal in the least. That doesn't mean I don't ask others for advice or wonder whether I'm doing the right thing at times.

[Dreamylemon]

I work with kids pre motherhood so some of it feels natural. Some doesn't. It's the exhausting always on call nature I'm not good at.

I also think the lack of 'village' is a factor. We have very small family (both me and DH have 1 sibling who have chosen not to have children) so don't have practical support. I grew up near cousins and hands on grandparents within walking distance and I feel sad I don't have that support.

[Joswis]

No. And mine is in her 30s.

Being a granny, YES!

So many of us have kids because it's what people do.

[Anewmum2018]

Definitely ‘grew’ into motherhood as someone else said.
A lot of that was realising that I didn’t have to be someone else’s version of motherhood- id expected to, overnight, suddenly start to love singing nursery rhymes and sitting around in cold church halls.
Felt a lot more natural to me once I knew that I could be myself and STILL be a mother

[PrawnofthePatriarchy]

Totally and yet I didn't want kids at all until I became a stepmum. DSD's mum worked all weekend every weekend so we had DSD from straight after work until about 8pm on Sunday.

I grew to love DSD and after a few years I told DH I'd changed my mind about having DC. He just smiled in his laid back way and said fine.

So I had my own DC and it seems like what I was born to do. As the years went on it seemed I became a mother figure to some of my kids' friends too. They turned to me at times of crisis. Being a mum is one of the things I'm best at.

[june2007]

In some ways yes, in some ways no.I work with kids and and have a related degree which helps. I have been involved with helping other children since child hood so is it nature or is it nurture because my background tought me what to do. Also my oh haas also worked with children so that def helps.

[LoveMyKidsAndCats]

Nope. And mine are teens. Totally winged it and prayed for the best.

[TheGoogleMum]

No didnt come naturally to me. To be honest really falling in love with DD wasn't immediate, I loved her because I was supposed to and then after a while I thought she was the most wonderful little human. I still am not a natural, but you do learn from experience a bit.

[Bathrum]

I think since becoming a mother I was definitely meant to be one as I'm, without doubt, the happiest and most fulfilled I've ever been. It's the best thing I've ever done...

That's not to say that I don't find it ridiculously hard. Or that I'm 'a natural'... I really struggle with being as selfless as I think you're supposed to be (the whole 'constantly having to do things for other people, or things other people want to do, and hardly ever having time to suit yourself' thing). I find playing with young children really boring a lot of the time. And I also didn't get the 'rush of love' that everybody talks about after birth - mine grew over time.

So, yeah, it feels natural. But I'm not 'a natural'.

[SpillingTheTea]

Yes I felt like it has.
But then my DS was such an easy baby. Slept through since day one. Also an easy toddler.
Not sure if it will feel so natural if I have another and they are not like DS. I'd probably feel a bit overwhelmed and like someone has thrown me in the shark tank. Have I been fooled? 😂

[theBelgranoSisters]

Nope- i was completely shocked at the reality, day after day home alone bored witless-walking zombie-tired and crying all the time..i was diagnosed with PND when DD1 was 7 months..i felt numb, empty, confused and had suicidal ideation. I actually started enjoying it all when she was 18 months-by then i was the skintest ive ever been after getting rid of my abusive partner but was recovered from PND and literally felt like my old self and then completely guilty about why it wasnt the "best experience of my life" the way it is made out to be.
With DD2 i still found the first 18 months a bit mind-numbing but without PND and an abusive home life it was obviously a vastly different experience. I guess for me ive loved parenting from 2 and up-it gets more interesting and fun the older they get and now mine are mid-teens its the best its ever been and although im not proper mumsy they like hanging out with me still and we have a lot of laughs we like the same music, comedy and are big into nature and the environment so its not like the idea of traditional motherhood i had before i had kids at all- Its our own version of family life as its evolved with the dds and my personality really but so much better than i thought it could be-yep i absolutely love being a parent-it didnt feel natural for a while and the early years were quite tough and boring!

[shamalidacdak]

Yep

[TwoZeroTwoZero]

No. I don't enjoy being needed or having to be "on duty" for the majority of the time. I'm also naturally very lazy and selfish so am kind of the polar opposite to what a good mother should be. I have to force myself to put on a show. I do love my kids though.

[HungryForSnacks]

Nope, not at all. I often refer to myself as "Aunty Mummy" which probably isn't helping

[blueshoes]

No, I am not maternal by nature, did not grow up around babies nor did I like babies. Babies were alien to me.

Prior to my first dc, I had spent all my life in a highly pressurised academic and then professional work setting. I am also introverted and don't enjoy company or touch.

I am still not very maternal. But for all my faults, I am good at taking care of people and creatures that need caring and so stepped up to my new role. I am the default medic in the house.