Your experience of nursing/breastfeeding covers/shawls

[Cocacolathanks]

Hello,

Are you currently using nursing covers/breastfeeding shawls? Or have you used them in the past?

Are they any good? Would you recommend to other mums? Also, is there anything annoying/negative about them?

I've not used them before but want to know if they're useful to other mums.


Thank you! :)

[brightbluegentian]

I wonder if there is a size issue with covers? My smaller breasted friends all happily used the two tops/ baby’s head/ don’t give a monkey’s method of bf in public. As a ‘low slung’ 34 H I didnt find any of those worked for me.... the feeding cape was a godsend.

[lioncitygirl]

^^ to add to my comment - I couldn’t care less how anyone fed their baby. With/without cover. I genuinely don’t think anyone noticed me feeding my two, and if they did - I wasn’t aware. Mine were voracious feeders - faffing about with a cover while walking on a bridge was just not for me - and the heat under there. Not for me.

[lioncitygirl]

I did - super hot for baby under. Drew too much attention so gave up.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

@Cocacolathanks - I responded from a purely personal perspective, and my intended meaning was that if HCPs (and society in general) were making that connection it might be extremely damaging. I didn't for one minute mean that sexual abuse victims were the ones making the link between BF and sex/sexual hangups. This was misinterpreted (or I worded it badly) by an obviously upset poster who had already been lashing out at others on this thread, and I was quite taken unawares by that. It wasn't my intention to cause upset to anyone, but given how that had escalated I had no intention of responding in a way that would stoke that up further.

I still think some of the underlying points are very important, and that this thread is valuable. But it's definitely a timely reminder of how very sensitive issues surrounding baby-feeding still are.

[Cocacolathanks]

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

My sincere apologies, I only skimmed through your comment (will come back to read it shortly) but I just wanted to clarify that I was referring to sexualising breasts in the context of sexual abuse survivors feeling uncomfortable with breastfeeding and people asking ‘why are breasts even linked to sex’. Unfortunately the sexualisation of breasts as nothing more than objects of pleasure (for men, usually) is a very real issue and I 100% acknowledge that. I just meant that other posters should not try to psychoanalyse whether or not breasts were being sexualised in the sexual abuse context.

Thank you again to everyone respectfully sharing their views! That was not the purpose of this thread but it’s always interesting to hear everyone’s experiences and opinions!

Will read the messages properly v shortly! X

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

in a society where female nipples are consistently sexualised and breastfeeding rates are already rock-bottom.

And THIS is the real point here. It's the big grey elephant standing in the middle of this particular room, and it's trumpeting its head off.

The problem with this thread is that on a number of occasions when someone has said 'I didn't use any form of cover' and given a reason as to why they didn't, those reasons have been perceived as judgemental against other women. Worse, defensive posters have started flinging out accusations that those people are 'vile', or 'repellent', or 'attention seeking', and have become quite aggressive in their responses.

I was a baby-wearer who adhered to TICKS guidelines, which made me very aware and worried that placing a cover over the baby's head might restrict breathing. A new mum's paranoia it might have been, but this is a genuine reason (amongst other, social ones) why I rejected the idea of a cover. And having been asked the specific question as to why there might be anything negative about them, I'm going to say so. I'm at quite the loss here as to why such responses are being perceived as somehow hateful.

OP has asked for the topic of sexualising breasts not to be mentioned. I considered adhering to that request; it's her thread, after all, but when someone puts these debates into the public domain then they have to expect these issues will be discussed. Western society does sexualise breasts. That's the reason so many women feel uncomfortable feeding in public in the first place, and if they need a shawl to feel able to do that, then I say 'whatever works for them'. The claim that this is making their feeding more conspicuous rather than less is beside the point. Why shouldn't breastfeeding be conspicuous? It's been the norm since pretty much the dawn of our species.

That society sexualises BF is definitely a problem, which IMO, yet again, is being turned into women's specific problem. If we want to deal with that issue by either sticking two fingers up and gathering a breastfeeding protest group to sit outside establishments who break the law by asking patrons to feed in the loos, or feeding openly but discreetly with a top, or using a shawl or cover, all those are legitimate responses.

I don't particularly care what other mothers feed their babies, and I don't care how. I DO care about the stigmatising of a perfectly normal bodily function, and about the fact that the age-old issue of the social taboo is nearly always directed against women.

