AIBU for thinking I can go back to Univeristy (distance learning)

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

Left a degree when I was 19 for many reasons.

Now I’m married and have a 21mo and an 8mo, and am 33 weeks pregnant.

I’ve decided I want to finish my degree (Primary school teaching), I would like to provide a better life for my husband and my children.

The course starts in October, so I’ll have a just turned 2yo, just turned 1yo and a two month old, I will be returning back to work in June/July next year as well.
I’m aware it’s going to be a lot having three young children, working, completing a degree and trying to keep the house running and in a somewhat presentable condition 😂 but AIBU in going for it?
It will benefit us so much in the long term, allow us to buy a bigger house, won’t have to worry about childcare in the holidays, will have more disposable income to allow the children to do whatever activities they wish to.

My husband doesn’t seem very enthusiastic, honestly I think he’s just thinking about the short term hassle rather than the long term benefit. He hasn’t said anything about me not doing it, but it’s made me wonder if I’m being silly/taking on too much?

The degree will of course be part time, will be finished when youngest turns 4.

[KitKat2020]

I think it’s doable! know people who have returned to uni with young children, and even children with additional support needs.

It is all about time management and having support. You can’t make more time, but you can use it well.

The most important thing will be for you to have ‘protected time’ for your studies. In addition to working when your children go to bed, every now and again you might need one full weekend day or two full afternoons/ evenings.

Optimise your routine too- Lunch breaks, commutes etc.

Keep on top of reading/podcasts/webinars and you’ll find it easier to prepare assessments. You have a good knowledge base already to build upon. Don’t become complacent, but you might find that it takes less than 16hrs per week.

[Royalbloo]

16hrs a week is easily spent on tasks that add little or nothing to your life or to your future - if someone challenged you to watch eight 2hr films in a week, could you? Of course you could!

[tinkletinklelittlestar]

My heart says do it, no one questions a man about it. My boring practical guilt ridden mum head says sort out support network and have the option of deferring if possible.

[Royalbloo]

Go for it! You can achieve whatever you want to as long as you make it a top priority.

I'm working full time, as a single parent, with one child and I'm doing a Masters. Distanced learning, one weekend per quarter at uni, and I've done it - even through COVID.

It's my no. 2 priority after DD. That's what made it work.

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

Oh thank you for the positive situation! I think I’m going to sit down with hubby tonight and have a frank conversation with him about whether he thinks we can handle it and go from there

[SignatureTheme]

I started my PhD with an 8 week old baby and 2.5yr old toddler... it is def possible. The Uni were really supportive adn I completed in 3 years. For me, key was being organised and knowing when to ask others for help!

[Lockdownseperation]

If is just a generic undergrad degree then you should be able to manage some part time learning but only if you have some childcare or your DH is willing to do weekends solo during term time.

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

I’ve already explain that I will be doing a further year to gain QTS, I’m aware of that side of everything, I already work in a school.

[Lockdownseperation]

Does the course lead to qts? Even if it does I can’t imagine any school employing a teacher who hasn’t learnt to teach.

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

It’s an undergrad degree, but not a full one as I had already completed some when I left school and have transferred my credits, this knocked a chunk off the time! I will then do a further year to gain QTS but at that point all three children will be in full time childcare/school.
It looks like IABU in going back now, which makes sense and is totally fair. But I’m so deflated and sad.

[Kitsandkids]

So do you have teaching placements? Like, will you have to be teaching in a school for blocks of 4 weeks or so at a time? Because I would find that hell on earth with 3 kids. I trained as a teacher and found the placements physically and mentally exhausting. Personally I couldn’t have done it with kids but I know lots of people do manage.

[Whatsthekey]

Honestly OP i would wait until September 2021. I have a 4 year old and 3 year old and i only went back to studying last year. You have no idea how the newborn will sleep/feed or whether you'll he able to put them down. My younger DC was stuck to me like velcro for the first 9 months and woke up every 2 hours day and night. Your other two are also young and will need constant attention. It may be doable but i think you'll be stretched and may end up constantly exhausted.

[Lockdownseperation]

A 3 year undergrad or post graduate?

How does a distance teaching course work? I did a pgce so very different to a 3 year undergraduate course but I would say see if you can defer a year this as maternity leave. Planning, teaching, marking, parentings evenings and meetings plus uni work on top is a lot.