[ellentree]

I had a feeding apron - where you could still see the baby. I very rarely used it, but did (strangely!) when I was wearing something like a bikini as didn't like my whole book being out. When I could be more subtle, I didn't use it (which was the vast majority of the time).

[Kokeshi123]

That's a lot of people feeling uncomfortable about something that is completely normal to do and doesn't actually expose anything anyway for more than a second.

Some people on here seem to have absolutely no idea that there are babies who pop on and off, there are babies with latch issues, there are mothers who have to use nipple shields, there are TWINS who sometimes have to be fed at the same time etc.

[BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou]

@DappledThings

I breastfed in church. I'm Catholic - Pope Francis has said explicitly that breastfeeding is fine in church!

Just to clarify I did mean a cover is not a requirement. Not that breastfeeding is not a requirement! I fed plenty of times in church too quite happily and without moving off my pew.

I know I didn’t HAVE to cover up but I felt it appropriate. Same as I personally would not wear a strapless dress/top in church. My wedding dress had full sleeves. I wax brought up a very traditional catholic - my Irish granny would be appalled that I don’t cover my head! She always did right up until she died in the 80s.

But... no one should ever be forced cover up when feeding a baby, some people choose to. It is not something to be ashamed of that’s for sure.

[ItsIslandTime]

It's a very expensive way of saying "Hey look everyone I'm breastfeeding!! Can you tell?!". If discreet is what you're going for then just use the two tops method, easier and less obvious

That's a really unfair and mean thing to say. I could easily manage with a normal top by lifting the top and plugging the baby in underneath. It was very discreet however that was only because my kids were great focused feeders. Some of my friends babies were terrible and needed a cover over them as they were all over the place. I also think people with big boobs might find them useful
Why would anyone care if someone else wore a cover or not . It's a weird thing to be so judgemental about

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

You're the one saying that any woman who uses a cover is trying to make an expensive show of herself. I used a cover (a whole fiver, it was!), so yes, that includes me. You literally are saying that if a woman uses a cover, she's being a spendthrift exhibitionist. That's exactly what your post means. And it applies to me.

I don't tend to engage with posters who take personal offence and make things up about what I've said. "Exhibitionist". Lol. Your word dear, clearly your complex too. Don't take MY post and tell me it means something it didn't. Very peculiar behaviour!

It's really not about you, I don't know you. Do you always make everything about you?

And it's absolute shash, which even you appear to realise now. If you don't want your posts to be mocked, don't use them to say such asinine things.

No idea what Shash means but please don't tell me I "realise" things. I don't, I stick by every word in my post - breastfeeding covers cost money and make it obvious you're feeding. Don't like my opinion? Boo hoo. You don't have to care about what everyone else and thinks says you know, and certainly don't have to take it so very personally.

Look, you go and have your little tantrum but don't pull me into it because you thought my post was about you specifically (despite having never engaged with you) 😂

[ShebaShimmyShake]

@GlummyMcGlummerson

Also you only own one top?

Two tops - a regular top and a vest top underneath. Pull regular to your and beat top down. Great out, job done.

God why are people so unbelievably dramatic and desperate to be offended on here?! As if I'm targeting YOU, random stranger, with a perfectly pedestrian comment, I am calling YOU specifically, only woman in the world to ever breastfeed, an exhibitionist. Right-o 😂

I don't want to wear two tops. I preferred my cover. I actually think that's more discreet as it covers more, not that I have anything against women who preferred your method; they're just doing what works best for them, as was I.

You're the one saying that any woman who uses a cover is trying to make an expensive show of herself. I used a cover (a whole fiver, it was!), so yes, that includes me. You literally are saying that if a woman uses a cover, she's being a spendthrift exhibitionist. That's exactly what your post means. And it applies to me.

And it's absolute shash, which even you appear to realise now. If you don't want your posts to be mocked, don't use them to say such asinine things.

[FluffMagnet]

My friend used one for about the first 7 months with hers. She proudly EBFs, but simply is not comfortable in her own skin. It was one of those boned capes and she loved it. Also great for getting her distracted baby to sleep - her partner would wear it too for this reason, and I borrowed it off her a couple of times to get my nosy baby to sleep when she was fighting it and had FOMO. Maybe ask your relatives if it is something they've considered and go from there. If it means women breastfeed and, importantly, still get out and about rather than feeling tied to the house (which is surely going to knock their mental health), it might be a godsend. I don't think there is any shame in admitting you don't want to show off certain parts of your body (we wouldn't judge someone who liked to keep their legs, arms, head etc. covered for whatever reasons they might have).

[EyeDrops]

I used one with DD1 and really appreciated the privacy (I know that it drew more attention - I didn't care if people knew I was breastfeeding, I just didn't want them to see! 😂) - it wasn't a faff until baby got a little older and started flinging her arms and legs around. Then it was a pain. But I was really glad of it to start with - and I don't think anyone should feel shamed for feeling more comfortable/confident with one.

However, I wouldn't get or want one as a gift. It's very much personal choice and something they should choose for themselves. I didn't bother with DD2 as I was more confident then.

[TheRosariojewels]

Although both my babies were born in September so I was mainly feeding publicly over autumn/winter. The two tops may have been a bit hot in summer.

[TheRosariojewels]

Never used one. I always used loose top and vest.

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

Also you only own one top?

Two tops - a regular top and a vest top underneath. Pull regular to your and beat top down. Great out, job done.

God why are people so unbelievably dramatic and desperate to be offended on here?! As if I'm targeting YOU, random stranger, with a perfectly pedestrian comment, I am calling YOU specifically, only woman in the world to ever breastfeed, an exhibitionist. Right-o 😂

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

What? Mine cost about a fiver each. And why on earth do you think I was trying to shout out that I was breastfeeding? Why would anyone give a shit? Surely they would see me with a young baby and work out that she would eventually need feeding one way or another?

Oh dear, calm yourself down!

I wasn't saying they are being used for attention seeking, I'm saying it makes it obvious you're feeding so if discretion is the aim of the game then don't bother with them.

TBH I really wish women wouldn't wear them as it normalises the hiding of breastfeeding but that's just my opinion

[ShebaShimmyShake]

@GlummyMcGlummerson

It's a very expensive way of saying "Hey look everyone I'm breastfeeding!! Can you tell?!". If discreet is what you're going for then just use the two tops method, easier and less obvious

What? Mine cost about a fiver each. And why on earth do you think I was trying to shout out that I was breastfeeding? Why would anyone give a shit? Surely they would see me with a young baby and work out that she would eventually need feeding one way or another? It would have been pretty obvious what I was doing, whatever I was wearing or not wearing. Two tops? I didn't want or need to wear two tops. How would that have rendered me invisible? An extra top would have cost more too. Power to anyone who preferred this method, by the way, it really makes no difference. So if you saw me with my bog standard cover on and minding my own business, you'd have judged me as a spendthrift and exhibitionist? Good God.

I haven't seen such an absolutely bizarre projection since seeing that strange arthouse film at the local cinema.

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

It's a very expensive way of saying "Hey look everyone I'm breastfeeding!! Can you tell?!". If discreet is what you're going for then just use the two tops method, easier and less obvious

[Cocacolathanks]

I just want to apologise for certain comments being made on here which are, quite frankly, unkind and unnecessary.

If a woman wants to use a breastfeeding cover and she’s made the choice to do so, why must we look down on her? I know a lot of people who have used covers but support breastfeeding wholeheartedly and have never told others to ‘cover up’. It’s a personal choice, such as preferring to wear certain clothing items over others.

Secondly, please do not get into the debate of why sexual abuse survivors may feel uncomfortable with breastfeeding. It’s nothing to do with sexualising breasts. It’s everything to do with their own experiences, feelings and comfort level. I don’t equate my breasts with sex101 but that doesn’t mean I walk around topless on a normal day (again, nothing against people who CHOOSE to do so). Sexual abuse/assault is such a delicate and triggering topic for many so let’s not start analysing other people’s decisions. It’s just not necessary.

For all the positive stories, words of support and hopeful mothers: thank you and good luck Reading happy stories about breastfeeding - with or without a cover! - are always heartwarming.

[Cocacolathanks]

@Itisbetter Yeah, you have a point. Thank you for your input

[onlinelinda]

The easiest way I personally found to cover breasts when feeding was to wear a T shirt or (jumper in winter). Never a dress or button up blouse, as one is impossible and the other incredibly exposing.

[EmilySpinach]

This is just one of those threads that leave me genuinely disappointed in some other women. Anyone who truly believed in making public spaces a welcoming place for women to feed their baby however they wished wouldn’t pass judgement on other women’s choices (and it’s not just rude to to do it anonymously here; it’s cowardly too).

Mind your own business, make your own choices, and if you find yourself with enough time and energy on your hands to form judgements of other women then get a hobby.

[Pixie2015]

No they draw attention - if I wanted to cover skin I used a scarf