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

Oh sorry I meant no time in a Univeristy type school.
Time in an actual school wouldn’t be a problem as I work as a teaching assistant!

[Wejustdontknow]

I am 6 months into a open university degree, I currently work 34 hours per week and have two children although they are much older than yours so before Covid were in school. I am doing a history degree, was talked into part time as states 16 hours per week and wish I had gone for full time to complete it quicker, personally I am finding the work quite easy and on average spend around 5 hours per week plus a extra full day in assignment weeks and it is very easily manageable. I used to do more in depth learning around the subject matter when the kids were in school/bed but that has been put on hold during Covid and I am doing the minimum needed for each section. I am also looking at going into teaching as it was what I always wanted to do, I say go for it but would recommend trying to have time in the day as once the kids are in bed you might find your just to tired to study and have it sink in

[MustBeThursday]

Are you absolutely sure there's no time in a school? I've never known a teaching course (one leading to QTS anyway) to have no placement requirements.

Honestly I think children of those ages and work as well with no childcare out of home would be too much to take on, but only you know how much you/ your DH can cope with.

[Mencho]

It will be very hard but not impossible. I did a 3 year distance learning MA a few years ago now. My baby was born in the middle of the first year and most of my “study” involved reading on my tablet while sitting on the sofa feeding DC. I went back to work full time when DC was about 10 months old and managed to finish it by studying in my lunch break at work and in the evenings. Give it a go!

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

Oh I’ll look into backing out just in case! It would be 16-18 hours a week study, and I’ll be working 20-25 hours when I go back, the DCs go to bed at 7pm and me and DH go to bed at 11pm (obviously different for youngest).
I could arrange extra childcare if it became a big problem, would have to waiting list for our childminder though and it would be as/when a space becomes available.

[LadyPrigsbottom]

Wouldn't they bat an eyelid? If he was taking parental leave with no childcare and would have a 2mo, a 1yo and a 2yo? I think they probably would say it might not be the best idea right now...

Could you arrange child care if you wanted to though op? How many hours study is it a week?

[LellyMcKelly]

Go for it! If this was a man asking nobody would bat an eyelid.people with young kids do degrees all the time and having your own kids will help prepare you for your career and give you some insight into their lives. I think it’s a great idea.

[LadyPrigsbottom]

Can you check what would happen to your fees if you had to pull out? I found that I lost money, which was not great.

I think it depends on your baby as well. Neither of mine slept through the night for a good while and both cluster fed in the evenings, so I don't think they went to bed in the evenings till they were older.

Could you wait till next year and then your baby might be sleeping through, (or at least you'd have a good idea of what sort of personality and sleeping habits she / he has), your toddler might be at nursery and maybe your 8mo would be too by then?

I don't see any harm in trying if you wouldn't lose any money if you then backed out, but otherwise, I'd be wary.

My sil is a very organised super mum type and she found three very young ones very hard going. She did have a harder time with her third though, as she had eczema and just didn't sleep well, so again that depends on your baby and other dcs.

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

I completely agree, if anything my husband does more housework than me when he’s home at the moment because I’m exhausted by the time he gets home (the joys of the third trimester 😂), but all of these things will still partly be my responsibility, even if not 100%, so they have to be factored in to my decision I think

[Hillarious]

I’m aware it’s going to be a lot having three young children, working, completing a degree and trying to keep the house running and in a somewhat presentable condition 😂 but AIBU in going for it?

Whatever you do, it's not all down to you to look after the children and run the home. Until these aspects of life are seen as the joint responsibility of you and your partner (assuming your partner is male), women will get nowhere.

A neighbour (mid 40s) put in her post on a local Facebook group - "Ladies, my cleaner is looking for more work . . ." My initial thought was, "is it only women who need cleaners?"

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

There will be no time in a school, the degree is completely distanced from home.
I’m planning on doing most of it in the evenings after my DCs have gone to bed, my husbands days off and also (covid permitting) in the days they spend with their grandparents.
I don’t think my husband will be unsupportive, he’s naturally overly supportive most of the time, I think he just can’t see it working at the moment. He’s already said he’ll do whatever I need.
My children will have childcare when I go back to work, but not for when I complete Univeristy work.

[LadyPrigsbottom]

Wow excuse typos!!